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How do you feel when SO watches porn and masturbates? *EDIT!!!*
by Anonymous
May 26, 2013 at 7:52 PM

Okay maybe its what hes watching. He's watching daddy - daughter stuff. We're expecting w/ our first too. Does that change anything at all? :/

DH watches porn behind my back a lot. It's not like he's sex deprived! I give it to him whenever he wants it. Just about everyday. Sometimes several times a day. (sorry tmi!) He says i'm really tight and theres nothing wrong with me personally (tmi again sorry!!!) But he still just loves to jack off to porn... How do you girls feel when or if your SO does this? I'm not talking about masturbating in general...I mean the whole porn thing. I've expressed deeply how it hurts me and makes me feel. But it's not enough for him to stop. :-/ It's making me drift away from him. How do you girls feel about this?



You ladies really dont feel awkward when DH looks at another girl to get off? I guess I find it rude and when youre married youre supposed to faithful.

And for you girls that are getting snippy with me...I was just asking. I believe in morals.


  • Anonymous 31
    by Anonymous 31
    May 26, 2013 at 11:22 PM
    I don't mind at all. I am just as thin and big titted wth a wonderful toned body as any porn star. We have sex every day sometimes twice. If you ladies feel inferior to the women they look at do something . Quit running around your DH looking a hot mess ; dress decent wear makeup. and fix your hair. If you are out ofshape or chunky lose it and tone up.

    Maybe porn should be something that is discussed in the beginning of relationships if it is such a huge deal. Porn is not bad and immoral. Women who have self esteem issues and look like train wrecks from not taking care to maintain their looks are the only ones who have issues with it. FFS he isn't being unfaithful he just wants to watch stimulating things and not be restricted like a child.
  • LetoLiebe
    May 26, 2013 at 11:25 PM

    "You ladies really dont feel awkward when DH looks at another girl to get off? I guess I find it rude and when youre married youre supposed to faithful."

    "And for you girls that are getting snippy with me...I was just asking. I believe in morals."

    OOOOh, is it just me or did it just get chilly in here? Burrrr... 

    We like porn just about the same. I love it, he loves it, we enjoy it together and do the mutual self pleasuring thing. Every one's different. I have many strong morals also and just because you like porn it does not mean you are some sort of bad or immoral person all together.

    When it comes to porn, ummm...I've been in to it independently since I was a teen so husband watching it or husband not watching it,  it makes no difference to me. I do not feel the least little bit threatened by any of the women on the screen. It's porn, its an extra, it's not anything that anyone would get emotionally attached to. It's a physical turn on, that's it. I'm sorry, I don't see anything wrong with applying a little visual variation and adventure in to your sex life, especially since you plan on being married forever. That is a REALLY long time and I prefer to add a little something different here and there in the way of scenery.  We make sure to only play the ones with hot men in them as well, for my sake, because I do love the women of porn, but the men had better be hot too. None of this hot chick and lame ass old guy business. You know, we have to keep it interesting for both of us and an old ugly fat dude that could never get a girl like that in real life unless she were starving for a sandwich or jonesin for a rock kills for me every time. Just gross.

    Sorry you feel this way and that it is all an issue for you and your husband. Hopefully you can find a way to work through it. I would start by remembering that you are his wife. He has sex with you, makes love to you, bonds with you in all areas of life. That is his porn, he jacks off to it. Two very different things.

  • Anonymous 32
    by Anonymous 32
    May 26, 2013 at 11:27 PM
    My SO doesn't do either. I'm not a fan of porn, I feel like if he's getting off it should be with me.
  • Aestas
    by Aestas
    May 28, 2013 at 7:44 AM

    Pornography use is a deal-breaker for me, something my SO has no problem with and knew when we began dating. I'm not religious. And my problem with porn isn't that some see it as a form of cheating, either, although I can understand why someone would feel like it is. My problem with porn is that it's sexist and degrading. It objectifies women and turns them into objects for men's pleasure. If you can stomach it, do a google search for "free porn" and look at the first 10 or so videos that pop up. You will find women being slapped, choked, called horrible names, and they're generally acting like they enjoy all of this abuse. You will find girls who look like children. You will find female bodies stripped of their humanity and reduced to nothing but a bunch of orifices. What kind of message does that send? What kind of sexuality is being depicted when a woman's only pleasure comes from being used and abused and thrown away like trash?

    No, this is not about prudery. I have no problem with sex, no problem with depictions of nudity or sexuality. What I have a problem with is the way that porn narrows the amazing and wonderfully varied possibilities for female pleasure and sexual expression down to one dehumanizing and sexist version of sexuality. I don't really want to get into a debate about this with anyone, but I do want the OP to know she's not crazy for feeling so bothered by it (especially the daddy/daughter thing, because yes, that's creepy as hell). 

    OP, you might be interested in this online series on porn:

    You can also check out the books Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Gail Dines and Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen. Both are available on Amazon if you'd like to see what they're about.

    There is SO MUCH pressure in our society for women to conform to porn culture, whether they feel comfortable with that or not. It doesn't help that when you make a post like this, you get responses telling you to get over it, it's no big deal, etc. If it bothers you, it is a big deal, and if your partner respects you as a human being, the fact that it bothers you will matter to him.

    No one has the right to pressure you into accepting something that you find unacceptable. Remember that.

  • KellBell0820
    May 28, 2013 at 7:48 AM
    SO watches porn sometimes, he doesn't really tell me about it or when he does. Sometimes we watch it together. Sometimes he masturbates, again he doesn't really tell me about it. We have a great sex life so it doesn't really matter.
  • Anonymous 33
    by Anonymous 33
    May 28, 2013 at 9:51 AM
    I do not know his porn/masturbation schedule. I know he likes to watch it, but he knows I don't like it so if he does, I don't know about it. Its fine with me that way. I feel like thats a pretty private moment and really shouldn't be shared. I don't want him knowing how much I masturbate either. However if I knew he was watching porn daily, several times a day, yes I would be offended and upset.
  • KawaiiNerrie
    May 28, 2013 at 10:20 AM

    To be completely honest, it didn't bother me when we first started dating. It became a problem when he got defensive about it and hid it.

    It doesn't necessarily hurt my feelings but it does make me feel very self-conscious about myself. 

  • RobinBright
    May 28, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    I'm totally fine with porn.  I'm not threatened by images on a computer screen, and it doesn't take away from our sex life at all.    I would *not* be fine with my SO ignoring me when I expressed that something was hurting my feelings.  That is a deeper issue.  

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