CafeMom Team
Is It OK to Secretly Snoop on Our Kids? (Part 2)
January 22 at 8:51 AM

We're always scared about what our kids might be sharing on social media and whether they're making healthy choices when we're not around. In this episode, Parenting Expert and Life Coach Harriet Cole shows us how social media can be a useful tool for parents, even when our kids de-friend us!




Replies

  • dusky_rose
    January 22 at 9:58 AM

    I will have to come back to this post later. Everyone is asleep and I can't watch the video.

  • RobynS
    by RobynS
    January 22 at 10:29 AM

    My kids aren't old enough to require snooping, but I have a great-niece who is headed for trouble (both of her parents are, well... don't get me started). She visited me over xmas and forgot to log out of her Twitter account and you can BET I am snooping on her! (I can still access my account from a different browser, so it works!! :))

    The hard part is how to feed the necessary info to someone who can help (she lives in a different city) without giving away how I'm getting the info.

    I'm so scared for her!!

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    January 22 at 11:12 AM

     My daughter is 21 now.  She is my only child and both my husband and I were well into our 30's when I had her.  Maybe that is why I was so native and trusted her so completely to follow the rules.  The first month she started high school she "fell in love."  She wasn't allowed to date till she was 16.  She had a small group of 4 close girlfriends and they were all allowed to.  I loosened my rules a bit.  To make a long story short.  My daughters personality changed some and she wasn't forthcoming any longer. When her best friends stayed over one night I heard her asking my daughter if they could get the screen off her bedroom window and sneak out as there was a party with lots of alcohol that night.  They were 14!! 

    We only had one shared computer and  I saw a article in Good Housekeeping about a download called PC Tattletale for $50.  It was the single best $50 I ever spent and I would do it again in a minute.  I found out my daughters friends were all involved in lots of drinking and random sex with boys at school.  Since I checked out every sleep over my daughter said she was going to, she as yet had not gotten involved in these activities, but I found out they were coming up with all sorts of plans/ways for her to lie and get away with it.  I would never in a million yrs thought my daughter would go along with these things and or even want to.  But, she was always a follower and wanted to be with the "popular" group.  I firmly believe without this snooping device I would have be stupid enough to fall for some of these things and she would have been involved with all sorts of things.  I also found by this download her bf was pressuring her big time for sex and I could tell by her replies she was feeling the pressure and beginning to cave.

    By knowing ahead of time what was really being planned when my daughter or her friends were saying they were going somewhere I could tell my daugther she either couldn't go or that she had to be home at a certain time.  I totally stopped her from going to this one friends house since I found out by reading these messages the parents said they stayed home, but they did not and there was NO supervision.  I also found out when she was 16 and finally allowed to date (the same guy by the way) his parents allowed them to spend lots of time in his basement bedroom unsupervised.  I was able to plan some discussions with her about different peer pressures that I would not have known she was dealing with.

      I am totally for snooping and monitoring our teens in any way a parent can.  Eighteen comes soon enough and they can move out and have all the privacy they want!

  • ablackdolphin
    January 22 at 11:14 AM
    My kids are too young but we alteady monitor what they can see onlune or on tv
  • ablackdolphin
    January 22 at 11:15 AM
    online
  • la_bella_vita
    January 22 at 11:47 AM

     I prefer to not do things secretly. I look with them present.

  • psych_mom
    January 22 at 12:28 PM

    We have the passwords to their computers and things like that. If I want to get on my son's phone he would unlock it (there is a way you have to swipe the keys) and hand it to me.

  • Miranda1127
    January 22 at 12:35 PM

     I agree w/ being open about 'I'm the parent, I make the final decisions'

  • elasmimi
    January 22 at 1:28 PM

    They are never to young to need supervision online. Even looking for perfectly innocent things can wind up being dangerous sites.

  • dusky_rose
    January 22 at 2:00 PM

    I have my teenage niece as a friend on facebook and 2 of my grown children added me when they got accounts. So I try not to embarrass them, but I am keeping an eye on them. My older children grew up with their dad so I don't have any passwords and I'm wondering at what age kids to let kids have password accounts. My youngest is 6 years old and he doesn't do any of that yet.