Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.
Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.
We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
My mother was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia right before I turned 8 years and my brother was 5. We never saw our mom until I was 12 and brother 10 years. Our mother was in the hospital that whole time. The best thing my dad was him always being there for us and making life as normal as possible. Our mother died when I turned 22 though.
Poor kids just keep doing what you're doing and support them emotionally...my ex committed suicide almost 5 years ago...we had 4 kids together and his new wife had 1..my kids don't know the truth..they think he had a heart attack he was having health issues..those kids are lucky to have you in their lives...hugs to you
You mean when the bio mom chooses not to raise her kids she feels bad, that that causes her to kill herself?
My step kids bio mom made a choice to be away from her kids. Made the choice to move states away. Made the choice to cut contact.
She was mentally ill and that influenced her bad choices, but everything was her choice. No one forced anything on her.
This is what happens, when the biological mother, can't raise her own child, while another woman can raise her biological children instead. the biological mother's self esteem is lost, knowing she can't raise her own children, all the while, she knows another woman gets to raise the biological mother's children. and then the biological mother kills herself.
Thanks for the suggestion about the balloon, we might do that.
HUGS to you! I've been there. My 6 year old son lost his father a year and a half ago. The one thing that helped him tremendously is a book called "Never far when in my heart." We got it online, from amazon maybe....anyway, he still keeps it on his nightstand and reads it regularly. It truly helps and fills in all those times where you don't know what to say. Praying for all of you. Maybe for them you could have them write a note and tie it to a helium balloon to go up to heaven so "she can read it..." I did that for my son and it helped. A lot.
I would tell the docotor but not them until they were adults I think it would be too much for a kid to know/handle
If any of the children ever need to seek psychological help, it would be important to know a biological parent has committed suicide. Some medications have way higher rates of suicidal ideations and would need to be avoided.
I would tell them she passed but I wouldnt tell them the details I wouldnt tell them she killed herself.. mot until they were much much older maybe never.