Girls Unstoppable

August 21, 2012 at 9:33 AM

 I just saw this in the group Parenting Positive Kids and wanted to share it here.

Carmen S

Posted by

on Aug. 1, 2012 at 12:00 AM Cafemom Blogger

Oh, talking. What a tangled web that can be.

I don't mean talking with your friends. For the most part, that's easy. Talking with coworkers, that can be a bit challenging - but nothing like getting your kids to open up to you. For some reason, children begin to view their parents as the enemy shortly after beginning their schooling, and the opportunities that you have to enjoy open and honest conversations about the things that may be on their minds simply vanish. Especially as the kids get older, they confide in their parents less and less.

What's a parent to do?

Many parents give up on the extended communication, vowing to let their child come to them when the time is right. I'm not such a big proponent of that. I think that we need to meet our children more than half way - in fact, I venture to say that we need to expend about 90% of the effort in the relationship. Asking your child to sit down and chat with you, though - can you feel me shaking my head "no" right about now? When those big questions come, most kids clam up and shut down. The face to face approach almost always results in a big, dead silence and avoided eye contact. Instead, here are some of my best methods to getting my kids to open up.

  • Go for coffee or breakfast - or lunch - Often what can't be said over the table at home, or as your daughter is jumping out of the car on the way to school, can easily be discussed over a cup of fancy coffee. I know that my own children feel like big shots when I take them out to breakfast or lunch one on one. It can be a great ice breaker to sit at the table in a coffee shop with a blended drink and a muffin.
  • Cook together - when you are cooking, you are focused on something else, and it takes away the "Deer in a headlights" look that many kids seem to get when you open a conversation. Ask your teen to help you make cookies, and often, the conversation can just take on a life of its own. 
  • Talk in the car - again, it's the best way to have a conversation that can be a little intense. If your focus is on the road, it's not on your child's face, and that can allow your child to open up and ask those difficult questions.
  • Text - This is trite, but it's really true. Often we can say things via text message that we might not have the courage to say with our voice. Tell your child that he can always send you a text if he can't find the words, and you'll be surprised at how opften your notifications will buzz.

 How do you make sure the lines of communication stay open between you and your kids?


  • Kiwismommy19
    August 21, 2012 at 10:37 PM
    All good ideas. Ki's shared more about her feelings about what she calls the "divorcement" (mine and her dad's divorce) over text than talking since she got her phone.
    Also, night time chats when she's in bed and it's dark seem to be easier on her.
  • JoJoBean8
    August 22, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Good ideas for when my dd is older

  • Bob192
    by Bob192
    August 22, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    This is a good post.  Most of us don't really know how to talk to our kids.  It's hard!

  • 4kidz916
    August 22, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    Great ideas.  I make myself available to my kids anytime they need me.  Sometimes I'll ask them to take a walk with me and we have talks about everything and anything. 

  • Rushn311
    August 22, 2012 at 5:11 PM

    We talk often...she confides in me and I let her know that she can talk to me everytime. We talk in the car a lot too. She loves hearing my stories.

  • kellynh
    by kellynh
    August 22, 2012 at 8:02 PM
    Excellent post!!!
  • SweetLuci
    August 22, 2012 at 8:14 PM

     We've started having a quiet time when we're in the car, no radio of ear plugs, it leads to more talking.

    Quoting Rushn311:

    We talk often...she confides in me and I let her know that she can talk to me everytime. We talk in the car a lot too. She loves hearing my stories.


  • dusky_rose
    August 22, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    I'm doing the texting thing and the facebook thing with 2 of my older children.

  • SweetLuci
    August 22, 2012 at 8:41 PM

     As they get older, we have to change to keep the lines of communication open. I keep in touch with me nieces and nephew across the country with Facebook.

    Quoting dusky_rose:

    I'm doing the texting thing and the facebook thing with 2 of my older children.


  • mamivon2
    August 23, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    we talk all the time.. but we have our bonding talking time when I tuck her in at night

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