Okay I had posted prior to this but the situation has gotten a little worse and I'd rather get opinions on how to resolve this issue. I had given birth 4 months ago.
When I first found out I was pregnant I was happy when I thought I had the support of both families. Everyone seemed excited and genuinely happy for me. Then it started to go downhill when I talked to my SO's mom about baptizing my son. She immediately started asking me why I wanted it done? If it was something I was sure I wanted? Etc. I told her yes it was something I wanted because I was born Catholic and I still believe in the religion. Rather than to let it go there she went behind my back to try and convince my SO not to have my son baptized. Her daughter decided that my son needed to be at their house more than on weekends bc that's what divorced couples do, decided to post my ultrasound pics (I wanted to keep it between the family and those important in my life) and went as far as to try and get a photographer for the hospital (when I already had one) Instead of asking me she just did it. When we talked to my SO's mom about it she told us not to say anything to his sister bc it would hurt her feelings. Never mind the fact that she was making me upset.
At the hospital, I really felt like his mom and sister were waiting on me like a breeder waits on a dog to have puppies. I told my SO I didn't want his family at the hospital when I gave birth but I did compromise by telling him to call them immediately after my DS was born. Not caring that he was just born his mom and sister passed my son around nonstop taking pictures. Again which showed up on a social networking site without my consent. His mom even told me that she wanted to wake up just bc she wanted to see his eyes. The whole time they were telling me to sleep. It was getting to be much and I ended up in the bathroom crying asking the nurses to take him back to the nursery.
After that it got worse. The doctors told me to refrain from taking the baby in and out for the first month because the baby had a weak immune system and I was not breastfeeding (bc of a medical condition). He could get really sick. I was told by two nurses and a doctor not to take the baby in and out within the first month. His mom and sister when they came over (they came over a total of 5 times in two weeks) decided to pass the baby back and forth again. It got so bad that my DS would cry before his mom would pick him up after the first two visits. 3 days after when it was my son's father's bday I got violently sick so I couldn't celebrate his bday with him. So I told my SO I would make it up to him that Saturday. I told him it was just him and I no one else. Wednesday when his mom and sister were at my house, his mom tried to talk me out of celebrating his birthday, saying they already had (when really they celebrated hers and her daughter's boyfriend's birthday on his day) all because she wanted to see my DS on that saturday. I did end up celebrating it with my SO getting him a cake, present, card, and a balloon. He really felt special because it was just him and I.
Back to that wednesday my SO's sister then decided it was okay to let my son's head drop 5 times (even though I told her to support his head) and let his eyes roll back. She supported his butt and his back. My mom saw it and took my son out of her arms. Then she decided to glare at my mom. Then afterwards his mom told us to ignore what the doctors say and just bring the baby over to her house (after just two weeks). She claimed they were just being overly cautious. She claimed I took the baby everywhere and that I was keeping her from the baby. I didn't take the baby everywhere I took him to the doctor's and that was it. My one aunt was the only one who saw the baby once in those two weeks and his mom claimed I have everyone over. His mom had seen him 5 TIMES. She told me I over-reacted about the eyes rolling even though my mom, my SO and I saw it. That her daughter knew what she was doing because she worked at a daycare and she held a 6 month old before.
I finally had enough when she told my SO that she didn't care that I was recovering and that they were just there for the baby. I had the severe headache from the epidural and since my DS ripped me open I was still healing. On top of all of that they didn't care that they were causing me stress. I yelled at her. I told her everything that bothered me up until that point and she then said she would stop. Instead she turned me and my SO against eachother by saying I dis-respected her. I told my SO defending our family should have been his job not attacking me as well. I am protecting our family.
Now 4 months later she has attacked the fact that I am a SAHM (I pay for everything that has to do with my son, my SO doesn't pay for anything). She has called me a tramp and whore. Told my SO I am not someone he should associate with. Tried to break me and my SO up. Tried to keep my SO from seeing his own son. Monitored my SO's bank account and got mad because he bought me lunch as well as dinner on several occasions. I told my SO that his mom shouldn't be monitoring his account. Since I pay for everything she has no right to attack how I am raising my child. She tried to send me emails saying she was sorry for whatever I thought she had done wrong but then went right back to attacking me to my SO. After a while I tried to compromise again but trying to set down rules and seeing maybe we could work things out. She used that oppertunity to tell me I was keeping my SO from coming home and spending time with his family. When I wasn't. I never once told him not to come home.
