20 Something Moms

Featured Posts
kmh4girls
14 yr old DD isn't telling me what's wrong and I'm worried... help please!! *UPDATE* *UPDATES 2 and 3*
April 18, 2013 at 6:16 PM

My 14 year old DD has been acting extremely strange lately. On Tuesday afternoon, she had a half day at school so she went to her friend's house afterwards just to hang out. Since then, she has not been herself AT ALL. I am extremely worried. She has spent all her time in her room and only comes out when she absolutely has to, like to go to school or to eat a meal, or obviously, go to the bathroom.

She won't talk to anyone in the family and she has looked very nervous when I actually do see her, like there's something really bothering her. I have tried to go talk to her many, many times, but she has refused my offer each and every time. A couple of her teachers called and said her performance has been at an extreme low the past two days and that she has looked anxious or worried, as well as slightly depressed.

I tried taking her to the doctor, but she is refusing to talk to anybody about what's bothering her. A few people have said maybe she got into a fight with her friend, but I HIGHLY doubt that's the case. Whenever DD has gotten into a fight with a friend in the past, she has never ever acted like this and always feels comfortable talking to me about it.

I am incredibly worried because I have no clue what's going on and no matter how hard I try, she is not talking to anyone about what's going on.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much ladies!

**UPDATE**

She has agreed to write me a letter telling me what's wrong (finally!) but I am relieved yet terrified since she said what happened was really bad. Thanks for all your help and positive vibes. I hope that it is not as bad as she is making it out to be. Will post another update soon.

**UPDATE 2**

Sorry ladies that I didn't update for a while, but as you can imagine, when you are going through such a time, Cafe mom is not exactly at the top of your "to-do list," especially when you have 6 other kids, and some that are quite young.

2 things you should know for easier read of the letter: 1. Lindsey is the friend whose house DD went over to that day. 2. Lindsey's brother is 15 years old.

Anyways, here is what she wrote me in the letter:

"Dear mom,

I am sorry I refused to tell you what happened for so long. I was just really shaken up and I didn't have the words to tell you because I was really scared you would hate me. But you told me that you would be here for me no matter what and always love and support me, so I'm going to tell you what happened.

When I was at Lindsey's house, she had to go downstairs and help get dinner ready. I asked her if she wanted me to come help, but she told me it's okay, I could just chill in her room. So I did. Then, her brother, Spencer, walked in and shut the door behind him, so I kind of was like what is going on here? Then, he came over and told me that I looked hot. I told him thanks but really you should back off now. Then, he kissed me and I tried to push him off, but he is a lot bigger and stronger than me, so I couldn't. He told me that he liked me and he told me to take my clothes off.

I told him no and pushed him back, but he pushed me onto Lindsey's bed and fell on top of me, breathing heavily. I tried to get him off again, but like I said before, he was a lot stronger and bigger. He said he wanted to have sex with me. When I said NO, he started putting his hand up my skirt. And one thing led to another and I couldn't think of what to do. I tried to shove him off, but it didn't work. So then I said, "I hear Lindsey coming!" And he leapt off down the hall. I ran as fast as I could downstairs to Lindsey. I didn't tell her about what he had done because I was so scared. I didn't know if it was a possibility if I could be pregnant. That was the scariest thing. I didn't know how I could tell you that I could be pregnant. I thought you would hate me. It was the most terrifying thing. I still don't know if I'm pregnant. I don't want you to be mad at me.

Love,

Bethany"

--Any suggestions of what to do at this point would be EXTREMELY helpful. I have looked into a few options, but nothing that I would want to do yet. I don't know how to help her or what I should do. Thanks for all the support, ladies.

*UPDATE 3*

We have been to the doctor, the cops, and met with the boy's family. The boy's family was extremely defensive, claiming their son would never do such a thing. But I told my DD about how serious the situation was and how imperative she tell the truth, and I wouldn't be mad if she had tweaked the story before. DD said the story was true, and of course I believed her. The cops are investigating the situation further and are waiting until we give them the results of the pregnancy test, which the doctor said we have to wait one more week to do. We have also gotten DD into counseling so she can talk to a counselor about all this trauma.

Replies

  • smartmommy1050
    April 18, 2013 at 6:19 PM
    I would go to your daughter and just tell her that you can see there is something really wrong and you need to know what it is. Tell her you are there for her no matter what and you want to help. Just keep trying. Good luck!
  • MzShorty787
    April 18, 2013 at 6:20 PM
    I always hate to suggest this but its the first thing that comes to mind but could it b possible someone may hv touched her inappropriately and told her not to tell. I don't wanna point fingers or accuse this is just my opinion. I hope I'm wrong and I hope things get better.
  • Mrs.Brugger
    April 18, 2013 at 6:22 PM

    If it's so bad that her teachers are even calling because her behavior has changed (I'm assuming she does great in school normally for them to call over poor performance for 2 days), then I would assume it's something big unfortunately. Is her friend a GOOD friend? like a good girl? Or could they have gotten into some trouble that DD doesn't want you to find out about?

