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Anonymous
Should I leave him?
by Anonymous
August 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM
I've known him since I was 13. We were very good friends all througj high school and the first time I got drunk at a party after we graduated, I confessed to him my undying love. Lol we were inseparable. Old couples would tell us in public that we were going to make it, that they could tell by how we looked at each other. There were stars in our eyes. So in love. Things were flawless until I went to bash training. (3 years ago) and he has been slowly withdrawing ever since. We have been married only three months and have sex maybe once a month because he's always too tired. He makes times for his friends but we have only been on two dates since our DD has been here. (She's over ten months old now). He never tells me I'm pretty, he complains about everything I do, and hasn't done anything for valentines day or anniversaries in years. We had been on three breaks previous to DD because I feel like he takes me for granted. We planned to elope 3 months prior to actually going through with it, and he proposed the day before we left to get married while I was changing DDs diaper. He puts no effort or thought into our relationship. Any time I try to talk to him, he acts like I'm a crazy annoying bitch and shuts down. He's the love of my life, but I have done nothing but slowly wither away the past three years.

I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that its okay to beg for a mans scraps of attention.

He's an incredible father, but I feel like he doesn't even notice me.

What would you do?


ETA: I'm in the military and spent this past weekend on a funeral detail putting a close battle buddy in the ground. I had to guard his casket, standing in between my battles dead body, and his grieving mother. I had to pull the flag over his coffin, and pull the dog tags off the feet to hand to his parents after ushering him down the aisle of the church. It was one of the most devastating events of my life. DH did not call, and still has not asked about this past weekend or if I'm okay. I needed him.

Replies

  • chickieboom
    August 6, 2013 at 3:58 AM
    Counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. It sounds like you need someone who can help you work through your feelings so that you can decide where to go from here.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 3:59 AM
    He won't go. I asked before we even got married and e refused. I thought if I married him, it would make him realize how in love with him and he would change.

    It has only gotten worse.


    Quoting chickieboom:

    Counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. It sounds like you need someone who can help you work through your feelings so that you can decide where to go from here.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 4:00 AM
    Bunp
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 4:00 AM
    Bump
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 4:01 AM
    Bump
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 4:01 AM
    Needing advice from ladies who have been there. Or who aren't biased.
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    August 6, 2013 at 4:02 AM
    Im at the end if my marriage and it's not a move place.to be. Your need to do everything you can to save yours. The financial, custody, visitation, it all sucks.
  • chickieboom
    August 6, 2013 at 4:03 AM
    Sounds like you learned the hard way, that getting married (much like having a child) does not magically solve problems. If anything, it magnifies them.
    Go to counseling by yourself. Do it for you and your child. Once you have the tools you need you can make your own choices about what to do. Don't ask an internet chat room full of strangers to make your choices for you.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    He won't go. I asked before we even got married and e refused. I thought if I married him, it would make him realize how in love with him and he would change.



    It has only gotten worse.




    Quoting chickieboom:

    Counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself. It sounds like you need someone who can help you work through your feelings so that you can decide where to go from here.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    August 6, 2013 at 4:03 AM
    If you don't mind me asking, what happened?

    I've done all I can but he won't work on it with me :(


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Im at the end if my marriage and it's not a move place.to be. Your need to do everything you can to save yours. The financial, custody, visitation, it all sucks.

  • PoplarGrove
    August 6, 2013 at 4:04 AM

    I'd insist on marriage counselling before you decide to throw in the towel.  If he won't go then go to counselling by yourself.  You need to learn who you are before you'll have the strength to do what you need to do.

    If he still refuses to treat you like a person he loves and respects then I would leave.  Don't do what I did and stay because he's a great dad.  4 kids and 10 years later I'm finally free and realize I'm worth a lot more than I ever felt I was when I was with him. 

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