My sister and her man have been together almost 10 years now, they had a kid the exact same age as mine and my hubby's child. We do a lot of things together, her family and my family, we just went on a two week vacation 3 months ago.
She decided to leave her DH and told me 2 weeks ago, last weekend our family was meeting her at the movies, with her kid, she brought her new boyfriend! Without even telling us in advance that he was coming, keep in mind she still lives with her hubby! My sister is just turning 40, this new man in her life is 30. Our kids wanted to sit by me, so they did and he threw popcorn at the kids during the whole movie! Even hitting me a few times, arg he is so immature! I really liked my brother in law, so this is going to be hard enough as it is, but bringing her new man to the family events, its just awkward for us, and confusing to my 6 year old.
Well she keeps telling me that she is not leaving her hubby for this guy, but really? Why would I believe that? She brought him to the movies where they were all over each other and he threw popcorn on our kids. I mean what am I suppose to think??
My hubby and I just feel awkward in this whole thing, I would never tell my sister who she has to be with, but I just think this whole thing is wrong, but still trying not to judge her for what she is doing.
Now I am just worried she is going to bring him to our Easter Family Dinner, where even more young kids will be confused on who he is and where is their cousins daddy
ok my sister got her own place, moved a couple days ago, Easter is at our other sisters house, she told my other sister that she can bring her new boyfriend, now i am not spending Easter with my family, just too awkward, it's not like she has been single for even a whole week,
She came and he didn't. Come to find out they live together now, they got a place together less then a week ago. She has been married for almost 9 years, she doesn't understand why we are not accepting her "new relationship" - well I think the fact that her and her hubby just went on a very nice 2 week vacation at the end of March might have somethiing to do with the fmaily not liking the whole "new relationship!" She came back with only good things to say about it. But my older daughter told me that she has been having an affair with this guy for about 8 months. Now I am just not happy with her, she has kids, they have kids! one not even in school yet, so young, she just turned her kids life upside down and tore their family apart
I want to thank everyone for the post, good to know I am not crazy for feeling the way that I do
Have you talked to her about the new bf and whether they are serious enough to include him in a family holiday? Maybe you could breach the subject of talking to her about how they met, when, what she sees in him (not, "What do you see in this guy?" but more like you'd ask a girlfriend about a new man in her life). Maybe this is someone who fills some needs that were lacking in her marriage - attention, affection (all speculation as examples - I don't know anything about the marriage) and someone she's seeing so that she can feel whole again. I have a very close girlfriend who separated from her husband recently, and she saw a younger man for awhile, but she was looking for someone she could feel playful with after a very stressful and serious last few years of marriage (financial strain, husband who wasn't working and was "trying to decide what to so with his life" while she paid all the bills, managed the home front and raised their child). She never brought him around her parents, and they parted ways amicably after a short while.
I would definitely have that conversation first - or you may put her on the defensive. And gradually ease into discussing some boundaries if you don't feel that it's appropriate for him to come to outings with your children or family functions (at your home), and explain that you'll have to answer some difficult questions for your child, and that her husband was family for a long time and that you'd feel most comfortable if she honored your request to ease this new person into your children's lives once she makes the decision that it will be a long term, serious relationship.
simple, I'd tell her since your trying to raise your children with morals and its confusing to them, that until she's divorced that the new boyfriend isnt welcome.
I'd also inform her that you are not going to lie for her either, and that you have no problem telling your brother in law that your sister is a cheating, lieing, slut
(Sorry i have no patience for cheaters)
If it were me I'd stay out of it and let her work the situation out herself. I know my sister, if she wanted to bring the new guy somewhere and I asked her not to the only thing accomplished would be her getting offended. It wouldn't matter how I brought it up, the end result would be me having to choose either to back down and allow him too or neither of them would be coming.
by Anonymous 2April 19, 2014 at 6:30 PM
I think I'd just have a discussion with her and let her know that if she is leaving her husband that's fine but that it's not appropriate for her to be bringing her boyfriend around the family (especially the kids) until the divorce is finalized. Maybe she'll get upset (she'll probably get upset) but your responsibility to your kids is more important than your sister's need to have a guy on the side. But really, she never should have just showed up with him without a warning, and the fact that she didn't tell you he was coming indicates that she already knew that given a chance to voice your opinion you'd have told her not to bring him. She knows she's not supposed to be messing around with him, so you put it into words and draw the boundary for her since she decided to jump over it.
by Anonymous 3April 19, 2014 at 6:34 PM
I wouldn't have let him keep tossing popcorn. That will get you kicked out here. I would have went and complained after telling him to stop if he kept going.