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Divorce or give in? (Could be long) UPDATE
by Anonymous
December 11, 2017 at 2:40 PM
THE UPDATE: original post is below. I officially am signed up for fire school in February passed the background check and the physical and everything. My dh was pissed that I went through with it. I stayed with my dad a few days when i started the process. Then my husband ebded up coming here to talk. He basically gave me 2 options. I give up this idea comoletely, keep living as we have been until the kids start school and then he would support me finding a "more appropriate and less time consuming path". If i insist on doing this, I could home and do it BUT he is not supporting me in any way beyond the bare minimum. I would have to give up my atm card, I wouldn't be allowed to drive "his cars", he wouldn't keep the kids while in in school etc etc. a I'm very torn. I am 25 years old. I havI chose option C. None of these and I am living with my Mom now. The kids are with me and she has agreed to help and to baby sit as much as I need her to. My Dad bought me my own car for Christmas so he can't take it from me. He hasn't seen the kids since I moved out office. He is always too busy. I am getting all the paperwork together to file for divorce.

The OP:

I have been married to my husband for 6 years. We have 2 kids together who are 4 and 18 months. He is 32. I have been a sah wife/mom basically forever.

I have recently become close friends with another Mom in the neighborhood. She is 28 and a single Mom of 2 and is a paramedic and a firefighter. She loves her job and from what I can see seems to be very good at it. I have met several of the people she works with and they all seem to really like and respect her. She has told me stories about things she has done and people she has helped and it got me thinking and I started doing my research.

I t would take me maybe a year and a half to two years to get my firefighter card, my emt basic license and then my paramedic. But I could feasibly start working on the field within 6 months to a year, I just wouldnt be able to get on full time with a department until I finished all 3. I could get grants and financial aid to cover all of the schooling. The more I think about it the more I know it would be a perfdect path for me.

The issue. My dh is very old-fashioned and believes women should stay home if at all possible and if not, there are certain professions that should remain strictly for men - this being one of them. When I broached the subject of wanting to follow this path, he put his foot down and said no way would he stay married to me if I made that choice and he said he would fight tooth and nail for custody of the kids. He told me he didn't mind if I went to school but that it should be for something more suitable like secretarial work or even something more hobby related, like art classes or cooking. He said he could compromise and let me get a part time job doing something like that once our kids are in school but until then I am expected to stay home.

To be fair, I do love him and I did marry him knowing his views on this sort of thing. I did agree to the lifestyle he feels is right. But I have grown up a lot since then and I am starting to realize I want to do something more than this and I find myself longing to make this happen. I just don't know. Am I being unfair? Should I give up on this and just love the life I agreed to? Bit I don't think I can be content living this way forever. But I do love him. I am SO torn.

Replies

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    December 11, 2017 at 2:42 PM
    Congrats you married a sexist pig!
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    December 11, 2017 at 2:44 PM
    I would kick his sexist ass to the curb quicker than you can say divorce. I would not put up with anyone using my children to threaten me.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    December 11, 2017 at 2:45 PM

    Its one of those things, you have to decide what is more important to you. Your marriage or going back to work. There is no right or wrong here. Only you can decide what is right for you. Personally I would at least stay home a few more years until the kids are school aged and then go from there. 

  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    December 11, 2017 at 2:46 PM
    He wasn't his children raised by their mother, not day care.
  • krisnkids
    December 11, 2017 at 2:49 PM

    You can apply to larger fire departments and they put you through their "academy". FYI

    As for your dh, yes, he is a sexist pig.

    However if you were to become a firefighter and were divorced from him, you would have a fight on your hands for custody. As a single mom and firefighter vs a single dad with a 9-5 job, he'd probably get primary.

  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    December 11, 2017 at 2:49 PM
    Why not become a nurse?
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    December 11, 2017 at 2:50 PM
    I am really tempted. I find myself resenting him more and more every day. I do love him. But I don't know how much longer that can last feeling the way I do.

    Quoting Anonymous 3: I would kick his sexist ass to the curb quicker than you can say divorce. I would not put up with anyone using my children to threaten me.
  • Anonymous 7
    by Anonymous 7
    December 11, 2017 at 2:50 PM
    So you married him knowing how he felt and now want him to change? I don't get that.

    why marry him if you didn't want the same thing? Dh said he wanted his wife to stay home with their kids. It was a deal breaker for him. Lucky for me it was what I wanted as well.

    I think you went into it knowing you should stay home until the kids are in school.
  • corticosteroid
    December 11, 2017 at 2:51 PM

    Is it 1954 already?

  • Anonymous 8
    by Anonymous 8
    December 11, 2017 at 2:52 PM
    Just divorce. Neither you or him are going to be happy. He has his opinions and beliefs and you have your new found thing. Why live miserably wanting more exitment.

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