Natural Birth & Parenting

AtiFreeFalls
In need of some ideas for dicipline
December 5, 2012 at 8:06 PM
My son turned two in August. I remember going through a very similar stage with my daughter, who is 4, when she was this age and not being very open to suggestion (my family has very different ideas about raising kids). But I need some ideas this time around.

The problems we are having are totally normal, but I just don't know what I can do to stop them or work with them until he outgrows them. My son doesn't like to be asked to do anything. Even get his shoes to get ready to go to the park. He will sometimes get them, but he often throws them at me, his sister or the dog. He throws things so that I can't take them away from him, hides when I need to change his diaper (or brush his teeth, etc), and he REALLY likes to bully the cat and dog.

My daughter was like this too, at this age and outgrew it. But with my son... he takes it to another level and I can't seem to manage him OR myself. I've resorted to spanking in regards to how he treats the animals, which I don't like and isn't working anyway. Time outs do nothing, and he doesn't care if I take privileges or toys, since he is resourceful enough not to be too phased lol. He just finds something else to occupy his attention.

I thought playing more outside would help, but it hasn't, really. We go to a local park a lot and he plays in the yard a lot and it hasn't made a noticible difference.

I am VERY open to suggestions. I don't want to spank or yell all the time. He HAS to stop bullying the animals. The rest can be a combination of reducing undesirable behavior and managing outbursts more efficiently on my part.

Replies

  • jconney80
    December 5, 2012 at 9:42 PM
    I also haven't found timeout very effective. My son did the same thing at that age. We had to get rid of our cat because of it =(

    I use my Boba carrier as a choice. My son calms down in it. I don't view it as a time out but a time to calm down and take the focus on what is going on. I give him very easy choices.... You can stop throwing your toys or get in the carrier. It works a lot of times and if he isn't listening then he needs a way to calm down so obviously he needs it. And he will be 3 in February. He's never viewed the Boba negatively because of it.

    Here are some things that can help: before you are getting ready to do things give a warning "OK in a few minutes we are getting ready to go." Then in a few minutes give a one minute warning. Singing songs and using pictures of what you are going to do can really help. I make up all kinds of crazy songs to distract my kids from what is going on that they don't like!

    Another thing that really helps is take the focus off of the task they don't want to do and put something after it that they like. It's not possible to do it all day (unless you're just really good lol) but use normal stuff to your advantage to make it seem like a reward lol. I use lots of "if and then" statements. This stuff works great with this age group because they aren't capable of thinking too far into the future so giving immediate gratification really helps. "If you put your socks and shoes on we can go to the park", "if you pick up your toys then you can have your snack", "if you get in your car seat you can pick a song to listen to", "if you take a bath then you can pick out a show to watch." I use everything I can to my advantage. Then if it doesn't work and he's refusing to do something you can give immediate consequences such as "if you don't stop hitting the dog I'm going to take away your toy", "if you don't clean up your mess you're not getting your snack", "if you don't clean up your mess you're going in the carrier." If he's playing with a toy at that moment say you will take it away until he's ready to listen. Have him apologize to the dog. Watch videos on Youtube of what being nice to an animal looks like. I'm a big fan of social stories for any kid. Google "being nice to animals social story". You can read it with him and he can visualize what being nice looks like. He might not truly understand what he's doing he just knows it's getting a reaction out of you. I use these things all the time with my kids.. It really helps. If my son wants to watch TV but he won't clean up then no TV until it's done. Giving them very specific, easy choices can really help.
  • skylarkdancer
    December 5, 2012 at 9:47 PM
    Look into the love and logic book. There is a site as well.
  • amazzonia
    December 5, 2012 at 9:52 PM

    I'm not pro or against spanking, every situation has to be handled in a different way, so if he hurts the animals, I don't see anythingn wrong with a spank. For the diaper, if he runs away, just leave him in a dirty diaper, don't worry he will come to you after a while, no one likes to be in a dirty diaper, he probably just finds the chasing part funny... For the shoes tell him that if he doesn't put the shoes on he can't go out, and if he doesn't put him on you will go to the park with out him, than pretend to leave, my dd always puts them on when I tell her that lol... No matter what you do, the only important thing is that after you dicipline, hug him and tell him that you love him 

  • Brandy85412
    December 5, 2012 at 11:37 PM

    my suggestion would be to have him pretty much glued to you. He goes where you go. If he can't be nice he stays by you. If he doesn't get his shoes to go to the park then you don't go. He gets time out and has to play quietly with something you pick. Tell him he get to make choices and if he isn't making good ones then that's his choice to get disaplined. Reinforce that he has choices. He can make a right one or wrong one and their are consequence's.

  • sreichelt26
    December 6, 2012 at 2:18 AM
    Ahaparenting.com

    Hands down best parenting advice source I have. I follow her blog too.
  • annelauer
    December 6, 2012 at 4:37 AM

    I agree with Parenting with Love and Logic.  Amazing!  We didn't have animal issues with our oldest.  Our youngest two though, had to be shown over and over what a "gentle touch" feels like.  We practiced every time they were using a not-so gentle touch.  Not the fastest method, but effective in the long run.  We haven't ever spanked.  (To be honest, I can hardly stand to be around kids who are because it seems they don't have an internal conscience telling them what is right and wrong and they wind up unbearable without their parents around to threaten them.)  Explaining things and natural, real-world consequences have been fantastic for us.  Our daughter (now 6) at one point spent nearly a week home at three-years-old because she didn't take care of her responsibilities.  I didn't want to stay home inside for a week in the nice weather.  Completely worth it though!  She is now the champion of responsibility and good behavior.  And it is all HER CHOICE.  If she didn't want to wear shoes or a coat, okay.  But when her feet hurt and/or she is cold, she learns the real-world consequence of not doing so.  I am not the bad guy.  And she feels in control and like one smart cookie for figuring out on her own that she prefers to wear shoes.  Now these do not come up.  She figured out on her own what she needs to do to be most comfortable.  She goes to bed when she is tired.  She eats healthy foods when they are offered.  She dresses appropriately for the weather.  My life is MUCH easier because when she was younger I allowed her to make her own mistakes/decisions.  

    If what the kids are doing has the potential to hurt someone else, that is not okay and I will tell them how and why to behave differently.  If it is a potential learning opportunity, I let them mess up.  Better now than later!!

  • LuvAZmomma
    December 6, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    read dr. sears book Discipline it is really helpful especially if you pratice attached parenting :)

  • Sarah725
    December 6, 2012 at 6:54 PM
    Quoting sreichelt26:

    Ahaparenting.com

    Hands down best parenting advice source I have. I follow her blog too.

    really, I will have to check that out.

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