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dandeli0nwishes
Am I being hormonal?
November 14, 2012 at 1:22 AM

 My SIL has nothing for her son that was just born. I have a lot for my son and I'm not due until march 23. Do you think I should let her borrow what I have or give her some? Back story:



I'm 20, my DH is 23, we have an almost 3 year old son & am expecting another in March. I got rid of all my sons baby things, thinking that I was done having kids. DH works a minim wage job and I only work part time, so we do not have currently have a lot of money. But, I did manage to save about $130 that I used very wisely at garage sales, on clearance items with coupons and at thrift stores. I now have a diaper bag, two laundry baskets full of baby cloths in sizes newborn -18 months (almost done with my newborn and 0-3 months sizes) I have a set of bottles,all the receiving blankets I need, a baby bed, tons of shoes, a bouncer, all the hats I need for 6 months and Will be starting to stalk up on diapers soon. I also, have had my sons xmas money put away for quite some time.

 My SIL is 29 years old. she just had her first baby. She had to be put on bed rest at around 6 months into her pregnancy due to diabetes. she never changed her diet or quit smoking. She did get disability, but no other assistance. Idk how much she made, I know she lived with her mom rent free. I don't are how small of an amount it should have gone towards her preparing for the baby. DH & I gave her $20 gift card that she got a diaper bag with. I wish I could have given her more.  Weeks before baby was born she learned that her husband has been cheating on her for 6+ months and has moved a state away. He was gone for 6+ months looking for some where for them to live supposedly. she sent him money and he didn't work.  He severed her with divorce papers. Her baby has been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks now due to breathing and eating issues. They think it may be due to the diabetes or it's chromosomal. 

The only baby items she has or from her shower and from the nice people that she is staying with. she has no newborn things and her son is barley 6 pounds.  She has a few 0-3 months, but mostly large sizes, a pack and play and a high chair. Last time I checked she had no car seat or stroller!  I think she's assuming the people she's staying with will just buy her one because they've been paying her hotel bill. The hospital is 5 hours away from her home, so she's been in a hotel near the hospital for the last few weeks and will stay there until the baby is discharged in a week or more. DH thinks I should give her some of what we have  and she has acted like she's assuming I will. I don't feel obligated to pity her. I will be there to baby sit for her or for her to talk to.she isn't speaking with her family and only has a few friends.  I know she's going through a really rough time, but she hasn't even tried to get her baby items. AM I being selfish? I wouldn't mind letting her borrow some things if I knew she would return them in good condition. I'm scared she'll smoke around them and stain them or just not give them back. What would you do? I have told her about the church programs here that give you a bag of clothes for free. She does nurse family partnership, so she knows what resources are available to her.

Replies

  • jbena23
    by jbena23
    November 14, 2012 at 2:19 AM

    You shouldn't have to give her anything because she is acting like everyone else is going to give her stuff out of pity however she is family and I am not saying to give her all of the stuff you have saved but just a lil bit. I can see how you can feel like that I would've have been the same way. You are probably thinking, why should I have to give her anything when I am busting my butt to provide for my child while she is over there doing nothing to help her self, totally understandable. But like I said she is family and you do still have until March to continue to get stuff for your baby. Look at it like this, GOD will bless you for the good deeds that you do, no deed goes unnoticed. I hope this helps if you need anything feel free to message me.

  • heather4511
    November 14, 2012 at 3:07 AM
    You are doing all you can do. Most importantly, you have to worry about your own family. Her soon to be ex should get a job and support his own child.
  • cemcnair
    November 14, 2012 at 12:10 PM
    I don't think you should give her anything. It sounds like it would not be treated nicely and possibly not returned. You don't want it to smell like smoke :/
    I've learned this the hard way-you can only help people willing to help themselves or you'll just get taken advantage of. I do feel sorry for her situation, but not her actions.
  • -SamSam-
    November 14, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    Help her with a few things maybe, but when someone expects other people to help it is a good indicator that there is a good chance they will misuse what they have been given. 

    Further more I think if you really want to help her, turn her toward some thrift stores. There are charities and such things. Make her look and work for what she needs. I feel that I would want to help but only if the person is making an effort to help herself. Like you said with the church there are plenty of resources out there. She shouldn't be having that rough of a time. And if she hasn't stopped smoking or anything even during pregnancy I don't think she's going to take the utmost care of anything you give her, or Gods forbid it, her own child. Help her to help herself. 

  • eds6619
    by eds6619
    November 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM

     No I wouldn't give her your stuff....you might not get it back and you'll be needing it.

  • italianbesos
    November 14, 2012 at 6:56 PM
    Don't make the same mistake I did. I gave my sister everything for her son
    I had brand new top baby items too. After she was done I asked for them back and found out she sold everything for a new cell phone and to pay for her bd recording studio timr. This bitch made ove 500 on stuff I spent thousands on. Now I have to buy every thing over again.
  • dandeli0nwishes
    November 14, 2012 at 7:23 PM

    Thanks guys. If I get anything extra given to me I'll give to her. An old friend offered me baby things for free, but idk if it's a for sure thing. If I buy anymore bags of clothing I will also give her what I don't need But I'm not giving her anything I will need. I need the comfort of knowing I'm prepared for this baby. And btw I just found out that my job is over right after I have the baby :( & the baby will most likley be early from what doctors say. Hopefully I can get this other job with the county. I have great connections, but everything takes so long with the county. Could be 6+ months before I hear back. If I don't find something by the time this job ends. I won't be able to keep my apartment, well technicaly  I could but then I wouldn't  have electricity, no car and  hardly any food lol.

  • KDouglas2
    November 15, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    Well said!


    Quoting jbena23:

    You shouldn't have to give her anything because she is acting like everyone else is going to give her stuff out of pity however she is family and I am not saying to give her all of the stuff you have saved but just a lil bit. I can see how you can feel like that I would've have been the same way. You are probably thinking, why should I have to give her anything when I am busting my butt to provide for my child while she is over there doing nothing to help her self, totally understandable. But like I said she is family and you do still have until March to continue to get stuff for your baby. Look at it like this, GOD will bless you for the good deeds that you do, no deed goes unnoticed. I hope this helps if you need anything feel free to message me.


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