Featured Posts
Anonymous
I made a decision and now im not so sure about it. *piog
by Anonymous
December 9, 2012 at 7:21 AM
I told my dh several weeks ago that I wanted to go to marriage counceling because I am thinking about getting a divorce. He refused to go at FIRST, so i went without him. And after my first session when I came home. My kids were gone to the neighbors and he really wanted to TALK. I listened of course. He began to cry and tell me he doesnt want to lose me, and he knows he fucked up by cheating, and he knows he hasnt been the best husband to me, but his life would be incomplete without me, he wants us to get remarried and start all over!

And everything he was saying was what I wanted to hear. But frankly im really nervous because I feel he's only saying these things because he knows I'm serious about divorce and he's just trying to butter me up and then going to go back to his normal self once divorce leaves the table.

Honestly, I'm tired of being the breadwinner in my marriage. That's not how I was raised to be. That's not how I envisioned my life to be growing up. And after my waiting for him for 5 years to make a change. I'm ready to just let it go, I do really care about him and dont want to be alone with two kids after being with someone for so long. But I need more, I need to be in love again. I need to feel like I want to go home after work and not hit a bar first or smoke a cig or two first. He has completely made me think about trying our marriage all over again. But I'm to afraid to invest anymore time in him and not get anything I deserve from him. I'm progressing in my life, in our marriage, and he has been doing just enough for it to look like he's doing SOMETHING. And he just made my decision, and mind-set a lot harder and I'm not sure what to think about any of this.

Replies

  • Cindy18
    by Cindy18
    December 9, 2012 at 7:27 AM
    If you are going to counseling then I would think that means you want to work on things. I'm going through something similar without the cheating part, but I finally told him how I feel and he is now staying with his mom and we are "dating" again. It's weird but is giving us both time to think about a lot of stuff. I think maybe you need to be completly honest with him and tell him everything you just said here and if you both want to work it, go slow.
  • PortiaRose
    December 9, 2012 at 7:29 AM
    He might just be saying it cuz he's scared. Men do that, and I mean that with no bitterness.

    It sounds like you're in a bad marriage.
  • rayroe2
    by rayroe2
    December 9, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    Really you sound like you want to work this out, you feel like love is still there enough to go to marriage c. If you don't want to rush give it 2 years, tell him that in those two years he needs to find a job and prove to you that you should remarry him.

  • momofsixangels
    December 9, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    I hope you can work things out.If you really didnt want to you wouldnt go to counseling.GL.

  • lnrmom
    by lnrmom
    December 9, 2012 at 5:24 PM

    Love is an action, a verb, but most importantly a CHOICE. Everyday we CHOOSE to be in love with our other halfs. He can't do anything to make you fall back in love with him. He has betrayed your trust, and it will take time for you to forgive him. But the choice to be in love with him again is one only you can make.

  • connie45
    December 9, 2012 at 11:25 PM
    Really the age old phrase comes to mind: Talk is cheap.

    Tell him he has to SHOW you he is sincere everyday. For how long? Until.

    Until you feel secure. Until a king period of time has passed and he's kept his word. There is not a time limit on Until. You set it.
  • Diamondblue1
    December 10, 2012 at 2:09 AM
    Do what's best for you at this time. If you feel like you should leave then maybe that's what is best for you maybe just take a break from him to see what you guys really want well him rather. I think you should continue with your decision i'm sorry youbeven have to deal with that because men can take your emotions all over the place:(
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    December 10, 2012 at 8:27 AM
    I would have already walked. Most men do not change.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    December 10, 2012 at 9:43 AM

    Crappy generalized thoughts about men, mixed with laziness and popular acceptance of divorce as an "easy way out" are why there are more divorces than successful marriages. Me, me, me.....Who cares that you're leaving your children a legacy of broken homes, right? Your statement is typical of this sad society. And I don't care about the many lame excuses I hear. Now there ARE VALID reasons for divorce, yes, but I am sick of the women who do it to make themselves happy, and the kids just grow up having to "deal" with it. Me and DH have been through so much REAL stuff, that anyone else today would have divorced years ago. Instead, we pulled together, yes it was HARD WORK, but that's a real marriage, and now our marriage is so much stronger than even when we started, and thought we were so in love, it is amazing!

