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Joie35
so at what point do I tell him...so I told him
by Joie35
May 3 at 7:05 PM

OK. So I just moved from South Florida to Ohio to live with my boyfriend. We've only been together about a month BUT we were together for 7 months 6 years ago and lived together back then.

He knows pretty much everything about me. We talk about almost everything for hrs. We have shared so much about ourselves but I've left one major thing out...my mental health issues. I'm bi polar I and borderline. I am not medicated. I choose to treat with therapy and behavior modification instead.

His ex wife is BiPolar and misused her medication and soured him completely on people with those sorts of issues. He put her through 3 rehabs before giving up and leaving her. I'm afraid if he finds out it will scare him off.

So...when and how do I tell him this? Or is it something better left unsaid? He knows about my past drug addictions and the fact that I am an abuse survivor and he is willing to deal with those things. Is this something he HAS to know? Especially since I am not medicated?

ETA: Well, I told him last night. He got very quiet. Asked for a moment to precess and went outside for a cigarette. When he came back in he was very calm and he said he thought he could handle it, seeing as I seem to be very self aware and willing to deal with my ilness in a safe, productive manner and  I am nothing like his ex wife.  He said he was hurt I'd held back but he understood my reasons and that he wasnt angry with me.

 He then proceeded to make a confession to me as well. He actually handed me his phone to read a conversation between him and his ex wife. Apparently, like the week before he and i started talking he was talking to her about moving up here to reunite his family and try again. She was actually considering leaving her long time boyfriend to come back to him...but the day he and i started talking (and at the time we were only talking as friends) he told her he was having second thoughts and she said she was too and they opted not to reunite.

So we were both holding something back. We ended up having a long talk aboutthe need to be totally open with eachother about everything and how because things happened so fast this time, there had been an element of fear on both our parts but now that i'm here,  moved in and we are happy together and feel safe we need to let that fear go. 

So it went better than I thought it would, though I did find something out I dont necessarily like but if he can get past my mental illness, I can get past him almost getting bacl together with his ex wife,

Replies

  • Pandapanda
    May 3 at 7:06 PM

    I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

  • Sara-1989
    May 3 at 7:06 PM
    That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    May 3 at 7:08 PM

    bring the subject up and casually ask how he would deal if you found out you were diagnosed with it

  • Joie35
    by Joie35
    May 3 at 7:08 PM
    That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

    Quoting Pandapanda:

    I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

  • SamiJ18
    by SamiJ18
    May 3 at 7:08 PM
    You should have told him 6 years ago. Since you didn't, now would be a good time.
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    May 3 at 7:08 PM

    Sorry, but that's something you need to tell him.  If he can't deal, he can't deal and that would luck for you, but you should give him the option of wanting to or not.

  • Joie35
    by Joie35
    May 3 at 7:09 PM
    Don't bother feeling sorry for them. I'm happy. They are happy. His kids are happy. We are all good.

    Quoting Sara-1989: That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    May 3 at 7:09 PM
    Why would u need to talk him ? I think everyone is slightly bi polar lol what do u do walk up and say "hi I'm sal and I'm bi polar?
    O.0
  • Joie35
    by Joie35
    May 3 at 7:09 PM
    Just,like, in casual conversation? That makes me.so nervous lol

    Quoting Anonymous:

    bring the subject up and casually ask how he would deal if you found out you were diagnosed with it

  • bmw29
    by bmw29
    May 3 at 7:09 PM
    Honestly you should have told him before you lived with him the first time.

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