Through therapy I understand I needed to leave behind toxic relationships that included my ex and mother, leave the self blame behind and appreciate today.
The family gently nudges me to reconnect with my mother but I don't miss what I never had and my instinct says I will be taking a large step back in my life.
For anyone who has left behind negativity, whether it is a family member or friends, do you ever reconnect? I don't have anger, I'm not bashing or arguing with her, but I worry greatly of how that mean spirit around me will change me and I never want to hurt others, especially my kids.
by anotherhalfApril 1, 2013 at 10:39 PM
I cut my father out of my life and never regretted it - its been over 15 years. I'm no longer angry. I can see the good in him, but the bad far outweighs it. For me, leaving him behind was like a cleansing. It's like a huge weight lifted, the dark clouds parted, any of those types of metaphors fit. :)
April 1, 2013 at 11:00 PM
wow as i read this my very own mother is posting about me on fb and how "terrible" i am. i have cut ties with her and my family before, they try to repair the relationship but then just end up screwing up again and i have to get bitchy with them and tell them to go on. i feel you! and my life is so much happier without any of them around.
I have been through alot in my life when it comes to this topic.
I finally came to an emotionally melt down with my step dad.We didnt speak for several months but now I feel we have finally made ammends.
The other issue now is with my inlaws.This relationship is very toxic.I hope that one day we could have a better relationship....but for now it is at least polite and cordial.
You really have to weigh out the pros and cons in the situation.If your mom is emotionally abusive and toxic to you and your kids it is not worth full connection.
Why not send cards on birthday and holidays,keep phone calls brief,make any visits quick....and leave if the conversation turns toxic.
This way you connect but keep up respectful boundaries.
by Anonymous 2April 2, 2013 at 2:15 PMShe sounds like my parents. After my xh have me 2 black eyes and a broken nose they didn't push for me to leave him or offer help or anything. They wanted me to get out of my own mess. All I Needed was someone to help turn me in the right direction.
I'm of the opinion that toxic people need to be cut out, and it doesn't matter who they are to you. Almost the entire side of the family that is my dad's side has been cut out because they are toxic dirtbags, always causing drama amongst themselves and even trying to stir things up with my dad, who hasn't spoken to them except in passing in over 30 years. Sometimes you can try reconciliation but that takes the effort of two people. If the other party isn't changing behavior or attitude there's no point.