20 Something Moms

bohemianmind
Tired Of Being On The Fence...
January 2, 2013 at 3:29 AM

Hi my name is Krystal and I am 24 years old living in Georgia...Starting with the title of this post I just found out I am pregnant so at this point I am only 4 weeks along...the problem is my fiance and I just got engaged on Nov.20th 2012 so becoming pregnant was on the "to-do list" but further down the road...we have been together for over two years now and are extremely excited to be finally on the track to making the commitment of marriage...we have alredy started planning our wedding, including saving for it, in pre-marital counseling to make sure we have an even stronger foundation, and have plans to move back to where Im originally from in Washington State...so now everything has kinda been put on hold...but as we are both pretty progressive people we have looked into the option of abortion...My mind has been in a constant battle of which road I want to take...We love each other deeply and do eventually want to have kids but the timing isnt ideal...there are so many more factors for each "side" of this fence but I thought I would keep it short...At this point I am looking for any advice/opinions to take into consideration...Unless, although I respect the right for each person to be able to voice their opinion and to have one, you judge on the whole abortion aspect...please have some repect when it comes to that and keep it to yourself...thank you ladies so very much for taking the time to read this and your offers of support!!! It is very much appreciated :)

Replies

  • frndlyfn
    January 2, 2013 at 3:33 AM

    You and he have to look deep within yourselves and find what is right for you.  Many argue from conception they are babies but at 4 weeks along there is no brain to speak of nor heart .  I think the zygote (proper term?) is smaller than a tad pole.  If you wanted to move, now would be the time to do it as well as maybe push up the wedding date and things.   I decided that i would keep any unplanned baby as long as no ones health was in risk.  That is just my line of thought.

  • GirlWSemiAuto
    January 2, 2013 at 12:10 PM

    Babies rarely come at the perfect time. That's actually the exception rather than the rule. No one can tell you how to handle this, but I suggest you really search your heart. I'm trying not to put my personal beliefs on you, but I don't know if I could begin a marriage with the spectre of a terminated pregnancy between us. I would rather have changed plans than that.

  • MistyMoo
    January 2, 2013 at 12:15 PM
    You'll never be ready for a baby. No matter how much you prepare. On the other hand, don't do something you'll regret later on. If you're not 100% sure about your decision, don't do it..
  • mnmo3bb
    by mnmo3bb
    January 2, 2013 at 12:20 PM
    Right. I will preface that I'm against abortion and it shouldn't be used as birth control. But my main concern in your scenario is I have heard mothers deeply regret their decision as they start to have more babies, it becomes more real to them and they wonder about the child that never was. I really think given all your plans, a baby would fit in just fine. We had our first two before we planned. It wasn't easy in the beginning because I still had to work until my husband was almost done with school but in the end things worked out. I can't imagine life without my oldest...

    Quoting GirlWSemiAuto:

    Babies rarely come at the perfect time. That's actually the exception rather than the rule. No one can tell you how to handle this, but I suggest you really search your heart. I'm trying not to put my personal beliefs on you, but I don't know if I could begin a marriage with the spectre of a terminated pregnancy between us. I would rather have changed plans than that.

  • bpryce
    by bpryce
    January 2, 2013 at 12:25 PM
    No one is ever 100% "ready" for a baby and there will always be a reason to wait to have kids. If you love your partner, are able to financial feed and cloth a baby, and having a child is important to both parents then i say thats a good enough time to have a baby. Ultimately the choice is yours, if you choose abortion be prepared for the emotional termoil that may cause with yourself and partner.
  • tiffani_qt2001
    January 2, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    My daughter was definitely an unplanned pregnancy but looking back I would never ever change a thing. She is a blessing and the reason I wake up every morning! If I had chosen the other side of the fence, I would be missing out on so much (even though we have definitely had our struggle)and not to mention the pain women have after abortion, always wondering what if. Good luck and take it as a sign that you and your future hubby are meant to be together! 

  • coupon_ash_back
    January 2, 2013 at 5:20 PM
    I was like that, I thought about abortion a lot,glad I didn't do it. I'm for abortions,but most moms on here may try to talk you out of it because of their prolife ways. I think that moms should be able to have a life too. So follow your heart,continue to look into the3 options and write out pros and cons. Remember with adoption you have many alternatives,such as closed or open,even semi open. If you keep your baby, you'll find a way to make it work.
  • jesuschild06
    January 2, 2013 at 5:31 PM
    like everyone else said. you will never be ready. And even when a couple tried to concieve... It ends up happening at a time they have to "put something on hold". Just because your pregnant doesnt mean you cant get married or move before or even within the first year of your babies life. I dont agree with abortion but i dont try to push that on others. I just recommend talking with a counselor that specializes in that first. It is a huge decision you will never be able to take back. You need to be more prepared for that than actually having a baby.
  • babyk2238
    January 4, 2013 at 4:26 AM

    I agree you will never be ready, But abortion shouldn't be the first thing you think of as an option. I mean if you really don't want the baby then i would think about putting it up for adoption. It is your life do what you want but just think about if you do have an abortion how will you feel afterwards. Another thing if you choose not to have an abortion that will give you alot more time to change your mind if you have an abortion there is no taking it back it will stick with you forever.


  • SourRoses
    January 4, 2013 at 4:53 AM
    A few years ago I decided I did not want any more children. Our only child was 5 at the time. I was a part time student, but was planning on going full time since my dd started kindergarten. Dh just found a new job at that time, and we were just starting over with finances after a year of unsteady work. It was during the probation time and dh couldn't get health insurance until his 3rd month.

    During that time I didn't know I was pregnant, but because I knew I didn't want anymore children I had an appt to get an iud. That's when I found out it was to late. I was already pregnant.

    I also have an anxiety disorder so this news was not happy but instead extremely stressful and sad in my head. I didn't want this baby. It was a time in my life that I didn't... couldn't have this baby. And with no health insurance... I was terrified.. I was at an extreme low.

    I told dh I wanted an abortion even though I didn't believe in them ( I'm my own personal life not others ). He said I was just scared and to give it time to sink in. I begged him..pleaded to get one. It hurt him that I would even think about getting one knowing how he feels and knowing how I thought I felt. Our relationship was not good because of my want for an abortion and his want to parent.
    I was depressed, scared and I felt alone. I didn't believe I could survive another pregnancy, and ppd.

    It took me weeks to finally except my situation. I realized that I was just scared, and with my anxiety it made everything seem worse then what it really was.

    I took a deep breath and new deep down I couldn't go through with an abortion. So I looked to my dh for support and we moved forward with the pregnancy. I got on chp + and talked to my obgyn about my ppd in the past. We had a plan.

    It's been 4 years and I now have a beautiful 3 years old boy along with my 9 years old dd

    I couldn't picture life without him. I had to put some things on hold and our life path took different turns we didn't expect to make, but I know I made the right choice.

    There is never going to be "the perfect " time to have a baby. They come when they want to. There is nothing in your life right now that won't adapt to your plans. It just needs to be planned slightly differently.

    I wanted to share my story so you know you are not alone. Maybe Mine will help you put things in perspective. Don't be afraid of what's not planned. :)

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