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A few days ago DH confessed... -Frustrating Update
by Anonymous
April 26, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Update: I looked for al anon meetings and the closest one (on ANY day of the week) is 30 minutes away. We only have 1 car so DH takes it to work at 3:30pm and all the meetings are around 6pm. :( So then I looked for NA meeting for him thinking I could tag along since I really miss meetings (I am also a recovering addict- been clean over a year) and the only one's they have are when he is at work. I am getting really discouraged. I really wanted us both to go to meetings, so badly. I am thinking of doing the NA by myself and just sharing that my DH recently relapsed but I doubt it will be as helpful as al anon. :(

That he has been using drugs again for about 6 months. He was doing pills for about a month and then went to illegally buying suboxone. He had been clean for over a year :( I noticed the signs again a few months ago but we have a baby and I thought he was extremely tired and that was contributing to his mood swings. I was wrong.

I'd first like to say that I will ignore comments that say DIVORCE HIM! No, I will not end my marriage because he slipped up. We took vows for better or worse.

But I dont know what to do. I'm angry and hurt. He has been lying to me (or I guess omitting) for 6 months. He is wasting our money on suboxone instead of dealing with what he has coming to him, withdrawal. He has agreed that when his vacation time comes in he will take 3 days of it to go cold turkey off the suboxone (once again!) and go through the withdrawals. But even that pisses me off! He's going to use his vacation time to sleep and complain and be mean while going through withdrawals when we could use that time to do something fun as a family all because he decided to be stupid.

I havent even spoken to him at all today. Last night I tried to say how hurt and dissapointed I was and he started yelling at me and calling me names. I dont care if its the drugs doing it to him! I dont deserve it! I was understanding and had sympathy for him when I thought he was just tired but now that I know its drugs I look back on the last 6 months of fighting and I'm pissed about it. I was very understanding the first time this happened and stayed by his side during the withdrawals and helped him as much as possible but this time he'll be going through that on his own.

I dont know :( I'm just pissed/hurt and ranting now. I cant even look at him. I used to be an addict too but I stopped that shit before I even got pregnant with DS and now that I have him I wouldnt even think of touching that shit! And I dont want him touching DS either, not if he's on something!

I dont know how to be there for him this time. I dont know how to put my anger aside and help him through this. I do love him but this is so unacceptable. Has anyone had an SO relapse? How did you get through it? How did you deal with the mood swings and their anger? How did you deal with YOUR anger? Does anyone have an SO that has been clean for years or is this what I have to look forward to every year or two?

Edit: He can not go to a detox/rehab center. His insurance doesnt cover it and we dont have that kind of money. I am not worried about him dying from withdrawal. He only takes a strip a day which isnt much and thats what he was on the last time we did this so I know he'll be fine.
Also, I forgot some people do not know what suboxone is. It is used to make the user not go through withdrawal (it is SUPPOSE to be used to wean them off drugs but is rarely use correctly around here). It has an opiate blocker in it so if he did get drugs it would prevent him from getting high and he doesnt get high off the subs.

Update: I got him in to see a substance abuse counselor that he will see later this week. He will go once or twice a week. THAT insurance covers.


  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 26, 2013 at 10:59 AM
    P.S. His paychecks are now being transfered into MY bank account as soon as they are deposited. He will have to come to me for money for his subs until he is able to go cold turkey. I am also going to ask that I SEE him take them now to be sure he is only using the subs and no other drugs.
  • lilmoosesmom
    April 26, 2013 at 11:02 AM
    Good luck. You both will need it
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 26, 2013 at 11:03 AM
    Thanks :-\

    Quoting lilmoosesmom:

    Good luck. You both will need it

  • firespurity
    April 26, 2013 at 11:06 AM
    Honey, you don't deserve to be treated rudely, drugs or no drugs. Have you considered alanon?
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    April 26, 2013 at 11:09 AM
    Alanon helped my mom when my dad was struggling with alcoholism. Check it out. It may help you too.
  • tifbrown
    April 26, 2013 at 11:11 AM

    I understand what you are going through. The hurt, frustration, the deep resentment. My hubby had a problem, different drug. It took time, but I never gave up on him. If you ever need someone to vent to or talk things through with, please, don't hesitate to inbox me. My heart breaks for you and your situation. If you want to work through it and see hope for a better furture, then keep at it, don't give up on him. The best advice I have is to take it one day at a time. Feel it out, day by day. Big hugs for you. Positive energy and prays for you and your family. Good luck :)

  • Aireeahnah
    April 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM
    I am the daughter of two alcoholics, the sister of a addict, and also the fiancée of an addict. Let me tell you my honest opinion..subs are asking for trouble down the road. And he is not ready to give it up. An addict must hit rock bottom before he or she can really surrender to sobriety. And he must truly surrender. Now, my mother and father are both alcoholics. One has been sober for twenty years while the other relapsed after their divorce. What was the difference? My mother went to meetings while my father did not. Being clean also means abstaining from ALL substances. Someone who is addicted to narcotics can not drink alcohol, someone who is an alcoholic can not take narcotics. Substances of any kind can lead to a relapse on their substance of choice.

    My honest suggestion is that if he is ready to commit and is truly ready to quit, he will agree to go to a detox center and start attending meetings (they may be helpful to you too if you had a problem in the past, or NarAnon us the narcotics equivalent of AlAnon meetings for people close to addicts.) If he says no, the desperation is not there and I can honestly say that he will not stay clean.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    April 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM
    8 yrs ago i found drug on my hubby i was hurt we just had our frist baby i was hurt didny no what to do i made him sleep out side i couldnt even be around him i didnt want him around my baby but we talked and he quit i help by just being there it was hard but i love him an wanted my baby to hace his daddy hes been clean ever scenes good luck and try an stay positive
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    April 26, 2013 at 11:15 AM
    My hubby has been clean for 14yrs. He knows if he started up again I would be gone. I won't put me or our kids through that shit.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 26, 2013 at 11:15 AM
    Can I go to alanon since I used to be an addict too? I thought it was only for nonaddicts..

    Quoting firespurity:

    Honey, you don't deserve to be treated rudely, drugs or no drugs. Have you considered alanon?

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