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Anonymous
If a host declines an offer to help clean up.....
by Anonymous
November 20 at 12:07 AM
Do you still try to help?

I ask this because my husbands family always pushes to help after a family dinner. I thoroughly enjoy the clean up and I have certain ways I clean certain things. For example a lot of the dishes we use for big family dinners are not dishwasher safe and things like that. I appreciate offers for help and it's great that people offer. But I'm getting sick of MIL and DHs grandma rushing into the kitchen buzzing around banging dishes and trying to take a brillo pad to a stainless steel stove.

Honestly, I'm not a snob I just like to do things a certain way.

Replies

  • Ms_Smock
    November 20 at 12:09 AM
    Give them specific tasks??
  • OrangeBalloon
    November 20 at 12:10 AM

    I'm the same way. I suggest starting a movie or a board game, or something to distract them that's fun. Then sneak away to work on the kitchen. 

    If that doesn't work, maybe you can give them very specific tasks to do that will spare your dishes. 

  • Danesmommy1
    November 20 at 12:12 AM
    Give them busywork.
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    November 20 at 12:12 AM
    No. I take their word they don't want help.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 20 at 12:13 AM
    Well tonight I tried that. I asked for all the dishes to just be brought into the kitchen, I ran to the bathroom in the middle of doing dishes and by the time I came back, Grandma was starting the washer with a tea set that is nearly 100 years old and can't go in the dishwasher, it's kinda a family heirloom.
    Honestly it feels weird at my age to give tasks to two women so much older than me like they are toddlers.

    Quoting Ms_Smock: Give them specific tasks??
  • shadow_lark
    November 20 at 12:16 AM
    I just leave it be and quietly go behind and fix things after all is said and done. Unless things are going to be ruined, I let them do their own thing.

    Like my knives. Heaven help the poor sop who puts my blades in the didhwasher.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    November 20 at 12:16 AM
    I will offer help, but I won't push it on someone if they decline it. It's mostly because I know how *I* am. I'm learning to accept help and how to delegate, but a lot of times I have my track and the best thing to do is shut up and stay out of my way.

    It doesn't help that I have OCD tendencies. If you're not doing things "right" it simply gives me anxiety and makes me upset. It's something I've been working on with my husband by walking away and just letting him do it, but I'm not at that point with other people.
  • Ms_Smock
    November 20 at 12:18 AM
    Oh dear. I never try to help after someone says no. My in laws always said no so i didn't but after awhile I started copying what they do... not too much but just put things away or set them places, rinse off stuff, sweep, pick up toys, never anything that's too much.

    The thing is, they might think you say no help just to be polite, and don't realize they are messing up your stuff

    Quoting Anonymous 1: Well tonight I tried that. I asked for all the dishes to just be brought into the kitchen, I ran to the bathroom in the middle of doing dishes and by the time I came back, Grandma was starting the washer with a tea set that is nearly 100 years old and can't go in the dishwasher, it's kinda a family heirloom.
    Honestly it feels weird at my age to give tasks to two women so much older than me like they are toddlers.

    Quoting Ms_Smock: Give them specific tasks??
  • kika.fleur
    November 20 at 12:23 AM

    I am not rude, so I don't help if they say not to.

    I would give them tasks well outside the kitchen to distract them.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 20 at 12:26 AM
    I didn't make a scene or anything although my blood was boiling. I calmly told her that the girls (her great granddaughters) asked if she could read them a story before bed and they're upstairs getting ready. She quickly rushed upstairs to read to them, lol. And I quickly took the set out of the dishwasher.
    DH said we should get new dishes to use for dinners from now on. He knows how important some of my dishes are to me.

    Quoting shadow_lark: I just leave it be and quietly go behind and fix things after all is said and done. Unless things are going to be ruined, I let them do their own thing.

    Like my knives. Heaven help the poor sop who puts my blades in the didhwasher.

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