African American Mommies

Lost innocence
October 12, 2013 at 9:32 PM

Hello everyone,

I am interested in new perspectives. We live in a predominantly white area, and my daughter is one of two black kids in her class. The other day she came home and said she wished she were white. She also started looking around at other black people and comparing herself to then for example "I'm lighter than her". How do you deal with situations like this? My family is very diverse, my mother is white, dad black and I have a "step" grandma that is Thai and the list goes on. I remember a few incidents when I was younger, but it seems to cut deeper when it's your baby. :(


  • Mommabearbergh
    October 12, 2013 at 11:54 PM
    The color issue has come up for us also but my dd wishes she was darker like me and her younger sister. I asked and was told to let her know her complexion is beautiful but I tell my dd she is beautiful anyways just have to throw in get complexion is beautiful. I wish I did have to and people were just crayola colors to her still. Lol.
  • Jaysmommy32
    October 13, 2013 at 6:20 AM
    At this point in time, I honestly don't have an answer on how to deal with this... Other than constasnt encouragement. Letting her know she is beautiful JUST THE WAY SHE IS.

    This is something that I do worry about also. My son is the ONLY black child in his class.and one of I believe 6 in our entire school. Right now he's 14 months so of course color is not an issue for him. He loves all of his little friends and they love him also. But I do worry about what's gonna happen when he gets to be 3 or 4 and he's upstairs where the kids WILL point out that they are different... Not necessisarily in a "bad" way but just that "you're different"

    My coworker son used to go to our school and was told once by a classmate he could NOT be the dad because he's brown and there are no brown girls to be the mom and no brown babies in their classroom. She said he went on and on about being brown for weeks and it hurt her.

    So idk. But I pray you and your daughter well on this issue.

  • Bribriesmom
    October 13, 2013 at 7:26 AM
    I experienced this growing up, my friends always compared their complexion to mine and flat out had issues with my mother being multi-racial. They key is educating her on our Culture, affirm her constantly by telling her she's beautiful, let her know when she is doing great things. Boost her self-esteem constantly. My daughter is 15 months old and I have taken her to a Pow Wow (Native American), teaching her Spanish and will be taking her to Black Cultural events. It's just sad that in today's time, that people still don't embrace others differences. I do get upset when people ask my daughter's name and when I tell them Mikaela, they respond, "Oh, she has a very nice name." WTH is that supposed to mean. The women; including myself we have Spanish names.
  • Starrnak
    October 13, 2013 at 8:53 AM

    Thanks everyone. Growing up in a mixed family really broadens your knowledge. There are some truly ignorant people out there. My husband is from Argentina so our son has very latin features. I was at a BBQ with him and this guy kept staring at me, then asked if he would get darker. I was truly puzzled by this, not sure if he meant if he could tan. Wish I could of thought better on my feet because it would ave been a great educational opportunity.

  • jinxmom
    by jinxmom
    October 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    I've been where you've been only my dd didn't question her blackness only how she was treated differently by some of her peers at school.  When my dd was 7 we moved to a predominantly white community b/c the school system is excellent, still is, but she was the only "brown" person in her class for 2 yrs but when another "brown" person (her words)  came along she finally had someone she could connect with although their wasn't any negativity from it (b/c she didn't say anything) about wanting to be white etc. I always told her it was ok and no matter what you are worthy of being in this place.  Treat ppl the way you want to be treated and it will be ok.  At 9, the n word came out of a boy's mouth and lets just say he never used it again in her presence or around her. ugh My dd experienced racism but she handled herself well throughout her junior and high school experience. Just encourage ur dd and let her know its what within that will shape her character and maybe change the world. (HUGS)

  • .Peaches.
    October 13, 2013 at 7:27 PM

    This hasn't been an issue with my girls- my family is very racially diverse, and that may be the reason, I'm really not sure. The only thing I can tell you that I tell other people is to tell her that she's perfect the way she is.

  • leaniece
    October 13, 2013 at 9:35 PM
    I'm sorry you're going through that. I really haven't had to deal with my oldest son dealing with connecting with anyone- being the only biracial kid in a class full of Caucasian kids. When he was in pre-k, we lived in Nebraska and he was the only biracial kid in his class. I noticed that he talked to everyone but when he started going to school is when he asked me why I'm brown, and started really noticing he was different from his peers. But he was okay with that. He learned that that's how God made us. Now that we live in Colorado- it's more diverse. There are several biracial kids, Hispanic, Asian, and AA and Caucasian in his 1st grade class. He talks to everyone, but his best bud is Caucasian- he is so cool lol. I've noticed that he will describe AA kids or people by saying ,"they have skin like u, mommy."
    When u say your dd says "I'm lighter than her"-- is it as if she thinks lighter is better or she is better? Because my sons make comparisons with each other (one son is lighter and a yr younger- almost Caucasian like my DH) but not like I'm better than you- more like, you are light like dad, and I'm dark like mom. High five! Lol. they both love their differences and embrace them. They love the fact they look like one of their parents. That's all that matters to them at this point. I would try to reiterate-- yes, you are lighter but that's just the way God made you. Skin color doesn't make us who we are- yes it's the first thing we see but it really is what's on the inside that counts. I hope this helps. Keep being positive about it. 😉
  • LNLMommy
    October 14, 2013 at 9:22 AM

    I sort of dealt with this with my now 6yr old, she didn't really see beauty in different colors and even said she wanted to be white. I had to show her that she is beautiful the way God made her and all colors are beautiful. She finally gets that now. 

  • KikiKia
    by KikiKia
    October 14, 2013 at 10:03 AM

    I grew up in a predominantly white area.  In ballet I told my Mom I wished I was white because I have never seen any Black ballerinas.  This of course was before google and I am sure if she had it back then she would have shown me Black ballerinas.

    When I got older I noticed all my friends were white and when I would try and befriend the Black kids they thought I "acted too white".  Then as a preteen I wished I was dark, because then I could really be "Black" and look more "Afrocentric".

    Its tough but I got through it and your daughter will too.  Try and be honest with her and give her the knowledge to be able to work through these kind of interactions on her own.  My Mom and Dad always talked to me and as a kid I had some confidence issues but my parents helped me work through that.

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