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BentoMommy
SO Won't Stop Spending...
June 16 at 8:55 AM

POST EDITED TO BE UP TO DATE:

Alright, I mentioned that SO is spending $160 on average every day, which is far above our budget for luxuries.  I didn't want the bank to end up bouncing since both are names are on it and I'm worried about my credit.  We're also both on the car lease, apartment and cell phones.  Already tried to have a conversation with him about how concerned and worried I am about his spending habbits a few days ago and he either walks away or doesn't listen.  Also, I did note that this is a NEW problem.  As in, extremely new, just the last two weeks.  And I said 'on average' for spending earlier, because he was spending less for the first few days which wasn't a red flag to me.  Just thoguht he was trying to impress the guys.  We broke off the engagement around the same time, but are still living together / a couple.  He wants his own place since he's always lived with roomates and feels he's never been able to be an adult on his own, but he isn't moving out till September.

NEW ~

I said I would call the bank and car dealership once they were open today.  I've been too busy with normal Monday chores (one of my days off) to get to the bank, but I did call them and they said to come in because they would need to see if I had to fill out a few things.  The lady on the phone wasn't sure, but she said that I could probably cancel the account without him.  I do have to get him to agree to refinance the car lease.  I cannot pay for the car on top of the other bills if I pay for them all by myself.  I already decided to close the account and split up names on any bills if I can.  BUT I am going to try and reason with him and see if he wants to split the bills with our own accounts.

UPDATE:

He came home about an hour ago while I was typing so I had to get off the computer.  I confronted him, took the car keys and told him we needed to talk or else I'm leaving.  He seemed a bit shocked at how mad I was and agreed to talk for a bit.  I ended up getting him to calmly talk with me about what has been going on, why he's been so evasive and why he's been spending like crazy.  He was more open to talking about the issues than the money, but he understood he was out of line with the spending.  He was trying to get back at me for taking up all his time in May.  I pointed out he never communicated that he wanted to make any other plans, which completely threw him off.  He admitted he didn't, apologized for his behavior and said he'd stop spending so much.  I made a point that he wasn't understanding what I'm trying to say, showed him the bank account and how he'd spent $1000 more than budgeted and he was speachless.  He didn't realize he spent $200 last night and said he was drunk.  I asked if I could have his card for the time being until we could discuss this again (I have things to do today and he already made plans to go to a BBQ tonight and just came home to shower).  So, he can't spend right now which makes me mind a little more at ease and I'll talk to him about getting seperate bank accounts and one for bills as suggested by a few people once he gets back.

Replies

  • sjenkins8208
    June 16 at 8:57 AM
    YOU don't get him to stop spending. He's a grown "man". You can however leave him and take YOUR money with you. :( sounds like he's just using you now....maybe get a separate account and not let him into it?
  • gabster418
    June 16 at 9:01 AM
    Take your name off the account and get your own.
  • BentoMommy
    June 16 at 9:02 AM

    Our bills are rather high, so we both need to split on them right now.  By myself, I can pay for everything but the car loan.  I'm going to be asking for a raise at work and more time so that I can pay everything on my own, but he isn't moving out until September.  He's technically living in my place because I moved in here about half a year before we started living together, so I really don't want to leave.

    Quoting sjenkins8208: YOU don't get him to stop spending. He's a grown "man". You can however leave him and take YOUR money with you. :( sounds like he's just using you now....maybe get a separate account and not let him into it?


  • Rhodin
    by Rhodin
    June 16 at 9:02 AM
    Sounds like you could dodge a bullet, here. Make sure all titles, accounts, and loans are in one name only (yours or his) and get out before he ruins your credit. He doesn't know your SSN, does he?
  • BentoMommy
    June 16 at 9:03 AM

    It's my bank account that I've had for years, so I really am not going to do that.  I can't get him taken off unless he's willing either and I'm sure he isn't.

    Quoting gabster418: Take your name off the account and get your own.


  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    June 16 at 9:04 AM

    you told him, you told him, you told him, are you his mother?  

  • BentoMommy
    June 16 at 9:05 AM

    We did our taxes together, but he isn't good at remembering numbers so I highly doubt it.  He is never here between working 60 hours a week and being out partying, so the little bit of time we can talk about changing names on everything, he tries to dodge the subject.

    Quoting Rhodin: Sounds like you could dodge a bullet, here. Make sure all titles, accounts, and loans are in one name only (yours or his) and get out before he ruins your credit. He doesn't know your SSN, does he?


  • Greenenvy
    June 16 at 9:05 AM

    Take your name off the account, get your own and leave him.

  • notjstasocermom
    June 16 at 9:05 AM
    So are you two still together
  • latsyrk
    by latsyrk
    June 16 at 9:06 AM
    I wouldn't share an acct with him. In fact, he would probably be moving out.

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