The Cafe
Okay I had posted prior to this but the situation has gotten a little worse and I'd rather get opinions on how to resolve this issue. I had given birth 4 months ago.
When I first found out I was pregnant I was happy when I thought I had the support of both families. Everyone seemed excited and genuinely happy for me. Then it started to go downhill when I talked to my SO's mom about baptizing my son. She immediately started asking me why I wanted it done? If it was something I was sure I wanted? Etc. I told her yes it was something I wanted because I was born Catholic and I still believe in the religion. Rather than to let it go there she went behind my back to try and convince my SO not to have my son baptized. Her daughter decided that my son needed to be at their house more than on weekends bc that's what divorced couples do, decided to post my ultrasound pics (I wanted to keep it between the family and those important in my life) and went as far as to try and get a photographer for the hospital (when I already had one) Instead of asking me she just did it. When we talked to my SO's mom about it she told us not to say anything to his sister bc it would hurt her feelings. Never mind the fact that she was making me upset.
At the hospital, I really felt like his mom and sister were waiting on me like a breeder waits on a dog to have puppies. I told my SO I didn't want his family at the hospital when I gave birth but I did compromise by telling him to call them immediately after my DS was born. Not caring that he was just born his mom and sister passed my son around nonstop taking pictures. Again which showed up on a social networking site without my consent. His mom even told me that she wanted to wake up just bc she wanted to see his eyes. The whole time they were telling me to sleep. It was getting to be much and I ended up in the bathroom crying asking the nurses to take him back to the nursery.
After that it got worse. The doctors told me to refrain from taking the baby in and out for the first month because the baby had a weak immune system and I was not breastfeeding (bc of a medical condition). He could get really sick. I was told by two nurses and a doctor not to take the baby in and out within the first month. His mom and sister when they came over (they came over a total of 5 times in two weeks) decided to pass the baby back and forth again. It got so bad that my DS would cry before his mom would pick him up after the first two visits. 3 days after when it was my son's father's bday I got violently sick so I couldn't celebrate his bday with him. So I told my SO I would make it up to him that Saturday. I told him it was just him and I no one else. Wednesday when his mom and sister were at my house, his mom tried to talk me out of celebrating his birthday, saying they already had (when really they celebrated hers and her daughter's boyfriend's birthday on his day) all because she wanted to see my DS on that saturday. I did end up celebrating it with my SO getting him a cake, present, card, and a balloon. He really felt special because it was just him and I.
Back to that wednesday my SO's sister then decided it was okay to let my son's head drop 5 times (even though I told her to support his head) and let his eyes roll back. She supported his butt and his back. My mom saw it and took my son out of her arms. Then she decided to glare at my mom. Then afterwards his mom told us to ignore what the doctors say and just bring the baby over to her house (after just two weeks). She claimed they were just being overly cautious. She claimed I took the baby everywhere and that I was keeping her from the baby. I didn't take the baby everywhere I took him to the doctor's and that was it. My one aunt was the only one who saw the baby once in those two weeks and his mom claimed I have everyone over. His mom had seen him 5 TIMES. She told me I over-reacted about the eyes rolling even though my mom, my SO and I saw it. That her daughter knew what she was doing because she worked at a daycare and she held a 6 month old before.
I finally had enough when she told my SO that she didn't care that I was recovering and that they were just there for the baby. I had the severe headache from the epidural and since my DS ripped me open I was still healing. On top of all of that they didn't care that they were causing me stress. I yelled at her. I told her everything that bothered me up until that point and she then said she would stop. Instead she turned me and my SO against eachother by saying I dis-respected her. I told my SO defending our family should have been his job not attacking me as well. I am protecting our family.
Now 4 months later she has attacked the fact that I am a SAHM (I pay for everything that has to do with my son, my SO doesn't pay for anything). She has called me a tramp and whore. Told my SO I am not someone he should associate with. Tried to break me and my SO up. Tried to keep my SO from seeing his own son. Monitored my SO's bank account and got mad because he bought me lunch as well as dinner on several occasions. I told my SO that his mom shouldn't be monitoring his account. Since I pay for everything she has no right to attack how I am raising my child. She tried to send me emails saying she was sorry for whatever I thought she had done wrong but then went right back to attacking me to my SO. After a while I tried to compromise again but trying to set down rules and seeing maybe we could work things out. She used that oppertunity to tell me I was keeping my SO from coming home and spending time with his family. When I wasn't. I never once told him not to come home.
Since all of this drama, my SO and I have sort of become distanced from eachother. We aren't as affectationate. He has started HUGE fights with me 3 times over this. I feel betrayed that he hasn't been there for our family when I really needed him to be. Now he says his relationship with his mom has gone down bc his mom feels betrayed that he took my side when he confronted her later on. What should I do?
Replies
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Talk to your man first. Tell him that you three are a family, he is supposed to look out for you and the baby. Then tell him that his mother is pissing you off and if he doesn't get her to back the hell off then you're gonna do it, and it ain't gonna be pretty. Give him a week, then if it hasn't worked you cuss her out. You have taken a lot from them. I would've screamed at them already and if my man took their side he was welcome to stay with them. Nip it in the bud, because kids are very easily influenced and they sound like they would turn your own kid against you. Good luck, and try to enjoy your son. He's only tiny once, and all this drama distracting you, you could miss it. Peace.
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first off, your SO needs to get some balls. He needs to deal with his mother. second, he needs to cut the umbillical cord from his mom. I used this one on my ex, 'you have the world's longest umbillical cord'...I think he got the point.
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After reading all of the following posts, I think you and your SO needs to gets some help! You have made excuses for your SO, and you don't sound like you want to stop this relationship at all. It will not change you stay with him, you deal with his family. I will be praying for all of you, Good Luck with the life you choose...
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My mother was forced to baptize me,and I have a controlling common law mother inlawbut my son isn't baptized. By my choice it will be his choice when he's older -
It doesn't matter. I have a family member who works for an attorney and I've been backed up on this. They are pictures of HER children and she has the right to state where they can and cannot go. Her SO needs to grow some balls and she needs to assert her backbone. For her in-laws to blatently disregard her wishes, she also has the right to bar them from her home and she should.
Quoting Anonymous:
If the pictures are pictures they took then no matter how much she doesn't like it they are theirs to do as they please with them
Quoting zeesmuse:
Your SO needs get a backbone. At some point, he needs to grow up and become a man. Believe me, fathering a child does NOT make him a man and apparently, he's still not one.
You have the RIGHT to refuse entry to these people. You have the right NOT to take their calls. You have the right to refuse them access to your child. You need to do so. Who cares what they call you? you must place your child first. Oviously your SO isn't.
You need to complain to FB that the pictures posted are NOT theirs to post. FB WILL delete them... eventually. Tell them the next time they post pictures of YOUR child without YOUR consent, you will file a lawsuit.
And if you haven't baptized your baby, do so. Just do so.
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You said that your SO isn't paying for anything for your child, that you are paying everything - you also stated you are a SAHM....how do you pay for anything that you or the baby need if you aren't working?
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Quoting grannie_kel:
You said that your SO isn't paying for anything for your child, that you are paying everything - you also stated you are a SAHM....how do you pay for anything that you or the baby need if you aren't working?
I had saved up money from when I was working that was supposed to be for my school and car. I am using that money and my parents are helping me with the school and car. -
It sounds like a classic case of MIL from Hell, and SO thinks mommy can do no wrong.
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I'd move far, far away. It's how I avoid in-law problems completely.