Breastfeeding Moms

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aymeejeanette
Pain-In-Law
March 31 at 7:39 AM


Well I survived those first painful 6 weeks of breastfeeding. I was able to take 15 full weeks of unpaid maternity leave which was wonderful time spent with my new baby boy. I'm five foot even and only gained 24 pounds during pregnancy and lost all but 4 of it so far. Husband is five foot 8 inches (I think) and weighs in about 135 ish?

So I return to work and must start sending baby to daycare with four bottles of breast milk per day while I am only producing while pumping two bottles a day. Blessidly I had 40 bottles "put back" in the freezer but am now down to SEVEN after spending this past weekend suffering with the NORO virus :( and having husband give baby several bottles of our dwindling reserve.

This is all the back story to my sister-in-law and mom-in-law "hounding" husband (their son and brother) that our baby is

"too small"

"not getting enough"

"too little"

"is he getting enough?"

"are you giving him enough"

"well how much are you feeding him in his bottles?"

"maybe mom isn't making enough"

"mom's milk isn't as fatty as it should be" (this comment came after sis-in-law babysat and gave baby a bottle of breast milk and was able to see what it looked like

Sis-in-law is a labor and delivery nurse and mom of two whom she formula fed and thus feels certain she is the expert on babies, parenting, and that since she wasn't able to withstand the pain and maintain breastfeeding is thus against it being a success for me. I guess she feels judged by me that I made it threw those six weeks and she wasn't able to make it past one but in reality I don't judge her for that. I totally understand because I too felt like giving up.

In the meantime baby boy is now full on rejecting my breast b/c it's harder to get milk from than from a bottle which he is in love with now. Plus he's starting teething behaviors and I think sometimes he's in pain. This all makes me super sad how he pushes away and I feel rejected :(

So all the stress of this in-law drama, going back to work, baby loving his daycare bottle, and the noro virus and I'm now getting next to nothing when I pump. I'm going to have to supplement within two days and may even end up having to full on give up and go to formula feeding all together.

I'm so PISSED at my in-laws and feel like their "harping" at my husband, his then stressing over it stressing me and drying me up, is causing us to have to do what they wanted and parent their way. I don't know how I'm going to ever deal with their

helicopter in-law behavior

in the long term. And we're vacationing with them at the beach for a full week this summer when baby is seven months! Originally I anticipated breast feeding while there but now will probably be bottle feeding with them walking around saying how they were so right about him not getting enough before and bla bla bla....

Grrrrr any input or co-misery?

Replies

  • K8wizzo
    by K8wizzo
    March 31 at 7:46 AM
    1. How long are you separated from baby? How much is baby nursing at home?
    2. How big are those bottles?
    3. Do you nurse at drop off and pick up?
    4. Are you pumping first thing every morning whether you're working or not?
    5. Do bottles have a slow flow nipple and are they being fed slowly using the paced feeding method?
    6. Has baby gained a minimum of 4 oz per week from lowest weight? If so, tell in laws to shut it because baby is gaining perfectly. You don't want to put baby on the fast track to diabetes and heart disease by stuffing him full of formula when it's not needed.
  • K8wizzo
    by K8wizzo
    March 31 at 7:51 AM
    Some other things, you can't tell the fat content of breastmilk by looking at it. With that point right there, your sil has earned ignore status because she doesn't know what she is talking about. I suspect that you are doing a whole lot better than you think you are. Even if you end up needing to supplement a little to make bottles while you're at work, which I have a feeling you may not, you can still nurse full time when you're together without a problem. From here on out, no bottles are to be given while you are in the house, especially if you're sick because your antibodies protect baby from the illness.
  • MinaPR
    by MinaPR
    March 31 at 8:23 AM

    For the teething try the tablets and an amber necklace or bracelet. I also give my DD frozen breast milk cubes in a mesh feeder.

    Don't listen to your in laws! My mom is like that, and I just ignore her "ignorant" comments. Your milk is all your baby needs, it was made for him. Human milk for a human baby, formula is made from cow's milk, therefore, it should be fed to calves...

    On your days of, DO NOT use bottles. Just nurse him all day long. It will help boost your supply. Nurse before you drop him of at daycare, and from the moment you pick him up in after work. No bottles when mom is around!

    If you are not a diabetic and are not pregnant, take fenugreek. Eat oatmeal, drink lots of water, take brewer's yeast, blessed thistle, and/or mother's milk tea. You can also take Domperidone to help your pump output while you build up your freezer stash again.

    Don't give up, you've already been through the roughest part. Good luck, and keep us posted!!!

  • shortyali
    March 31 at 8:37 AM
    Gina often says the term "in-law" translates into "to be ignored". I know it's hard when they are the baby sitters but tell them they either follow your wishes or they are no longer needed and you will find a new sitter.
    I would still nurse in vacation and to heck with them. Save the bottles for when your not around.
  • gdiamante
    March 31 at 11:22 AM

    We start here: "In law" is a suffix meaning TO BE IGNORED.

    Quoting aymeejeanette:

    Well I survived those first painful 6 weeks of breastfeeding. I was able to take 15 full weeks of unpaid maternity leave which was wonderful time spent with my new baby boy. I'm five foot even and only gained 24 pounds during pregnancy and lost all but 4 of it so far. Husband is five foot 8 inches (I think) and weighs in about 135 ish?

