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gabwest
Selfish Husband
by gabwest
January 13, 2013 at 1:04 AM

Hello!! 

My husband has been driving me crazy lately with his selfish crap. I totally understand that he works all day long and has meetings to go to and people to talk to, but when he comes home it's like our child and I are non existent. Our baby is 2months and 2 weeks old and we have not really had time for ourselves, which he consistently throws in my face, but that doesn't mean he should treat us like we are not even there...right? Am I over reacting? Should I just let him be?

I mean he comes home and watches tv, plays on his phone, the computer, the PlayStation(he's going to be 30)... an example of what he does: I get the baby to sleep finally and baby wakes up a little later, he has a freaking fit that I ask him to go check on baby Enzo! Another example: I will take a quick shower, Enzo will be crying but hhusband  won't stop playing his PlayStation game to comfort baby, unless Im yelling at him to do it! Annoying!

Am I being crazy?????

Replies

  • emilyelephant
    January 13, 2013 at 1:21 AM

    No you're not crazy.  I just had a talk with my boyfriend and told him that: yes, you do work all day, but you get to come home and know that you don't have to do your job until 6am tomorrow.  I don't get that luxury, I'm on call 24/7 and I really need you to help take care of her, without me needing to ask or feel guilty. I have many days where the only interaction I have is with her, and I need you around so I can have an adult conversation once in a while, or I'll go crazy.

    Pretty much that.  He's been a lot better since I talked with him, but I've also started online classes, so he HAS to help while I do that, or I'll fail and we'll have wasted the money.

    Also, he's a lot more interested in spending time with her now that she's smiling and laughing.  I think they just don't have much of a connection until they see that their babies actually do love them, and like to play with them.  My daughter looks at her dad like he's the coolest thing she's ever seen, and smiled at him way before she started smiling at me.

  • rwebb11
    by rwebb11
    January 13, 2013 at 9:02 AM
    You aren't crazy. He needs to grow up and be a dad. He helped make the baby so needs to take care of it. As far as not having time together, that is what having a newborn does. If you have family around that you trust, maybe surprise him with a babysitter for a couple of hours so y'all can have dinner or something.
  • 19andmomtobe
    January 13, 2013 at 9:29 AM

    my husband and i went through a similar situation at about the same age your son is. except my dh is pretty handson with our son. regardless our relationship was really struggling. i called an emergency date night. we took the baby to my parents and went out for like 7 hours. maybe he is just feeling forgotten because all of your attention is on the baby. as much as that seems so childish and selfish of them.. they are still human. my world revovles around my son who is now going on a year old. i had to start making time for myself and my relationship because for those first few months everything else took a back seat to my son. and to some level it always will. my kids will always come first.. and i think thats how it should be. however for everyones sanity take some time to yourself to spend with your husband. its okey for babies to be apart from mommy every now and then as much as i hate admitting that lol :) good luck

  • bamababe1975
    January 13, 2013 at 10:05 AM

     This exactly!

    Quoting rwebb11:

    You aren't crazy. He needs to grow up and be a dad. He helped make the baby so needs to take care of it. As far as not having time together, that is what having a newborn does. If you have family around that you trust, maybe surprise him with a babysitter for a couple of hours so y'all can have dinner or something.

     

  • MountieMama
    January 13, 2013 at 10:08 AM
    On his next day off, go out to do errands WITHOUT baby. Have bottles ready or leave immediately after a feed and stay out for as long as you can. Even after a few hours he will be tired and realize that your JOB is hard too.
  • MamaPeanut
    January 13, 2013 at 10:25 AM
    I agree

    Quoting rwebb11:

    You aren't crazy. He needs to grow up and be a dad. He helped make the baby so needs to take care of it. As far as not having time together, that is what having a newborn does. If you have family around that you trust, maybe surprise him with a babysitter for a couple of hours so y'all can have dinner or something.
  • iluvmy2somuch
    January 13, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    My husband did use to do this. He is getting better though. Son is 1 and half.

  • gabwest
    by gabwest
    January 13, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    Thank you ladies!! : ) I will take in all the advice!!! 

  • chanceordesire
    January 13, 2013 at 2:17 PM

    Nope. not crazy. Ive got one just like yours.. Your husband is stressed out and the last thing he wants is more "work" to do when he gets home But you need to remind him that you guys have a job together being parents and if he has all the time in the world to be on Ps3 then he can take care of the poor baby. He's propably not used to being a parent either. This is just a guess. If you two are new parents he propably doesn't know what to do or how to handle the child. Guide him slowly and do fun family activities together like a walk in the park. When you guys have a better schedule an baby is calm then you two can figure out some lovey dovey time stuff TOGETHER. (note: don't allow him to play that stupid console every single time he comes home. let him know that could be YA'LL time he's been complaining about and missing out on) good luck :)

  • erskine.im
    January 13, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    I'm glad I'm not alone...

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