Since all of this drama, my SO and I have sort of become distanced from eachother. We aren't as affectationate. He has started HUGE fights with me 3 times over this. I feel betrayed that he hasn't been there for our family when I really needed him to be. Now he says his relationship with his mom has gone down bc his mom feels betrayed that he took my side when he confronted her later on. What should I do?
by Anonymous - Original PosterDecember 9, 2012 at 4:48 AM
oh and about the baptism thing she tried to get me to change the date because she needed to go up her cottage which they did at least twice a month. Then when I had yelled she tried to claim that she was in full support of it bc she is a catholic too.
by TommyAbbyDecember 9, 2012 at 7:25 AM
I'm sorry you need to cut contact with them and keep them away from your baby! Seriously put your foot down .... God damn I'm pissed reading this... Tell them to take a flying leap off a tall building.
She took the words out of my mouth.. HOLY CARP!! I am seeing red after reading this. If your SO can't bother to stick up for your family now, he never will. You need to decide if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life. The unfortunate part is that if you do break things off with him, he will still get his time with his son and that means that evil witch will get to see him also. :(
Well, bless your heart. I have been in your shoes. Dh and I have been married almost 12 years. Up until a few years ago my mil was controlling and it put a strain on my relationship. I finally decided I wasn't going to let herin the middle of my marriage. I left dh out of it when we had to deal with her. That he doesn't feel conflicted. I deal with her now. Things have gotten better all the way around. She knows I'm not gonna let her controll anything. This is MY family, I will take care of it. So you need to politely and respectfully tell her to come to you if she has something to say and stop putting her son in the middle, that is not his place. Good luck.
by rayroe2December 9, 2012 at 7:44 AM
MOVE AWAY NOW! this women sounds crazy and I would get a restraining order on her and her dd for putting my child in danger. You shouldn't have to be explain in so much detail. You need to not let this women in your house and you need to get your so on your page, or leave him if he is not willing to leave his mothers nest.
December 9, 2012 at 8:10 AMPoor you. This woman sounds quite overbearing. She should understand that when a baby is born there are certain rules that should be followed .... And aside from that a mother will naturally be very protective of there baby and with good reason. I'm sure alot has gone on and words have been said... But in all honesty if you can find a way to keep the peace I would do the best you can..... Grandma seems over excited Wich can beanie to handle but you are the mother and her controlling ways need to stop....figure out a schedule you can live with so she can spend time with the baby and try to bite your tongue as long as the baby is safe.... Because if you don't I honestly think it will completely destroy your relationship ..... TO a son a mother sometimes can do nonwrong and they can feel threatened because it puts them in the middle. If you try and it doesn't work at least you know you did everything you could so when your child grows up you can feel comfortable in your decision and explaining it with no guilt..... I wish you luck because that woman is a handful!
December 9, 2012 at 11:53 AMHis family is nuts! I know that you live your SO a lot, but I think you need to cut ties with him. This family is only going to get more controlling and will get in the way of you raising your son. Thankfully you two aren't married. You probably have full physical and legal custody atm because you aren't married. What state are you in?
by Anonymous - Original PosterDecember 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM
I did try and talk to her through email. She seem content in keep putting her son in the middle. I told her my decisions on how I raise my son is my decisions. They aren't for her to decide and that she needs to stop trying to control me. Her decision was to tell me I was also keeping her son from her. I got to the point where I just decided I am done trying to compromise and my SO other is trying to defend me but also guilt triping me. I told her the way she continues to attack me just proves that she is trying to be vindictive and that my son does not need that in his life. She then called my SO's cell claiming she was worried about him 3 times. I knew it was for her to attack me and sure enough when he called her back she started trying to point out all the things she thinks I am doing wrong and that I was bipolar. When my SO finally said no mom you are wrong. I saw everything go down before my own eyes. She didn't need to convince me of anything you did it all. She then tried to say that she was going to sue him and that he didn't respect his family. Etc. I live in illinois btw. I am not worried about custody bc I pay for EVERYTHING my son's father just comes over 4 hours a day and spends all day saturday with my son. Then Sundays he spends with his parents.