My husband and I have been married 18 years this month. We have a 7 and 10 year old. While My husband is a recovering alcoholic and prescription drug abuser (3 1/2 years now), the strain that his past issues have put on our relationship have been tough to overcome. We've been through 4 episodes of alcoholism and 2 of prescription drug abuse until I finally gave him an ultimatum. We spent the first 8 years of our marriage drinking and partying. In 1993, we had our first child....he went crazy and I took care of our daughter and eventually our son until my husband got sober 3 years ago. In the meantime, his company is a mess and he isn't doing anything to fix things so I'm the breadwinner now. I just feel like I've spent years taking care of him (and the kids) and I'm exhausted, frustrated, etc....he's not a bad guy and in the words of my neighbor "it's not like he beats you" but at the same time, we have a shell of a marriage. Haven't had sex in almost two years (he suffers from depression and is still on withdrawal drugs from his last prescription pill addiction) and have NO intimacy whatsoever. It's like having a roomate/brother around. He has finally learned to engage with our kids, which I appreciate, but I feel like there are so many fundamental issues in our marriage that I don't even know where to start. I've gone to counseling, but if I mention diveroce, he flips out and says that will NEVER happen. I feel like I deserve to be happy but am really worried about my kids. I know that divorce can be tough on them and they're too young to explain our circumstances. I'm not a supermodel, but I get attention from men when I go out with my friends on occassion. I feel like I'm trapped in the movie, "Bridges of Madison County"--knowing there's probably something better out there for me but not wanting to rock the boat or and be selfish at the same time. I can tell that he's really trying at home to make me happy, but I'm paralized when it comes to communicating with him lately....again, don't know where to start. Not sure if marriage counseling can fix this mess, esp. when we never had the most romantic relationship in the first place. There's so much more to this story, but that's the overall gyst of it.....what to do????
Time to go back to a counselor and sort out what YOU need to happen.
You are a person, and at the end of the day, you only have this ONE life to live.
You deserve to spend it however and with WHOEVER you wish to... No exceptions!
If you can find the inner strength to leave your marriage and find yourself again, you'll have the strength to take care of your children during this difficult time.... Like you've been doing already all along. :)
Take back your life, don't sacrifice it to him!