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mollyttc1
Don't know what to do....HELP!
October 2, 2012 at 11:54 AM

I need help. Dont know what to do. I want to leave my husband but I am scared to. I am scared for several reasons. One is that he threatens that if I ever leave him he will kill my mom, because he hates her so much and I believe he will. And two he is quite vengeful, i wouldn't put it past him to try and ruin my credit, steal all our money, etc. What do I do? I feel trapped!

Replies

  • Barabell
    October 2, 2012 at 12:10 PM

    Look into women shelters in your area. Definitely get help. When you leave, can you take your mom with you?

    In most areas, United Way's phone number is 211, and they work with resources like finding shelters.

  • GertieK
    by GertieK
    October 2, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    Get yourself AND your mom to safety.  He is using and counting on your fear to hold you in place.  Abuse only flourishes in the dark.  Bring it into the light, get hold of your backbone, and go for it.  You are a lot stronger than you know...than he has led you to believe.

  • LyTe684
    by LyTe684
    October 2, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    This!

    Quoting GertieK:

    Get yourself AND your mom to safety.  He is using and counting on your fear to hold you in place.  Abuse only flourishes in the dark.  Bring it into the light, get hold of your backbone, and go for it.  You are a lot stronger than you know...than he has led you to believe.


  • kitty8199
    October 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM
    Tell the police of the threat. They may can charge him with terroristic threats. That may scare him enough to not act. Get a protection order and run
  • fallenstars
    October 2, 2012 at 2:03 PM
    This


    Quoting GertieK:

    Get yourself AND your mom to safety.  He is using and counting on your fear to hold you in place.  Abuse only flourishes in the dark.  Bring it into the light, get hold of your backbone, and go for it.  You are a lot stronger than you know...than he has led you to believe.


  • jerzeetomato
    October 2, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    This

    Quoting Barabell:

    Look into women shelters in your area. Definitely get help. When you leave, can you take your mom with you?

    In most areas, United Way's phone number is 211, and they work with resources like finding shelters.


  • lemonade1
    October 2, 2012 at 5:01 PM

    Honey I was in your shoes 18 months ago.  I live in UK but sure you could go about this in same sort of way.  It's important to be sure of your plan beforehand if you can as you don't want anything going wrong. Our group does say that unless ur in immediate danger then planning is very helpful in making it stick as one little chink in ur armour may be his way back in.

    First I got in touch with Domestic Abuse counsellor so I was on their radar, that way they would check in on me at a time organised so he wouldn't be there.  Then when I made up my mind I got in touch with the police and asked what to do as I wanted to get him out as it is my house, he had no equity in it.  I got Mum up to stay with me so I could be sure she was okay (he had also threatened to kill her).  On the day I acted as normal as I could and sneaked his doorkey off his keyring and once he was gone my friend came round and we packed everything we could in a suitcase, took it to a hotel I had paid for 2 nites so he wasnt out on street.  Then Police gave me a script to phone him at work telling him he was not welcome at my home anymore and if he even tried to come near he would be arrested (didnt get drawn into why or how with him). He did keep texting as I wouldnt answer phone (changed number) so police rang him and told him not to.  It was hairy for a while but he kept pushing it and ended up being arrested and that made him stay away.

    With the financials, get them into the best shape for u that u can before you leave/throw him out without arousing his suspiscion.  If he steals ur money sue him, if he threatens u sue him. Dont be intimidated.

    Most of all make sure u get help from ur good friends, u certainly find out who are real friends then.

    U don't need to be scared my dear, I was for so long and I cannot believe I was so beaten down. Do it Honey and start living ur life again.

    BIG HUGS x

  • lemonade1
    October 2, 2012 at 5:04 PM

    Just to add to my last post he did steal my money but I count it a price worth paying to get rid of him and never see his mean face ever again.

  • GertieK
    by GertieK
    October 3, 2012 at 8:34 AM

    EXCELLENT ADVICE!  Keep us informed and updated.  You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.  I am married to a wonderful man, but was abducted, raped, and beaten when I was 18.... and then threated about keeping quiet.  The fear can certainly push you into a really bad place.  The first step really is the hardest, but you can do it.

  • Texascandee
    October 3, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    Wow, that's scary but you need to start a plan to get out.  In that situation I don't think you can just up and leave.  I would definately call the police and make a report of his threat so it's documented.  Can you find a place for you and your mom?  When you get ready to leave, take a bit of money out of the account at a time or when you go, take half of it which you're entitled to................wish you the best of luck

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