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Deep Sighs and Confusion
by Anonymous
November 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM

 A baby is supposed to make a couple grow stronger, right? But nobody anticipates baby blues or lack of passion between you and your lover?

That is what I'm feeling right now. I love my daughter and God knows I do not regret having her in my life at all. But as my life has been accustomed to change with no mercy, I feel my husband's life remains the same- except for occasionally making late night trips to get the baby what she needs or going to work to support 2 others besides himself. I love my husband for doing what he does. He doesn't always help out with diaper changes and feedings though.

We haven't been having the most sex. And we do have time whenever our 2 month old daughter falls asleep (she's almost sleeping through the night). Instead of intimacy, he plays online with friends. I never minded it before, but I hate to be the one to initiate things- even our 1st date night where we had sex once the whole time :( I was expecting more. We've only had sex twice this month so far. And it's beginning to feel routine to me. We always have sex in bed- but I crave the urge to be more spontaneous. Before we married, he shared some of his sexual experiences he had with his past lovers (believe me, I didn't want to know), but now that I know, I feel like our sex life is so... dull compared to what he's done before.

Our sex life has decreased but I've checked the browser history on his laptop, and I see he's been watching porn this past week. Not just one site, but many. I know I already feel unattractive, but why can't he just wake me up and initiate something rather than wait til he's done playing online to see porn and masturbate?

Then to top it all off, I am embarrassed to admit I'm 22 and do not have my license or car yet. So... I'm stuck at home all the time :( Meanwhile his life goes on. He goes to work, hangs out with friends at midnight releases for video games, watches porn, plays with his friends online almost every night. And here I am, feeling like I am on lock down with the baby. Don't get me wrong at all. I absolutely love my daughter, but if I had a car, license, and money (no job since I've had her), I'd be going to parks and clubs to meet other mothers. Plus the lack of sex has me cranky

Replies

  • givenshl
    November 14, 2012 at 3:02 PM

     Set some goals for yourself to keep your mind occupied. Get your license, get you a job etc. As far as your relationship don't consume our brain with what he is doing, it will only make you feel down. Focus on continuing to love yourself and boosting your self-esteem so you can be the best mother to your BabyGirl and awesome lover to your Man that you can be. You don't have to wait on him, if you are craving more than you be the spontaneous one and lead him.

    Good luck to you, you will get there.

  • LuLuRex
    by LuLuRex
    November 14, 2012 at 4:32 PM

    It's sounds like you might have post pardom depression, you might want to bring up how you are feeling with your husband and your doctor. I wouldn't hold it in if I were you. Good luck, things will improve in time.

  • LancesMom
    November 15, 2012 at 10:08 AM

     welcomeNice to meet you! Have you talked to him and let him know how you feel? I would also mention your emotions to your Doctor.

  • Reina13
    by Reina13
    November 17, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

    Then sit down with your husband and just talk to him. Really talk. Don't accuse or get upset, just explain to him how you are feeling. Encourage him to open up to you too.

    Good luck.


  • ReadWriteLuv
    November 17, 2012 at 12:48 PM

    Why on earth do you not have a drivers license? And who ever told you that a baby strengthens a relationship? 

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    November 17, 2012 at 12:53 PM
    That isn't very nice. I know of people who haven't gotten a driver's license until they were over 30. Not everybody gets one at an early age, plus those who do are usually shitty drivers to begin with.
    And a baby can either make or break a relationship. It goes both ways

    Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

    Why on earth do you not have a drivers license? And who ever told you that a baby strengthens a relationship? 

  • ReadWriteLuv
    November 17, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    You know people who waiting until after 30? Do you live in Amish country? Seriously?

    I don't get why people put themselves in these positions. Don't you want anything for yourself at all?

    Quoting Anonymous:

    That isn't very nice. I know of people who haven't gotten a driver's license until they were over 30. Not everybody gets one at an early age, plus those who do are usually shitty drivers to begin with.
    And a baby can either make or break a relationship. It goes both ways

    Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

    Why on earth do you not have a drivers license? And who ever told you that a baby strengthens a relationship? 


  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    November 17, 2012 at 12:59 PM
    You need some marriage counseling. I don't know anyone without a license unless they are 18 and under. I would have checked myself into a looney bin home with a baby and no license.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    November 17, 2012 at 1:01 PM
    Because people have other priorities first. Full time college student and a full time worker after classes limits what people can do. I know how to drive. I just don't have the license to prove it.
    Driving is a privilege not a right.
  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    November 17, 2012 at 1:02 PM
    All college students I know drive.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Because people have other priorities first. Full time college student and a full time worker after classes limits what people can do. I know how to drive. I just don't have the license to prove it.

    Driving is a privilege not a right.

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