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Changing everything for her
by Anonymous
December 7 at 11:38 AM
My kids dad has been living with a woman and her kids for probably 3 years now. I wasn't thrilled with it at first but I have gotten used to it and have even developed an ok relationship with her. I mean we aren't friends but we can say hi and be cordial when we see each other places.

But recently I've noticed things at his house have changed dramatically for the kids. Apparently she is going to school and working full time (she stayed home probably the first 2 years they lived together). Which I'm sure is financially good for everybody. But the issue is, now her kids are pretty much ALWAYS around. Every time he takes our kids out, now her kids come too. And because she has 3 kids and we have 2 it's now rare for them to be able to even do anything outside the house because they don't really have a big enough vehicle for everyone. He refuses to leave her kids out - even though they are plenty old enough not to need a sitter. He told my daughter that it would be mean to leave them out because their Mom is too busy right now to take them anywhere most of the time so if he takes anyone to do something fun it had to be all of them.

This seems like a double standard to me because her kids live there full time and our kids are only there every other week so he is alone with her kids half the time and I know they still go do stuff together those days. Plus, the last week my kids were over there my kids werre alone for 3 entire afternoon/evening with her two younger kids because he had taken her oldest on college visits.

I understand blended families are challenging. I am juggling one of my own. It just seems like my kids are getting the short end of the stick because her kids don't have involved fathers and mine have 2 parents involved.

Replies

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    December 7 at 11:41 AM
    I agree it's not fair to your kids. Many stepparents try so hard to be fair to their stepkids they end up being unfair to their own children.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    December 7 at 11:43 AM
    Yeah I feel bad for your kids they need to sit down with dad and tell him they feel like he is shafting them. He needs to priotize his own kids more.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    December 7 at 11:46 AM
    I undersatand where you are coming from but at the same time I see his side too. He's still spending time with them which is the important thing..have you talked to him about having 1:1 outings with them once a month?
  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    December 7 at 11:47 AM

    Its not right.  Have you said anything to him?

  • fallenangel_353
    December 7 at 11:49 AM
    I’m sorry for your kids, it’s tough. Sounds like they have a good father though. He doesn’t mean anything bad by it, it sounds like he means well and is trying to do right by his blended family. Maybe the kids should say something and he can do some 1:1 time with them.
  • CStarz
    by CStarz
    December 7 at 11:56 AM

    If the step kids are old enough to stay home alone I see no reason why your ex cannot take your kids out from tie to time with just them. You all should sit down and talk about it. I empathize that their mom is working a lot right now but all the kids have a right to spend alone time with their parents. 

  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    December 7 at 11:57 AM

    That's not fair and I can see them not going to visit as much or at all when they're old enough to decide. He better get a handle on the situation now. 

  • Anonymous 7
    by Anonymous 7
    December 7 at 12:03 PM
    I'd have to insist he spend quality time with his kids alone since they don't live there full-time. It is not right bringing step siblings along for every activity. They need some time with their dad without the step siblings.
  • Sassytwinmom
    December 7 at 12:08 PM

    Next time I saw all of them together I'd tell exdh LOUDLY I hope you serious stop wasting time on the kids you see all the time because neither of their parents love them and start spending MORE time with your kids you never see. I'd tell him it's not mean to leave them home when he hardly sees them and they're selfish because their mom doesn't know who their dad is and works and goes to school to get the hell away from them. I'd tell them unless you want me to make your life hell your kids come FIRST when they're with you or I'll give them permission to make her life hell and torture the kids and keep them if you try to discipline them.

  • JDMlover
    December 7 at 12:18 PM

    How old are the kids and how do they feel about this?

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