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I told my dh several weeks ago that I wanted to go to marriage counceling because I am thinking about getting a divorce. He refused to go at FIRST, so i went without him. And after my first session when I came home. My kids were gone to the neighbors and he really wanted to TALK. I listened of course. He began to cry and tell me he doesnt want to lose me, and he knows he fucked up by cheating, and he knows he hasnt been the best husband to me, but his life would be incomplete without me, he wants us to get remarried and start all over!

    And everything he was saying was what I wanted to hear. But frankly im really nervous because I feel he's only saying these things because he knows I'm serious about divorce and he's just trying to butter me up and then going to go back to his normal self once divorce leaves the table.

    Honestly, I'm tired of being the breadwinner in my marriage. That's not how I was raised to be. That's not how I envisioned my life to be growing up. And after my waiting for him for 5 years to make a change. I'm ready to just let it go, I do really care about him and dont want to be alone with two kids after being with someone for so long. But I need more, I need to be in love again. I need to feel like I want to go home after work and not hit a bar first or smoke a cig or two first. He has completely made me think about trying our marriage all over again. But I'm to afraid to invest anymore time in him and not get anything I deserve from him. I'm progressing in my life, in our marriage, and he has been doing just enough for it to look like he's doing SOMETHING. And he just made my decision, and mind-set a lot harder and I'm not sure what to think about any of this.


  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    December 10, 2012 at 9:45 AM

    OP, ooops! My statement was for the poster that said they would have walked already, not you. I think you are doing great!!

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Crappy generalized thoughts about men, mixed with laziness and popular acceptance of divorce as an "easy way out" are why there are more divorces than successful marriages. Me, me, me.....Who cares that you're leaving your children a legacy of broken homes, right? Your statement is typical of this sad society. And I don't care about the many lame excuses I hear. Now there ARE VALID reasons for divorce, yes, but I am sick of the women who do it to make themselves happy, and the kids just grow up having to "deal" with it. Me and DH have been through so much REAL stuff, that anyone else today would have divorced years ago. Instead, we pulled together, yes it was HARD WORK, but that's a real marriage, and now our marriage is so much stronger than even when we started, and thought we were so in love, it is amazing!

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I told my dh several weeks ago that I wanted to go to marriage counceling because I am thinking about getting a divorce. He refused to go at FIRST, so i went without him. And after my first session when I came home. My kids were gone to the neighbors and he really wanted to TALK. I listened of course. He began to cry and tell me he doesnt want to lose me, and he knows he fucked up by cheating, and he knows he hasnt been the best husband to me, but his life would be incomplete without me, he wants us to get remarried and start all over!

    And everything he was saying was what I wanted to hear. But frankly im really nervous because I feel he's only saying these things because he knows I'm serious about divorce and he's just trying to butter me up and then going to go back to his normal self once divorce leaves the table.

    Honestly, I'm tired of being the breadwinner in my marriage. That's not how I was raised to be. That's not how I envisioned my life to be growing up. And after my waiting for him for 5 years to make a change. I'm ready to just let it go, I do really care about him and dont want to be alone with two kids after being with someone for so long. But I need more, I need to be in love again. I need to feel like I want to go home after work and not hit a bar first or smoke a cig or two first. He has completely made me think about trying our marriage all over again. But I'm to afraid to invest anymore time in him and not get anything I deserve from him. I'm progressing in my life, in our marriage, and he has been doing just enough for it to look like he's doing SOMETHING. And he just made my decision, and mind-set a lot harder and I'm not sure what to think about any of this.



Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts