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Parental involvement in a marriage.(Update,I guess)2nd UPDATE
by Anonymous
November 17, 2013 at 3:22 AM
My husband and I had a fight last week Thursday. Since then, we have barely said a word to each other.

Yesterday, he got dressed in the morning,and left without saying a word. I heard him on the phone to his mom though,saying he's coming to her "for a chat". Around 7:30pm I get a call from the tracking company for his car, its in a high risk area,they want to know if its safe. Which area? My mom's area.

I called my mom,and asked if he was there,she says yes,the 3 of them (him,his mom,my mom) are having a "meeting",about the state of our marriage. Nobody bothered to invite me for these talks,nobody bothered to let me know they will be going on. This morning I get a text from my mom: "I'm coming over to talk about your marriage". I don't want to,I feel betrayed and bewildered. My mom says she's only trying to build my marriage,and I'm disappointing her by not wanting these talks.

My thing is,this is my marriage, if my husband has something to say I should be the first port of call,why run to our parents like a 4 year old? I hate,hate,hate parental involvement in marriage.

Am I just being childish? This is not a habit I want to form in my marriage.


There isn't much to update, as I said in replies,I left yesterday when my mom informed me that they were "coming to fix my marriage",I basically spend the day out,had breakfast,caught a movie,and had drinks with a girlfriend. Then I got a call from my brother,yep my brother,telling me running away wasn't the answer (told him who said I was running?I'm giving them space to have their talk)and I must go talk to them,because this is what happens in marriage(he isn't married,and admitted he wouldn't stand it either if it happened to him). In all this time,I'm still getting texts from my mom now calling me a bad mom for leaving the kids with their dad all day. I went home at about 6pm, said hi to my husband,he just glanced at me, okay,then he told me I was childish,that's okay too,I told him that if he had a problem he should have talked to me,he ignored me. I don't know what to do,or when to try again to have a proper conversation with him. Do I give him more space?more time?do I give in,and let these women ,one divorced,one widowed for 30 years,after a 10 year marriage with an apparently serial cheat(sorry dad) tell me how to run my marriage?just to make him happy?

Okay,to those who asked: I don't have a substance problem,at all.

I don't have mental problems

We have been together for 10 years,married for almost 7.

Prior to the argument,we were seemingly happy,we've been talking, planning a vacation,spending a lot of time together,etc.

I'm also so heartbroken that I've had a fight with my mom. Last night I sent her a final text saying sorry for talking to her like that,I felt angry,and betrayed,but I was sorry for my tone. She replied "No man wants a woman who's out all day,without her children,even the law won't be on your side about that,I'm disappointed in you"

Update 2.

When I came back from work on Monday,I found my mom in the living room,and my husband cooking(haha,what a man!)I greeted my mom,she either didn't answer me,or she answered very low,but I didn't hear her greeting because she didn't look at me.Luckily,my MIL wasn't there. Anyway,long story short,My husband's story is, when he went out on Thursday,he was already "disappointed" at me about the way our son looked for his sports day(he wore a shirt that my husband didn't approve of),once again,I knew nothing of this.He said when I texted him and asked where he was he was already annoyed with me so he didn't feel the need to tell me anything. When I persisted in telling him that he should let me know when he goes out,he got angry,and prolonged his night out,that's why he came back at 1 am. Why didn't you answer my texts,and just get me off your back?"It was hard to hear the phone,so that why I was giving you 1 word answers every 30 minutes"this by way made me seem like a nag,whilst most of my texts were "gosh,just answer me and get it over with,I don't understand your story with these one word texts". He still says he felt I wanted him to "report to me",funny enough,if he answered me back with "I'm at BBB having drinks with Joe,sorry didn't tell you,don't wait up",I'd have been more than satisfied and left it there. But he didn't.

The meat issue,he feels I should have bought the meat ,because "the kitchen is my problem,and I'm the woman of the house",I reminded him that he knows I don't have the time to go into a store during the week,he said then I should have told him to go,I said,you were at home the whole day,you knew the was no meat,I TOLD you there was no meat,he said "yeah,but you didn't tell me to go get it". He then went back to a Saturday,before meat ran out,when I went grocery shopping,and bought a bottle of wine,along with 5 bags of food,he turns around,tells my mom "She can buy a bottle of wine,but she can't buy meat". My mother sat there agreeing with everything he said,when I'd raise a point,my mom and him would smirk like I'm an idiot. I asked him why couldn't you come to ME first and talk to me about this? He claims his decision was "impulsive",he woke up on Saturday and decided we need help. Why,before you have even talked to me?"It wasn't planned,I just decided at that moment,and went to my mom". I gave up,I went to bed,my mom followed,and found me crying and got mad at how ungrateful I am that she's there to "HELP us". Oh,my husband lied about times,dates,situations etc. When I argued back,my mom would say "You have changed,I know you as such a quiet person" with this shocked look on her face. I felt trapped. I did tell her that this has to stop,stop intruding in my marriage especially without my invitation,and against my will. I told my husband that he was weak for running to them before even coming to me (my mom said I was being disrespectful to him). I love my mom,but I don't think we'll ever be the same again. My husband on the other hand,hasn't heard the last of me on his weakness.

Can you believe after I went to bed he had the nerve to send me a text and say "Can we talk alone for a bit?just give me 30 minutes?",after all this drama,the fucker now has 30 minutes to give me?NOW he wants to talk alone?ha!


  • Ninjascreenname
    November 17, 2013 at 3:24 AM
    How old are y'all? I dare my mom to "come over for a talk with me about my marriage!"
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    November 17, 2013 at 3:25 AM
    Hell no you're not being childish, your husband needs to grow a set and handle his business with his wife not his mothers.
  • bustybee
    November 17, 2013 at 3:25 AM

    I'd be pretty pissed that my dh would involve our parents as though we were a couple of children. Rather than talking to me about the issues first. I'd rather it remain an issue between us rather than a family matter.

  • Elayna90
    November 17, 2013 at 3:25 AM
    You are not being childish. The only people who should have a say in your marriage is you and your spouse
  • ivy801
    by ivy801
    November 17, 2013 at 3:26 AM
    My hubby usually talks to his mom when he needs sense talked in to him like if he over reacted when we argue but she had never gotten involve. I tell my mother nothing. I don't like her knowing my family buisness.
  • whovianmum
    November 17, 2013 at 3:26 AM

    WTF?That's just weird and he's being the childish one running to mummy and asking her to sort it out for him!

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 17, 2013 at 3:27 AM
    I'm 32 and he is 33.

    Quoting Ninjascreenname:

    How old are y'all? I dare my mom to "come over for a talk with me about my marriage!"

  • JamieBue38
    November 17, 2013 at 3:28 AM
    I have been there, it sucks a lot. I'm sorry :( hopefully you can get him to comminicate to you.
  • NiamhWitch
    November 17, 2013 at 3:28 AM
    This is really bizarre to me.
  • csxt99
    by csxt99
    November 17, 2013 at 3:29 AM

    Your husband needs to get the fuck off his mommy's tit, and your mommy's tit as well!  If there is a problem in the marriage, then it is up to the people in the marriage to work on it, not drag other relatives into it!  If the couple can't get past the issue, then by all means bring in a NEUTRAL third party, like a counselor, but never, never, never the parents of the couple!!!!  As for the two mommies, they should be fucking ashamed of themselves for even listening to baby boy bitch, let alone actually holding meetings and daring to step in!

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