  • kmh4girls
    April 18, 2013 at 6:23 PM

    That's where most of my fear is stemming from. I know that this friend has a 15 or 16 year old brother and my first thoughts were maybe he did some inappropriate behavior. I'm so worried, and I know it could be anything else, but my mind keeps going back to that possibility, which is very real and extremely scary. 

    Quoting MzShorty787:

    I always hate to suggest this but its the first thing that comes to mind but could it b possible someone may hv touched her inappropriately and told her not to tell. I don't wanna point fingers or accuse this is just my opinion. I hope I'm wrong and I hope things get better.
  • kmh4girls
    April 18, 2013 at 6:25 PM


    Quoting Mrs.Brugger:

    If it's so bad that her teachers are even calling because her behavior has changed (I'm assuming she does great in school normally for them to call over poor performance for 2 days), then I would assume it's something big unfortunately. Is her friend a GOOD friend? like a good girl? Or could they have gotten into some trouble that DD doesn't want you to find out about?

    Yes, she normally does do very well in school and it is very bothersome to hear that from her teachers... Her friend is a very good girl and I like my DD to hang out with her because she is a good influence. The one thing my mind keeps jumping to is the girl's 15 or 16 year old brother and I keep hoping it's not, but it's the only thing I can think of right now... I'm so scared.

  • MzShorty787
    April 18, 2013 at 6:27 PM
    I can only image what u r going thru but I will deff keep y'all in my prayers just keep trying to get thru to her for now its about all u can do is just b there for her


    Quoting kmh4girls:

    That's where most of my fear is stemming from. I know that this friend has a 15 or 16 year old brother and my first thoughts were maybe he did some inappropriate behavior. I'm so worried, and I know it could be anything else, but my mind keeps going back to that possibility, which is very real and extremely scary. 

    Quoting MzShorty787:

    I always hate to suggest this but its the first thing that comes to mind but could it b possible someone may hv touched her inappropriately and told her not to tell. I don't wanna point fingers or accuse this is just my opinion. I hope I'm wrong and I hope things get better.

  • Mrs.Brugger
    April 18, 2013 at 6:29 PM


    Quoting kmh4girls:


    Quoting Mrs.Brugger:

    If it's so bad that her teachers are even calling because her behavior has changed (I'm assuming she does great in school normally for them to call over poor performance for 2 days), then I would assume it's something big unfortunately. Is her friend a GOOD friend? like a good girl? Or could they have gotten into some trouble that DD doesn't want you to find out about?

    Yes, she normally does do very well in school and it is very bothersome to hear that from her teachers... Her friend is a very good girl and I like my DD to hang out with her because she is a good influence. The one thing my mind keeps jumping to is the girl's 15 or 16 year old brother and I keep hoping it's not, but it's the only thing I can think of right now... I'm so scared.

    Hearing she's got a brother, yeah that's the only thing I can think of now, too. I was thinking something along those lines reading the OP but I really hate jumping to THOSE kinds of conclusions :-\

  • kmh4girls
    April 18, 2013 at 6:31 PM


    Quoting Mrs.Brugger:


    Quoting kmh4girls:


    Quoting Mrs.Brugger:

    If it's so bad that her teachers are even calling because her behavior has changed (I'm assuming she does great in school normally for them to call over poor performance for 2 days), then I would assume it's something big unfortunately. Is her friend a GOOD friend? like a good girl? Or could they have gotten into some trouble that DD doesn't want you to find out about?

    Yes, she normally does do very well in school and it is very bothersome to hear that from her teachers... Her friend is a very good girl and I like my DD to hang out with her because she is a good influence. The one thing my mind keeps jumping to is the girl's 15 or 16 year old brother and I keep hoping it's not, but it's the only thing I can think of right now... I'm so scared.

    Hearing she's got a brother, yeah that's the only thing I can think of now, too. I was thinking something along those lines reading the OP but I really hate jumping to THOSE kinds of conclusions :-\

    I know that's what immediately popped into my head. I just don't know to what extent and if my thinking is even right. I hate to jump to those kind of conclusions as well, but I don't know what else could have happened. In previous rough times, she acted nowhere NEAR as strange as she is acting now. It's so worrisome. I keep going to the worst possibility.

  • erin708
    by erin708
    April 18, 2013 at 6:34 PM
    Could there be a possibility of drugs?
  • lauren26805
    April 18, 2013 at 6:35 PM
    Lost her verginity?

20 Something Moms

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN