My bf and I have been talking a lot about getting married. He is really starting to freak out about the whole step dad issue though. Dd is three. Her dad gets her mondays around 3 from daycare and drops her off Tuesday at 4 at my moms (I don't get off work until 5). This is his choice, we dont have a formal visitation schedule and he has the open door to see her whenever he wants too.
Bf is getting really anxious about his role in dds life. Right now dd is crazy about him. I have even left them alone together for an hr or two just to give them time together and came home to find them playing and having a blast. I tried to explain to him that dd is so young, he IS going to be a major force in her life, he will pretty much be raising her. she will be with is six days a week. He is also worried about how things wkll change if we have another child. I just don't knkw what to tell him to help ease his mind on this. BTW he doesn't have any kids.
If you got remarried, how did it all work with your kids?
My husband stepped into the "dad" role with my oldest. After a year we had another baby, no issues there. He still loves my son. We now have three kids and there's jealousy because my son was the only boy and now has a baby brother that he doesn't enjoy sharing the limelight with.
My DH has benn in my kids lives since they were 2 years old for DD and 2 months old for DS....they are now 15 and 13....I am not going to lie and say it has always been smooth sailing...DH had different parenting ideas, different methods of discipline, and I had to learn to trust him. If he is going to be a fully involved parent then you need to remember tha gives him the right ti set rules and punishments and he will most likely do things different from you.
Dh had no kids when we met. Everyone also said he had no patience, hated mess, etc. I waited over a year before allowing the two of them to meet and two years before he was alone with her. He has been absolutely amazing with her. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she prefers him over me.
I am pregnant now and dh is seriously worried about how he will be able to love his son as much as he loves dd. I think the most important thing I did was allow them to form their own relationship. I said "what will be will be" and didnt try to force any specific role on either of them.
April 10, 2013 at 8:11 AM
How long have you two been together? Seems like hes not ready to be a dad, step or otherwise. Take your time, no rush into marriage