HeatherNYC
Are you in a relationship rut?
February 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM

Quiz time: after you get the kids to bed, what do you and your husband do? Do a little pick-up and then crash on the couch? Is it basically the same thing five nights a week at least? Yeah, that's a relationship rut and I have been in one, many of my mommy friends say the same thing. Maybe there is a date night thrown in here or there, but you talk about the same things day in and day out.

You didn't have a rut when you were dating, but things have changed, marriages evolve, so we can't expect it to be just like when we first got together, but that doesn't mean you have to be in a blocked pattern of behavior. All of the relationship gurus say mini changes can really make your relationship fresh and lively again.

-- Do one little thing a day to give a smile to your spouse. Whether you text him a funny joke or shoot him an email to a hilariously insane cat video, just break up each other's day with a grin.

-- Remember why you fell in love. Think about how he attracted you with his wit or his mad basketball skills or his quirky way he would bring you flowers.

-- Do something different. Play Checkers or Scrabble once a week. Go to a concert. Read the same book and talk about it. Something small and simple can liven up anything.

-- Ask something different. Instead of the usual talk about the kids or work, ask something new. Can be anything from thoughts on world events or what he thinks about aliens -- just inject some new conversation topics into your daily communication and see what you find out about each other.

Do you ever feel in a relationship rut with your spouse? How to you shake things up?

ŠiStockphoto.com/ sguler


Replies

  • elasmimi
    February 7, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    I like to call it comfortable, after 40 years.

  • sukainah
    February 7, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    Great ideas!  I'm so tired I go to bed at the same time as the kids, so Yes, we're in a rut as we never see each other alone.

  • natesmom1228
    February 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM

    I don't think we are in a rut. We have a carpet picnic on Friday nights to re connect after the crazy week. I live for Friday nights some weeks.

  • sukainah
    February 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM

    That's a good way to put it. :-)

    Quoting elasmimi:

    I like to call it comfortable, after 40 years.


  • gmadiane
    February 7, 2013 at 9:36 AM

    I agree with this, we are comfortable and that can be very nice

    Quoting elasmimi:

    I like to call it comfortable, after 40 years.


  • Leelee1008
    February 7, 2013 at 10:03 AM

    Right now I would like to Shake the Crap out of him!

  • 4kidz916
    February 7, 2013 at 10:13 AM

     Thanks for the ideas.

  • GwenMB
    by GwenMB
    February 7, 2013 at 10:35 AM

    I don't think we are in a rut despite us talking about the same things most days.  We talk about what interests us.  We have enough common interests that it isn't hard to find things to discuss.

    We do try to sit down & watch movies together.  We've gotten into Downton Abbey, so looking forward to the next episode & discussing the previous one does add a little something.

  • MamaBear2cubs
    February 7, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    Yes.All the time. It stinks.

  • timon95
    by timon95
    February 7, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    exactly - but it's only been 13yrs for us

    Quoting elasmimi:

    I like to call it comfortable, after 40 years.


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