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Anonymous
He told me he resents me
by Anonymous
May 16 at 10:50 AM
Backstory: My dh and I have been married 5 years. We have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old.

Last year, I found out he had been having an affair with a woman he met at a bar. She works there. He and his buddy would stop there after work once or twice a week and have a beer or 2 at first and they started talking and hit it off and he started sneaking around to be with her.

When I found out, I told him he had to end it with her and we would work through it because we owed to to the kids to give them an intact family. He didn't argue with me. We started going to counseling. He stopped taking off at night. I thought things were getting better.

Well, last night he was in a weird mood and I asked him what his problem is and he just unloaded on me. He is in love with her, he has been since he met her. When he confessed to the affair last year he was hoping Id just leave so he could be with her but the way I handled it made him feel too guilty so he just went along with it. He said he tried to get over her, he didnt see her for several months, he tried to love me but he just can't. And now he resents me and sometimes hates me for keeping him away from her when I should have just let him go when he confessed. That bringing up the kids wasn't fair and that he is done being miserable and trying to fix something he has no interest or desire to fix. He said all he feels when he looks at me is anger because I kept him from being with her, and sadness because he wishes it were HER he lived with, was married to, was the mother of his children.

He packed a bag and left last night. I can only assume to be with her. He told me he would give me the divorce papers when they are ready, he is already having his lawyer draft them. He doesn't want to see the kids at all for now because he says he is resentful of them too and he needs to work through that before he can be a father again.

I truly believed we were going to get through this and be better. I am so angry but I am hurt too. I love this man and I thought, in spite of everything from last year, he really loved me too.

Replies

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    May 16 at 10:52 AM

    I'd resent him and ruin his life.  I'd want to run him over, I swear. 

  • IamMex11
    May 16 at 10:53 AM

    ....

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    May 16 at 10:53 AM
    Oh I am angry but right now the hurt is winning. Im sure once the pain isnt so fresh the anger will take over and I cannot wait for that to happen. Hurting this way sucks.

    Quoting Anonymous 2:

    I'd resent him and ruin his life.  I'd want to run him over, I swear. 

  • Dzyre1115
    May 16 at 10:54 AM
    Get your own lawyer, fast....
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    May 16 at 10:54 AM
    Good luck. This is for the best. I see where he's coming from, but had he just come to you and asked for the divorce in the first place it could have saved you both a lot of wasted time.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    May 16 at 10:55 AM
    F*** That f***ing piece of crap. Let him go, and he'll learn the hard way that the grass isn't always greener.

    As for you, and your kids, you're going to have to just get through this. Find YOUR strength, it's there. It's going to suck but you will get through this, and you will be better for it.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    May 16 at 10:55 AM
    I don't have the money for a lawyer.

    Quoting Dzyre1115: Get your own lawyer, fast....
  • Dzyre1115
    May 16 at 10:56 AM
    Get a job, get a lawyer or turn over and get ready to be fucked up the ass.

    Quoting Anonymous 1: I don't have the money for a lawyer.

    Quoting Dzyre1115: Get your own lawyer, fast....
  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    May 16 at 10:56 AM
    He’s an asshole be happy he’s gone! Whatever you do don’t fight for him!! Let him go and you be strong for your children. You deserve better and someone who truly loves you! He’s a horrible person for resenting his innocent children!
  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    May 16 at 10:57 AM
    Call around and find one pro bono! There’s tons out there willing to help Mother’s just look!

    Quoting Anonymous 1: I don't have the money for a lawyer.

    Quoting Dzyre1115: Get your own lawyer, fast....

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