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I'm done acting like I feel bad for getting pregnant
by Anonymous
April 20, 2013 at 9:43 AM

I am pregnant with our 3ird child. Me and DH are planning on telling MIL and FIL tonight. I am concerned because with the first 2 pregnancies, MIL and FIL acted like it was some horrible thing. Instead of being happy for us, she said things like "oh, your poor sister", "why don't "we" keep this under our hats for a while" yes she wanted me to HIDE my pregnancy. There is always an air of dread. Throughout my pregnancy, anytime anything about the pregnancy is mentioned around SIL, MIL will quickly change the subject and give me this nasty look like "how dare you talk about that" even if someone else was the one who brought it up. She even told me not to have invitations sent out to DH's side of thee family for my baby showers (in our family, we have one for each baby).

This is all because SIL has been trying to get pregnant for about 8 years, since just before me and DH got married. They have spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, she has gotten pregnant a few times but it has always ended in an early miscarriage. For some reason that no one wants to explain, adoption isn't an option.

SIL sometimes acts like I have personally taken her babies or something. If I parent in a way she doesn't like (for example, I don't use cloth diapers, she thinks they are the only way to go) she will say something like "why can you have kids, you don't know what you are doing". She storms off in a huff when she thinks people are giving my pregnancy too much attention and it's even worse when the new baby comes.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it must be horrible for SIL to not be able to have a baby and I am sure that the fact that in the time that they have been trying, I have had 2 healthy babies, no miscarriages and now I am pregnant again has only added to that. On the other hand, I am sick of feeling bad or acting like I feel bad for being pregnant. I want to be excited about my pregnancies, I want to be able to share about what's going on, not all the time but sometimes. I don't think it's any more fair to try to make me feel guilty for having babies then it is to make SIL feel guilty because she can't.

I talked to DH about my concerns and he agrees with me. We are going to tell MIL and FIl about the pregnancy but we are also going to explain to them that we are very excited and we hope that they will be too and that it was very hurtful the past two pregnancies when mostly upset about us being pregnant.

I hope everything goes ok, if not we may just have to distance ourselves for a while.

Replies

  • jbirdsladie27
    April 20, 2013 at 9:45 AM
    I wouldn't feel bad, I'd feel sad for SIL, but I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant myself.
  • shivasgirl
    April 20, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    good luck, sorry about your sil, that sucks on both sides, but she really needs to let go in your situation

  • Fistandantalus
    April 20, 2013 at 9:47 AM

    Your SIL sounds like a major tool.

    Congratulations!

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 20, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    Yeah, I know it is sad but at some point, SIL is going to have to realize that she may never have a child and other women around her are going to get pregnant and she is going to have to accept that. BIL (DH's brother) is getting married next month and they want to start trying for kids soon.



    Quoting jbirdsladie27:

    I wouldn't feel bad, I'd feel sad for SIL, but I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant myself.



  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 20, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    Thanks



    Quoting Fistandantalus:

    Your SIL sounds like a major tool.

    Congratulations!



  • Kortlynia
    April 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    I wouldn't feel bad, This is what you and your DH wanted, and you should be able to feel happy about it.  It's not your fault that your SIL can't get pregnant, it's sad, but still you guys can't stop living because of that.  His parents should be happy for you, not try to down play it. 

  • VannaMae307
    April 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant. My sister was kinda the same way, when I officially announced it she threw a big piss fit and cried in the middle of a bowling alley. I was honestly embarrassed for her but it didn't lessen the joy I had for myself. You worry about YOU and if that becomes an issue then I'd probably say you need to distance yourself from them.

  • MIA0223
    by MIA0223
    April 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM
    Sorry :(
    I understand her being upset in a way. That must be hard. But her infertility isn't yours.
    She needs to understand that and be excited.

    My sister can't have kids. She had severe endometriosis and it damaged her organs.
    But she was the first one I told when I got pregnant!
    She was the only one who knew for weeks with DS.
    She went to sonograms with me, did my gender reveal party, planned my baby shower that didn't happen because that day I had a one day old in the hospital. Lol.

    I wish one day your SIL can be that excited for her neices and nephews :(
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    April 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    Your SIL is being a big b. and your MIL is her enabler. I would put my foot down say what you have to say whether anyone likes it or not. Stop worrying about their feelings and what not since they obviously don't give two shits about yours. Personally I would've told them both to take a flying bite at a rolling donut a LOOONG time ago.

  • michiganmom5150
    April 20, 2013 at 9:50 AM
    That's not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad. I have a few friends who struggled with fertility and was just cautious about posting on fb and things, because I didn't want them to feel bad. I also have rough pregnancies, so I never told until I was 3 months. You deserve to be excited.

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