Breastfeeding Moms

ncohetero
My husband would rather I give up
December 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.

Replies

  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:11 PM

    i don't know what he thought breastfeeding was like. i don't think he's ever had to experience it first hand. all he hears are stories from around his family and they make it sound like it just flows out whenever its needed. they fail to stress the hours that have to be put in to maintain a healthy supply

    Quoting BabyPink07:

    Your SO needs to grow up. If he's jealous he can actually participate and help in your breast feeding journey.


  • larissalarie
    December 14, 2012 at 11:17 PM
    I completely agree.
    If he does get "fed up" with his "boring" life and leave, it sounds like that might be a positive in your life!

    Most of my friends formula feed. Their lives are just as "boring" as mine. Parents who still go out constantly after kids usually aren't regarded as very good parents :-\


    Quoting IrishIz:

    Honestly, he sounds like an immature jerk who should have never had kids.  He is really that concerned over his social life?  He's married with kids...social life goes away or becomes minimal.  This isn't just about breastfeeding but about him wanting to control you and have a specific lifestyle.  I wouldn't be able to deal with a "father/husband" who was that concerned about his social life.  That would be a relationship ender.  The only thing I can suggest...get into therapy with him because he has some changes he needs to make.

  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:21 PM

    Ugh it is so tiring listening to his complaints and crappy reasoning. He started his tirade again today except this time it was that breastfeeding is leaving me with no life and directly interfering with his so i must be doing it wrong. Really?! and all because i finally got to sleep, like really sleep, for the first time since yesterday at around 1pm and slept till 4 20pm and after waking jumped onto the pump instead of running to the supermarket for him. 

    Personally i really couldnt care less about his need to party. it's a party to me every day when i play with my kids. its just driving me crazy because i want to keep the peace at home but can't seem to do it without killing myself by either never sleeping or by switching to formula which is not an option to me unless i have something physically wrong with me.

    Quoting Julia.C:

    This runs through me - can't stand this. 

    I know what I would do if it was my husband, but that's probably not a good idea if you want to keep the peace.  I would sweetly suggest you forcefully lay down the law when it comes to your children ( which seems apparent that you are already doing it )  ;)  From what you've written it also seems like he is just complaining and whining ( which, although tiring on the spirit ) is usually handled by " ignoring " - I would just completely ignore everything he was saying. 

    Smile and in a very sarcastic tone say OK - YOU GOT IT - YOU'RE THE BOSS - YOU RULE - PARTY TIME - TUBULAR - FUN - PUMP IT UP - LET ME GO GET MY HOT PANTS ON - YOU GOT THE LIQUOR READY - LETS DO THIS.   ::: I imagine you saying that while the breast pump is going to work :::    

    To be honest, I think you already know in your heart what is best and I send you the energy to put up with his verbal manipulation and not let it bother you.  Men can be tools, just don't let him make you compromise something that is so good for your baby.


  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:24 PM

    I completely agree with you. when i see a parent out all the time i just feel like something is wrong with them because personally i love being with my kids all day. i don't find it boring or tedious. i actually told him today that something must be completely screwed up in his head that he sees our newborn as a burden. he needs a damn wake up call since he says he still wants to be apart of this household

    Quoting larissalarie:

    I completely agree.
    If he does get "fed up" with his "boring" life and leave, it sounds like that might be a positive in your life!

    Most of my friends formula feed. Their lives are just as "boring" as mine. Parents who still go out constantly after kids usually aren't regarded as very good parents :-\


    Quoting IrishIz:

    Honestly, he sounds like an immature jerk who should have never had kids.  He is really that concerned over his social life?  He's married with kids...social life goes away or becomes minimal.  This isn't just about breastfeeding but about him wanting to control you and have a specific lifestyle.  I wouldn't be able to deal with a "father/husband" who was that concerned about his social life.  That would be a relationship ender.  The only thing I can suggest...get into therapy with him because he has some changes he needs to make.


  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:27 PM

    i think he was only on board with breastfeeding because everyone says its better but since he was never really educated about it he just thought it was just as simple as formula feeding. Like the two are really interchangeable.  

    Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

    I think hubby needs to do some research on the benefits of breastmilk vs. the risks of formula. Babies are only babies for such a short time and these are the sacrifices one makes when becoming a parent. Seems like he just needs a reminding of all that.
    Huge kudos for EPing!!


