Breastfeeding Moms

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My husband would rather I give up
December 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.


  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:21 AM

    yea thats basically what i've been doing....

    Quoting tbursac777:

     i'd just tell him to deal with it, end of story.

    what a jerk

  • CountryGirl0809
    December 15, 2012 at 12:21 AM
    Seriously though this is one subject he really has no say over at all! See that is when mom power comes in. Lol

    Quoting ncohetero:

    That is funny. I actually did squirt him in the eye once

    Quoting CountryGirl0809:

    I'd squirt him with breast milk! And say run!!! Run as far as you can! I'm sorry hrs so unsupportive.

  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    Sadly he knows all those things and only cares about convenience like hes the one that's actually physically investing themselves. I refer to him as my third child and i hope he grows up soon because i dont feel like i'm missing out on anything

    Quoting tabi_cat1023:

    Does he know the risks of formula, the costs of formula.  DOes he know that WIC doesnt give all the formula needed to feed a baby so it would end up costing.  DOes he realize that FF babies get sick more so medical costs would be higher.

    I think he is being selfish and as a father he needs to applaud you for doing the best for your baby.  Being a parent of a young child means giving up going out alot, it means dealing with nightwakings and feedings.  IT means becoming "boring" for a bit, but its also rewarding watching your child grow into a loving person because of the attention given to them.

  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:33 AM

    Thats the thing I feel like this works for me right now but apparenty it just doesnt work for him.

    Quoting jakesmom323:

    EBF is hard and can be "boring" at times because it is very time consuming. The ladies on here really helped me with my issues and I decided to BF, pump and store, and formula supplement during the day. It's more fair of my time so I can run errands, go to the gym, take my 3 yr old to day school, etc.. I still get that bonding BF time at nights with my baby, I don't feel depressed due to having him on me for 7 plus hours a day, and I'm really happy now. Just find things that work for you and baby and have an adult convo on what would be best for everyone. Good luck with your decision;)

  • pipers_mom
    December 15, 2012 at 12:35 AM
    Since you've had PPD before you should have him talk to your doctor about the benefits of breastfeeding when dealing with PPD. This is my third child, I didn't breastfeed my older 2 and I had PPD, I'm breastfeeding this one and no PPD!
  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:37 AM

    Thank you that is exactly how i feel

    Quoting briebaby123:

    Good for you!! Don't give up!!
    Breastfeeding IS hard, but it's worth it!!
    And formula is expensive.

    I wish he could be more supportive and understand that this is most important for your baby right now.

  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:42 AM

    thats a good idea. im going to try that when he goes off again

    Quoting skittle_jitters:

    Hang in there. You should make him taste formula and then your breast milk and ask which he'd rather drink!!!

  • Lisa009
    by Lisa009
    December 15, 2012 at 12:49 AM

    Wow, I hardly know what to say. Why have kids if you are going to feel bummed out and inconvenienced everytime your personal play time gets encroached upon? It is not like this is for years and years till your kids leave home. BF'ing is just for a season with each child. 

    What happens when they are done BF'ing but some new need that is relevant to their age comes along, will he ask you to compromise then too?

    I would suggest going back to the breast when you can or you could end up losing your supply. Also, part of the reason one BF's is the emotional aspect with the child. I am sad you are missing this benefit for both you and your child.

    And okay, so you pump every three hours. Go see a 1.5 hour movie or have dinner out and then come home and pump. He needs to face that even without BF'ing, life will never be the same again. You cannot just come and go when you please with children. Their needs come first before party time.

     Is thre any other male that your husband respects that supports his BF'ing wife who he could be in contact with? Like someone in a local LLL group?

    I am very fortunate, my son is three and still BF's  and my DH is very supportive of it. I hope you can get through to him. Try showing him how much formula costs! I have read it can be at least a couple thousand dollars to use formula for the nursing time. BF'ing can also help save money later by giving you a healthier child overall. Maybe use the financial perspective.

    Also explain if you do not BF or pump on a schedule, you will lose your supply.

    Best of luck.

  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:55 AM

    i'm considering sitting down with a lactation consultant with him present so he could get the facts from a professional

    Quoting mama2gg:

    Wtf this is VERY unhealthy marriage I would work on therapy for you two so he can learn to support your choices

    He sounds very childish and immature

  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 1:00 AM

    oh i am and i hope it doesnt take me breaking down for him to see my perspective on things

    Quoting birdiemom:

     My DH was less than supportive at the beginning. I broke down one night and told him he was ruining breastfeeding for us (me and DS) and that this was VERY important to me. If you can't be supportive, then shove it. 9 1/2 months later, his attitude has changed greatly and he's proud of me. Didn't even blink an eye when I told him I wasn't stopping at a year. You need to stand up for yourself and your baby!

    Also, my DH is always glad to have a designated driver.

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