Natural Birth & Parenting

MamaPrime
I feel like I have done natural (AP) parenting all wrong.
November 20, 2012 at 2:09 AM

I have a beautiful 18 month old son. 


I knew nothing of babies when I had him. I knew I wanted to keep things as natural as I could. Unfortunately that led to me being the only one up with him at night- even thinking he was awake at every whimper- so I would pick him up and breastfeed him. Breastfeeding became out go-to. I became the cuddler, the nurturer and left my DF behind. I refused CIO much to his dismay and everyone telling us that "That's how you do it". But now he is 18 months old, wants nothing to do with his dad and is becoming more and more irrate with me when I refuse to nurse him. He is 18 months old and still nurses some 20 times a day and all night. No, that is not an exaggeration. 

He does fine at daycare, they can even get him to nap without a bottle! 

I feel like while I had the best intentions I feel like I perpetuated this in the worst way. 

Replies

  • Mrs.Salz
    November 20, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    My son did the same thing when he was 18 months. He's 21 months now and suddenly likes dad a lot more and is nursing much less frequently.

    Maybe night weaning is an option. It helped us a lot to have dad spend some time with him everyday (not forcing it, that made him more clingy to me) doing their own thing - working in the garage, looking at tools, "helping" with something outside, etc.

  • jellyphish
    November 20, 2012 at 12:55 PM
    When Isis was this age she started preferring daddy, even though she was breastfed. She needed HIM to put her to sleep. I have a daddy's girl . Sounds like you have a mamas boy, which is fairly common and nothing to worry about by itself, and likely has nothing to do with breastfeeding.

    Sounds like you're feeling quite touched out, which is TOTALLY warranted. I'm glad you get me time, keep up with that as you need to.
    And could he be overtired when you try putting him down? Maybe try putting him down earlier and/or laying down with him, reading a story, whatever he needs.

    Also, from having a daddy's girl, I can tell you your husband might be feeling a bit rejected by your son, and that can sting. So try having some patience and empathy for him too, it's VERY frustrating and heart breaking when your own child throws a fit just because you're there.
  • snowangel1979
    November 20, 2012 at 1:27 PM
    It's kinda normal my boys really did not want anything to do with dad untill he was 2. My DD was a daddy's girl from the beginning as soon as she see him, I don't matter anymore. LOL.

    At 18months It's a fine line between CIO or the child is throwing a fit because he doesn't want to miss the fun but he's over tired and needs to just be left alone for a minute.

    Don't worry too much about the labels AP, BSLP Ect. Just do what's best for your child. If something is not working try something else. I've had 4 children and they have all been patented different because they're all different.
  • kitchen.sink
    November 20, 2012 at 1:54 PM

    Your little guy sounds just like mine. He's my third, so I know that this is just a phase he's going through... as they say, "this, too, shall pass!" I know the sleepless nights and constant nursing can be exhausting. When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope I go out and get a cup of coffee with a girlfriend or hit up Target by myself... anything to just get some alone time without anyone pulling at my shirt or whining at my feet! Haha!! Trust me, even though it doesn't feel like it now, there will come a time when you miss this age and his constant need to be close to you!! Hang in there, mama. It sounds like you're doing a great job! :)

  • catholicmamamia
    November 20, 2012 at 5:20 PM

    You have done nothing wrong.. children just have different needs, personalities, etc. My children naturally gravitated to the parent they needed at the moment, and are well bonded to both dad and mom. Natural Parenting is just that, parenting naturally. Go with the flow, and encourage your husband to find ways to bond with your toddler that they both enjoy! 

  • Baby4us09
    November 20, 2012 at 9:03 PM

    My 15 month old is like that. One day tho she just wanted daddy she thru herself at him and he got her. It was a bittersweet moment. Every now and then she wants daddy.

    Don't worry he will get there too. My DH has even worn her so I could get a break. As long as she is beignworn when she wants me things are fine.

  • Precious333
    November 20, 2012 at 9:16 PM
    I agree....sounds like normal behavoir.

    With our first child my DH as not onboard with many things as well. It ws very frustating because I wanted my son and him to have a close relationship. We went to parenting class togeher andstarted really talking through things and found we were on the same page with some things. Some things we both had to learn too and other things we had to accept as eachothers shortcomings. For instance my husband cannot handle a crying baby. Some dads are good at comforting babies...my DH has to actually leave the room....so when the babys are small I dont leave them with him. I now have thre kids....6,4 and 2. My 6 yr old adores his daddy! They have found their own way to bond with eachother.....but it took time and patience.....and a lot of grace for my DH! My 4 yr old loves his daddy too.....but he still really needs me....and my 2 yr old loves daddy....but still is a baby :)

    Also....my DH has a lot of things he is trying to work through....as do we all!!! One thing that was a great way to build relationships for us was when they got older if someone was hurt....hurt feelings etc....I had daddy comfort and fix the problem. There havebeen moments where DH has lost patience and yelled etc. and my oldest who is extremely senstive would cry and need comfort. I would be sure to encourage daddy to fix the problem.....and I think that has helped build relationship too.
  • tansyflower
    November 20, 2012 at 11:17 PM

    my first child is totally a dad's boy and when dad comes home i am chopped liver.  my second son is a total mama's boy...and they were both bottle fed donor milk. 

    i dont think its about breastfeeding as much as it is a child's individual personality.  my niece is SUPER high needs (i watch her 50 hours a week) and while she is alone with me she is fine, but the moment mom shows up the goes CRAAAAAAZY and gets totally hysterical for like 10 minutes.  idk kids can be weird :)

  • VintageWife
    November 20, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    Sounds normal. You can't compare him to any other kids you know or the image you thought he'd be. He is himself and if he needs that time with you, give it to him because he'll soon be past that phase.

  • VintageWife
    November 20, 2012 at 11:19 PM

    Bump

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