  • larissalarie
    December 14, 2012 at 11:32 PM
    You are awesome to be so strong!! Your kids are lucky to have such a great Mom.
    I how he gets his head outta his ass before it's too late.


    Quoting ncohetero:

    I completely agree with you. when i see a parent out all the time i just feel like something is wrong with them because personally i love being with my kids all day. i don't find it boring or tedious. i actually told him today that something must be completely screwed up in his head that he sees our newborn as a burden. he needs a damn wake up call since he says he still wants to be apart of this household


    Quoting larissalarie:

    I completely agree.

    If he does get "fed up" with his "boring" life and leave, it sounds like that might be a positive in your life!



    Most of my friends formula feed. Their lives are just as "boring" as mine. Parents who still go out constantly after kids usually aren't regarded as very good parents :-\




    Quoting IrishIz:

    Honestly, he sounds like an immature jerk who should have never had kids.  He is really that concerned over his social life?  He's married with kids...social life goes away or becomes minimal.  This isn't just about breastfeeding but about him wanting to control you and have a specific lifestyle.  I wouldn't be able to deal with a "father/husband" who was that concerned about his social life.  That would be a relationship ender.  The only thing I can suggest...get into therapy with him because he has some changes he needs to make.


  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:35 PM

    I'm trying to be patient with his. Hes a spoiled mamas boy and apparently I was meant to pick up the slack by waiting on him and also spport every bs idea he comes up with like you should be able to go out every weekend married with kids or not as long as you're under 35. Personally as a mom once my daughter was born the whole idea of going out to a club or drinking till i was completely wrecked just dissipated. I just want to be with my kids and see them happy. I could do that day in and day out and not feel liek ive wasted my days or my life in general. but not him it's like he's trying to prove something to himself. like he's trying to say he wasn't tied down, that nothing could change him. apparently thats what makes a real man...i hope he gets a wake up call soon.

    Quoting IrishIz:

    Honestly, he sounds like an immature jerk who should have never had kids.  He is really that concerned over his social life?  He's married with kids...social life goes away or becomes minimal.  This isn't just about breastfeeding but about him wanting to control you and have a specific lifestyle.  I wouldn't be able to deal with a "father/husband" who was that concerned about his social life.  That would be a relationship ender.  The only thing I can suggest...get into therapy with him because he has some changes he needs to make.


  • ncohetero
    December 14, 2012 at 11:59 PM

    Sadly he does have friends that have kids and think the way he does. It feels like I'm in the twilight zone. The one friend of his that does have kids that actually likes to do everything with it is seen as a weirdo to everyone but me. 

    Quoting Amberleigh81:

    This ISN'T a breastfeeding issue.

    This is a douchebag issue. And your SO is one. Seriously.

    Poor guy. He chose to procreate and bring innocent children into this world and now he can't party all the time and do whatever he wants. Wah...

    I have an issue with people who DON'T think life changes with parenthood. My husband and I waited for almost a decade to have kids. We knew we needed to be totally ready to be parents. My husband used to be very selfish about his time and toys, so I do understand that attitude. He just grew up and is now the most amazing husband and father. He is mature enough to handle his responsibilities.

    I would suggest finding a group of husbands/fathers for your husband to know. I bet all of his friends are childless or single. He needs to make a new social circle since he chose to be a family man.


  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:18 AM

    I wish I could convey to him how immature his views are. I really am starting to believe that he honestly thinks that him getting everything he wants is in the best interest of our kids

    Quoting ruby_jewel_04:

    He needs to pull his head out of his ass and grow the hell up. Breast feeding your baby is essential to you. You should not give it up because your husband thinks it makes you boring. This is temporary. And he needs to realize that. Breast milk is fat better and cheaper for your baby. And as for nursing or pumping in front of people, he needs to pull his head out on that one as well. It is perfectly legal for you to nurse in public and there are ways to do it and not show anything. He is bring incredibly immature and selfish putting his wants in front of the best interest of his child. And you can tell him I said so, read this to him.


  • ncohetero
    December 15, 2012 at 12:19 AM

    That is funny. I actually did squirt him in the eye once

    Quoting CountryGirl0809:

    I'd squirt him with breast milk! And say run!!! Run as far as you can! I'm sorry hrs so unsupportive.


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