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Does this seem reasonable to you?
by Anonymous
December 5, 2012 at 5:21 PM

I have a child from my previous marriage. She is in kindergarten. My ex is in the military stationed in California. My husband now is also in the military & also stationed in California- they are at different bases.  We currently live about 3 hours from my ex. We do every other weekend drop-off/pick up. It has not been an issue thus far.

Our divorce/custody papers state "there shall be no restrictions on the mother to relocate" I have primary physical custody (82% of parenting time) & he has EOW visitation which equals to 18% of time.

My husband recently received orders to a different base, about a 5-7 hour flight from where my ex is currently stationed. We are scheduled to leave here by the end of April. Although I am not required to ask his permission to leave (nor am I required to ask the states permission), I am required to give him 45 days notice.

When we split, he was ordered to pay almost $1200 a month in child support. Two years ago, when I met my husband, he came to me and basically guilted me in to taking a less amount because he claimed my husband would be taking on a lot of financial responsibility by marrying me and taking care of my daughter. So I reluctantly agreed to take $500 a month. I have her in dance class, she did a pre school program, etc and I never once asked him to help pay the cost, although our paperwork says that he is supposed to be responsible for half.

So now we are moving and I need to make arrangements on how to do visitations. Since she is school age and because we will be so far apart, I feel like a reasonable visitation would be 6-8 weeks in summer. That is roughly equal to the amount of time he gets her over the course of the year. I plan to make her available for Skype every Sunday evening so they can see each other that way. As always, he is welcome to call her any time he desires. During the time that she would be with him for those 6-8 weeks, I would agree to not receive child support so he can pay for childcare during the time he is at work.

Due to this move, I will be working so that I can pay for plane tickets for her and I to fly back to his location. I will not ask him to pay for her ticket at all. I feel that I am doing what I can to make this as painless as possible. Finances are a concern for everyone I am sure.

Does this seem reasonable to you?

Replies

  • TommyAbby
    December 5, 2012 at 5:47 PM

    Wow.. you are amazingly level headed. Most women are all bitter and bitchy. This sounds like a very reasonable set up. 


  • gonecrazi
    December 5, 2012 at 6:16 PM

     very reasonable 

  • GOBryan
    by GOBryan
    December 5, 2012 at 6:45 PM

    You know, I'm a Advocate of Fathers and I think it sounds reasonable to me. You're moving due to work and as long as you make her available to him during the summer and pay those expenses for him to see her since it's your decision to move, then I believe he should understand and it should work out. I believe parents (even when they hate eachother) need to think of the child's happiness and despite it all, most children need both parents. I salute you for trying. 

  • LovinLife81
    December 5, 2012 at 6:49 PM

    It sounds more than reasonable 

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    December 6, 2012 at 1:49 AM

    I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???

  • daiseymae2
    December 6, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    You are being more than fair. I would suggest him paying for half the transportation costs.

  • littlecolton07
    December 6, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    Sounds more than fair. What about her birthday and holidays?

  • nickysmom71
    December 6, 2012 at 10:49 AM

    Extremely reasonable....

  • MommaGreenhalge
    December 6, 2012 at 10:53 AM
    I would want to split the cost of transportation, but it sounds pretty fair otherwise.
  • TheIrishDuckie
    December 6, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


    I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???


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