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Anonymous
Do I have a right to be F---ing furious?? *A bit long*
by Anonymous
April 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM

SO and I have been talking about children and if we would have one together, even though we both have children from previous relationships (1 is mine and 3 are his).  He asked to adopt mine and I said no for my own reasons, that I do not want to discuss.  He starts on this whole tirade about how he will not be a father figure to mine, and blah blah blah, my child would never call him daddy, blah blah blah.  So I ask him the following question:  

Me: Will you treat my child differently than a child we had together?  

His response: IDK.  Your immediate denial to me adopting her is making me think about it.

Me:I will NOT have a child with a guy who would treat my child any differently than his own just because I won't let him adopt my child.  I also need to think about if I could even be with a man who cannot accept my child as his own without adopting my child.  Fully 100% acceptance of my child will make or break a relationship.

him: I accept your child absolutely.

me:  no you don't.  If you could even think of treating my child any differently because you are not adopting my child, you do not.  I will NOT have my child feel like they are an outsider or even slightly unwanted into any family I do or do not create.

him: that isn't what I meant.  I meant your child calling me by my name and our child calling me daddy. Unless our child has to call me by my name also.  I misinterpreted your question.

Needless to say I'm not buying the whole misinterpreting my question thing, but this really pisses me off.

Ladies, you tell me, did I misinterpret, or misunderstand something or did he say he would treat my child differently than our child?

Replies

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 24, 2013 at 5:07 PM
    Bump because I feel like it.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 24, 2013 at 5:31 PM
    Wow! No one has any opinions?
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 24, 2013 at 10:03 PM
    Bump
  • Constant_Reader
    April 24, 2013 at 10:10 PM
    Hmmm. Sounds like another discussion is needed after both parties have time to think about the aforementioned conversation.
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    April 24, 2013 at 10:11 PM
    You're being ridiculous.....
  • LoriLou75
    April 24, 2013 at 10:12 PM
    Does he realize that adopting isn't an easy process..especially if you aren't married.
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    April 24, 2013 at 10:15 PM
    Think someone should explain to him (calmly) that a parental relationship has little to do with paperwork, and everything to do with parenting and emotional bonding.

    And he's failing miserably at understanding the emotional part.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    April 24, 2013 at 10:15 PM
    Hmmm not sure what to say. I think what he said would bother me but I was a step child who was treated differently. BUT I was also adopted by my step dad.
  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    April 24, 2013 at 10:16 PM
    I would like to know why you won't let him adopt your child. I'm from a blended family so I can see where it might be alittle weird for one kid not call him daddy.
  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    April 24, 2013 at 10:17 PM
    He's obviously hurt by you not allowing him to adopt her and is expressing that, look at the meaning behind his words more than the words themselves. I highly doubt he would treat a child he wants to adopt as his own any differently.

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