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myempyreofdirt
What some people don't get about SAHM
June 23 at 10:52 AM
This is just a vent about my own situation. I'm not bashing anyone or comparing.

I've never gotten any mean comments about sahm in real life, but people make comments like "I wish I could just play with my kids all day!" Or "it must be great spending so much time with your kid!" The thing I think they don't understand is that I don't actually get to play with him that much. To be clear, I'm speaking as the mother of a child under school age. it would probably be different if he was in school.

Ds is with me most of the time. I haven't been able to find any playgroups or anything, and the neighbor kids are all older, so I'm his only playmate when dh is at work. I do everything I can for him, but there are many days he just doesn't want me. He sees me all the time and I'm boring to him. He fights me on nearly everything, and there are a lot of days lately where he just screams at me no matter what I try. He's not like that with dh unless he's super tired or sick. I'll probably get a ton of shit for this post. Bash if you must. I just miss having a good time with my kid. It's probably just part of his toddler phase, but it's really wearing on me.

Replies

  • ttriddick
    June 23 at 10:54 AM
    Aw. Been there before. And it does suck. Hang in there! Being a mom is hard work, working outside of the home or not. I've never quite understood what the pissing match between wahm, sahm, and wohm was all about lol
  • Abee2202
    June 23 at 10:57 AM
    I'm opposite. My 4yr wants me to play with her all day long and I have to clean this, pick up that. Take care of the baby too. I feel like when I worked I had more time to play. I'm up and running from 6am until 8pm with the kids and there messes. Then more house stuff until I give up and pass out.
  • myempyreofdirt
    June 23 at 11:03 AM
    I don't want anyone to think I'm saying working moms have it easier. I've never been one so I don't know. I'm sure the problems I have are just replaced with different ones though. Everything has ups and downs.

    Quoting ttriddick: Aw. Been there before. And it does suck. Hang in there! Being a mom is hard work, working outside of the home or not. I've never quite understood what the pissing match between wahm, sahm, and wohm was all about lol
  • ttriddick
    June 23 at 11:04 AM
    Very true. I wish everyone understood that.

    Quoting myempyreofdirt: I don't want anyone to think I'm saying working moms have it easier. I've never been one so I don't know. I'm sure the problems I have are just replaced with different ones though. Everything has ups and downs.

    Quoting ttriddick: Aw. Been there before. And it does suck. Hang in there! Being a mom is hard work, working outside of the home or not. I've never quite understood what the pissing match between wahm, sahm, and wohm was all about lol
  • couture-mommy
    June 23 at 11:06 AM
    I look at it this way: I need breaks every now & then and so does he.
    Doing the same things and seeing only me everyday, all day must be boring to him also lol.
  • ShoeStrings
    June 23 at 11:07 AM

    I will admit that I HATED being a sahm when the kids were little. Now that they're in school, it's much better. I started school when they were 2 and 4 mostly so I would have something to do. It was online the first two years then I graduated from my local university in May. It seriously helped my sanity. I didn't live close to any family or friends and dh worked out of town all the time. So it was just me and them, all day, all night, all the time. I wouldn't want to go back to it for nothing. 

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    June 23 at 11:08 AM

    You're not alone.  I've had days where my DS fights with me for most of the day when he's out for summer break, he's in elementary school, but has no problems at all with my DH.  He's stubborn and willful but also generous, kind and thoughtful to others and I love him for all that although I feel like a failure seeing how he is with his dad.  My DH says we're too much alike to get along for very long and I can see that.

    My DD and I get along so well the vast majority of the time.  Of course that might be for many reasons, she hasn't started school yet and hasn't been exposed to other kids (my DS changed when he started school, had some issues with a bully) or just because we're alike in many ways.  I don't know.  He used to be my little helper, now he wants to be with his dad all the time and only me when he's scared or hurt. 

    Anyway, sorry for my ramble.  I understand where you're coming from.  Staying home is not a cakewalk for us all.  It's not all play and happy times.  It's not watching tv and eating chocolates.  We get the brunt of work and the brunt of their frustration as they are trying to learn how to be.  It's hard.  I think back to when I worked before they were born and how I thought the sun rose and set on my job and if I had a bad day it was the end of the world.  If I'd known then what I know now, I would have breezed through those days.  I was working at home the last few years and recently my department closed so I'm back to SAHM from WAHM.  It's a transition all over again. 

  • jen2150
    by jen2150
    June 23 at 11:12 AM
    I play and spend time with kids all the time. They are affectionate with me. Maybe you just need to find something he likes to do with you. Time away from each other may help. I joined a gym when my kids were young and it helped.
  • mommybear91
    June 23 at 11:16 AM
    See I'm lucky lol my kids are 1&2 they kinda play with each other when I'm cleaning or cooking so I don't really have to feel bad if they're bored. =)
  • raegansmom
    June 23 at 11:16 AM

     I was a SAHM when DD was younger.  I also didn't know any other moms in the area.  I found a mommy & me type pre-school that we attended together (DD was 2 at the time).  It allowed her to socialize with other kids, and my with other adults.  She continued with pre-school from then on.  Just  a few hours a week.  It helped us both.  Maybe worth looking into?

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