Mad Life

What would you do need some advice somewhere to turn to..
January 16, 2013 at 5:49 PM

I don't even know where to begin some days.

We get up at 4:30 AM to leave for work by 5:30 PM.

We both have to be to work at 6 but I get off at 1:30. (We live 15 miles from town so driving home at the cost of gas and I already put a ton of miles on my car weekly is out.)

Anyway our daughter gets out of school at 3:15 which isn't a problem well sort of it's cold out and I really would like to just come home but that can't happen as stated above.

Where in lies the problem of 3 days a week my dad does dialysis. He gets out anywhere from 2- now I hear starting Monday it will be after 4 and probably closer to 4:30.

Now, I don't know how I became care giver for our dad. I have a brother that lives at home getting married in April he's 37, he works also, he's the baby I am the oldest. We have another brother that lives too far away and a sister that has MS so no help with those 2 at all.

So how do I just stop going to get my dad and make sure he is ok and get him home. To get him home I have to go to the end of town I live on yet I still live 8 miles from there and follow my dad home which is on the other side of town another 8 miles the other direction.

I am tired and I just want to know if it's bad of me not to want to do this 3 days a week. Why or how did I become solely responsible for my dad's medical yet my brother gets his name on everything my dad owns. He can write checks on my dad's account his name is on the house, & the cars, insurance etc yet I feel like I am doing all the work for my dad and I clean for my dad also when I take him home.My dad is also getting a settlement from breaking his knee and he's putting that into my brothers name only. That made me really mad.

I also need to say he is by his self all the time unless he is at dialysis where he is around people.I am sure just sitting and watching TV day after day gets pretty boring. He is crazy about my 11 yr old and he wants to see her.

How do I get out of doing this 3 days a week. I don't want to come home at 5 at night if I wanted to do that I would have a 8-5 job.

Help I need answers.


  • GwenMB
    by GwenMB
    January 16, 2013 at 5:56 PM

    "Sorry, Dad, I have too much on my plate right now to help you 3 days a week.  You'll need to find someone else who can."

  • Juniper53098
    January 16, 2013 at 6:01 PM

    I would say, "Dad, I'm sorry, but I can only do it on 'Monday' night.  You'll have to find someone else on the other nights."

  • Moms_Angels1960
    January 16, 2013 at 6:02 PM

    Quoting Juniper53098:

    I would say, "Dad, I'm sorry, but I can only do it on 'Monday' night.  You'll have to find someone else on the other nights."

    There is no one else. My brother works til 5 and we are it. He has lots of problems after dialysis 1 being blood pressure dropping etc.

  • Wish2Be
    by Wish2Be
    January 16, 2013 at 8:17 PM

    Isnt there a free community bus for seniors that help them get to doctors appointments and such?

  • sunnie4u
    January 16, 2013 at 8:21 PM
    Five years ago I did the same for my dad that you are doing only difference is he did home dialysis every night. I have two children and a grandson that I also took care of ( 11yrs 6 years and 18 months). Maybe try to get help from another relative if your brother will not help you ( maybe one night a week or every other week). I feel for you been there did it for two years ( until my dad passed away) without help from my two brothers I'm the only girl in my family. I understand completely.
  • wandep
    by wandep
    January 16, 2013 at 9:08 PM

    Can you hire a caregiver to come by and take him to dialysis? That would help you out a lot. The money you are using for gas could pay them.

  • abra
    by abra
    January 16, 2013 at 9:26 PM

    Quoting wandep:

    Can you hire a caregiver to come by and take him to dialysis? That would help you out a lot. The money you are using for gas could pay them.

  • Molly2u
    by Molly2u
    January 16, 2013 at 11:33 PM

    Your dad would do what you are doing for him. What you are doing is also teaching your child about caring when you becomes your Dad's age. I think you should speak to your father about him leaving every thing to your brother is hurting your feelings. If you can't speak to him give him a letting him know how much you love.Maybe the county health care can help. Please speak to the hospital there are groups and volunteers that can help you. I use to go to a nursing home once a week to help out. My daughter has helped with the elderly. 

    Good luck. 

  • hugss
    by hugss
    January 17, 2013 at 12:13 AM

    Compromise with someone or else just tell your DAd that you can'ty do it all those days,
    Good luck & let us know what happens :)

  • Heather2001
    January 17, 2013 at 12:55 AM

    I know it's a burden, but I personally feel a responsibility toward my parents to take care of them in situations like this.  HOWEVER, it's completely wrong that your brother gets all the benefits while you do all the work.  It's money out of your pocket, time out of your day, your dad should want to make sure you are at least treated fairly since you are doing it all for him.  Does he know you feel the way you do?

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