Breastfeeding Moms

ncohetero
My husband would rather I give up
December 14, 2012 at 4:07 AM
Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.

He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.

I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point. But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.

Replies

  • tbursac777
    December 14, 2012 at 9:22 AM

     i'd just tell him to deal with it, end of story.

    what a jerk

  • tabi_cat1023
    December 14, 2012 at 9:40 AM

    Does he know the risks of formula, the costs of formula.  DOes he know that WIC doesnt give all the formula needed to feed a baby so it would end up costing.  DOes he realize that FF babies get sick more so medical costs would be higher.

    I think he is being selfish and as a father he needs to applaud you for doing the best for your baby.  Being a parent of a young child means giving up going out alot, it means dealing with nightwakings and feedings.  IT means becoming "boring" for a bit, but its also rewarding watching your child grow into a loving person because of the attention given to them.

  • jakesmom323
    December 14, 2012 at 9:46 AM
    EBF is hard and can be "boring" at times because it is very time consuming. The ladies on here really helped me with my issues and I decided to BF, pump and store, and formula supplement during the day. It's more fair of my time so I can run errands, go to the gym, take my 3 yr old to day school, etc.. I still get that bonding BF time at nights with my baby, I don't feel depressed due to having him on me for 7 plus hours a day, and I'm really happy now. Just find things that work for you and baby and have an adult convo on what would be best for everyone. Good luck with your decision;)
  • briebaby123
    December 14, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Good for you!! Don't give up!!
    Breastfeeding IS hard, but it's worth it!!
    And formula is expensive.

    I wish he could be more supportive and understand that this is most important for your baby right now.

  • skittle_jitters
    December 14, 2012 at 10:00 AM
    Hang in there. You should make him taste formula and then your breast milk and ask which he'd rather drink!!!
  • mama2gg
    by mama2gg
    December 14, 2012 at 10:08 AM
    Wtf this is VERY unhealthy marriage I would work on therapy for you two so he can learn to support your choices

    He sounds very childish and immature
  • birdiemom
    December 14, 2012 at 10:14 AM

     My DH was less than supportive at the beginning. I broke down one night and told him he was ruining breastfeeding for us (me and DS) and that this was VERY important to me. If you can't be supportive, then shove it. 9 1/2 months later, his attitude has changed greatly and he's proud of me. Didn't even blink an eye when I told him I wasn't stopping at a year. You need to stand up for yourself and your baby!

    Also, my DH is always glad to have a designated driver.

  • gdiamante
    December 14, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    We start here... unless he's done the homework on formula vs breastmilk he gets ZERO say. (That principle applies to everything by the way... do the homework or shut up.)

    Quoting ncohetero:

    Breastfeeding altogether that is. I've chosen to exclusively pump but even when I was putting baby directly on my breast i still got complaints. He thinks I spend too much time making milk as he puts it. Says I'm lazy because the majority of my day is taking care of both the kids and pumping milk. But this is important. My kids come first. I'm mommy. And yes I need to pump every two to three hours, its necessary.
    Yes, it is.

    He just doesn't get it. He sees the milk piling up in the freezer and tells me that its enough. What's the point of storing it if I'm just going to keep adding to all that. He says I make enough that I don't have to do it so often. But I don't know how many times I could explain that I'm making enough because of my feeding schedule.
    Make him read info on exclusive pumping. Tell him UNLESS HE READS THE INFORMATION, you're not going to pay attention to him.

    I feel like he just resents me at times. People around us are able to go out to parties, movies, etc on a whim and he feels I'm holding him back from it all and making marriage and life in general boring for him at this point.
    WELCOME TO MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD. He's being a dummy. REAL LIFE is boring. Most parents who are NOT breastfeeding don't go to parties movies etc. If he expected to have his single male life back, he should never have fathered children. It's a permanent change. If he's not willing to accept that, then he needs to be thrown back into the pond.
    The problem isn't breastfeeding... it's a BOY who shouldn't have become a father. Sorry.
    But he doesn't feel comfortable with me whipping my boob for nursing or pumping when people are around. I do draw the line when its family. Screw that they could deal with it. But if anyone else is around I either have to skip a feeding or seclude myself in a room till I'm done.

    I just had an appt for wic and he told me to as for formula. I said I would not and he just kept trying to come up with excuses for me to do so. Like "oh but you'll be able to sleep more." It's just so discouraging.

    Idk what to do. I don't want him to get so fed up with his "boring" life because I'm actually choosing to breastfeed. But I dont want to give up producing and feeding my baby what's best. Sorry for the long post. But its been eating at me and I had to get it out.

    Keep doing what you're doing. Realize that even if you were formula feeding it would be the same. He's not grown up enough for the life he's in. Sorry

  • Dee0886
    by Dee0886
    December 14, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    The second DH brought up a complaint about BFing, I told him "ok then YOU can breastfeed the baby and give me a break....oh you can't? Then you're not allowed to have an opinion about it"...he didn't have much to say since then.

  • macbudsmom
    December 14, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    Sounds like neither of you were ready for another baby.  Good luck.

Breastfeeding Moms