    So I return to work and must start sending baby to daycare with four bottles of breast milk per day while I am only producing while pumping two bottles a day. Blessidly I had 40 bottles "put back" in the freezer but am now down to SEVEN after spending this past weekend suffering with the NORO virus :( and having husband give baby several bottles of our dwindling reserve.

    In one way, it's better that the stash is gone. Stashes encourage overfeeding. One day's pumping should be the next day's feeding, with baby getting 1 - 1.25 ounces per hour of separation in servings no larger than 3 ounces. Be glad the stash is gone. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true.

    This is all the back story to my sister-in-law and mom-in-law "hounding" husband (their son and brother) that our baby is

    "too small"

    "not getting enough"

    "too little"

    "is he getting enough?"

    "are you giving him enough"

    "well how much are you feeding him in his bottles?"

    "maybe mom isn't making enough"

    "mom's milk isn't as fatty as it should be" (this comment came after sis-in-law babysat and gave baby a bottle of breast milk and was able to see what it looked like

    Sis-in-law is a labor and delivery nurse

    L&D nurses are amongst the WORST for newborns, ranking only after pediatricians.

    and mom of two whom she formula fed

    Ask your husband if he would take advice on a car from someone who's never even SEEN a car? If he says no, tell him his sister is the person who's never seen a car!

    and thus feels certain she is the expert on babies, parenting, and that since she wasn't able to withstand the pain and maintain breastfeeding is thus against it being a success for me. I guess she feels judged by me that I made it threw those six weeks and she wasn't able to make it past one but in reality I don't judge her for that. I totally understand because I too felt like giving up.

    That's good and very kind of you.

    In the meantime baby boy is now full on rejecting my breast b/c it's harder to get milk from than from a bottle which he is in love with now. Plus he's starting teething behaviors and I think sometimes he's in pain. This all makes me super sad how he pushes away and I feel rejected :(

    You're not rejected. And to be honest, I'll put this pretty much ALL on the teething. His behavior is QUITE normal for this age, even if he'd never had a single bottle ever. If you're not using teething remedies like Hylands before a feeding, then start.

    So all the stress of this in-law drama, going back to work, baby loving his daycare bottle, and the noro virus and I'm now getting next to nothing when I pump. I'm going to have to supplement within two days and may even end up having to full on give up and go to formula feeding all together.

    Nah. If he gets ONE BOTTLE of breastmilk a MONTH you're good.

    I'm so PISSED at my in-laws and feel like their "harping" at my husband, his then stressing over it stressing me and drying me up, is causing us to have to do what they wanted and parent their way. I don't know how I'm going to ever deal with their

    helicopter in-law behavior

    This is a MARITAL problem and you need to tell your husband his parents are ENDANGERING your marriage and that counseling is in order if he wants to save it. A couneselor can help you both deal with how to handle interfering family.

    in the long term. And we're vacationing with them at the beach for a full week this summer when baby is seven months! Originally I anticipated breast feeding while there but now will probably be bottle feeding with them walking around saying how they were so right about him not getting enough before and bla bla bla....

    Grrrrr any input or co-misery?

    I'd tell my husbabnd that I am SKIPPING the family vacation  and may be skipping the marriage altogether if his parents don't BUTT OUT and ONLY offer advice when ASKED FOR IT!

    I had a helicopter dad, not about breastfeeding but about other things, and we had to do this. I'll be honest, he refused to speak to my husband for most of the last year of his life. But I'd have been divorced without it.


  • KREX0914
    March 31 at 1:04 PM

    All in-laws suck. Especially your SIL. She can go do something explicit to herself. Especially if as a nurse she honestly thinks formula is better for infants than breastmilk ... 

    Focusing just on the working and pumping issue: if you honestly think you are having a supply issue, have you tried natural remedies such as Fenugreek? My pediatrician told me to take 3 Fenugreek pills 3 times a day (9 total) until I got the amount of supply I needed to be pumping. It's fairly inexpensive (about $7 for 160 pills at Walmart) and it's all natural.

  • aehanrahan
    March 31 at 1:16 PM
    I agree with everything above!^^^
    Answer Kate's questions and we'll be able to help you better.
  • jean_marie1987
    March 31 at 1:35 PM

     I second this.

    Quoting aehanrahan: I agree with everything above!^^^ Answer Kate's questions and we'll be able to help you better.

     

  • LoveMyDog
    April 1 at 6:04 AM

    Your husband needs to confront his nurse sister and tell her that he is shocked shocked and dismayed that someone in her profession could be such a booby trap.  Then just walk away.  I bet that would get her head to wip around!

  • Heart_2_a_USM
    April 1 at 9:09 AM
    I'm still learning the basics of bottle feeding a breastfed baby, so I don't have too much advice about that. But I feel your pain with the inlaws. MIL has not stopped since Day 1.

    Feeding on demand is wrong.
    Eating every 2 hours in ridiculous.
    She needs rice cereal in a bottle before bed, so she'll sleep thru the night.

    And ofcourse, all the data I have found contrary to her advice is ludicrous because her kids were fine.

    I could go on. But the best advice I have gotten was from our pediatrician. He said there is huge generational gap breastfeeding mothers have to deal with today. The formula generation was great for giving mothers more options, but a lot of things were lost. Our great grandmother's would tell us to trust our bodies to do what they were meant to. Everyone has an answer. But in the end, whatever works for you and your LO is the best.

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