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You expect a 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral?
April 9, 2013 at 12:54 PM

My fiance died unexpectedly several months ago.  He had a back injury and had to have surgery. 9 hours after the surgery ( while still in the hospital) he had a heart attack and died. We have a 4 yr. old child together. Obviously we are devastated and it has been a real struggle in every way. His wish was to be cremated, we had talked about this several times in the past. When he died and arrangements were being discussed his grandmother called me a liar when I expressed his desire of cremation. She said it was not going to happen and he would have never wanted that. I told her I didn't have the money for a burial and this was what he wanted. She said she would pay for it herself before that happened, she's not rich per say but she's well off.  A few hours later she called me and said she made an appt at the funeral home. She made all the arrangements. I asked to be included and was allowed to be there but I had no say so in any of it. Now she's complaining about the money she spent. She's asked me for money a coupe of times. Her daughter has called and asked me for money. Most recently her granddaughter asked me for money. I have 3 children that I am solely responsible for. I don't make alot of money and like most people, I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance etc etc...Our daughter received a small settlement because his injury was work related and they all feel like I need to give that to the grandmother.  He doesn't even have a grave marker (headstone) and I am trying to get one b/c it bothers me that his grave is unmarked. That is a couple of thousand dollars that I will pay on my own. The aunt said that should not be my priority, my priority should be paying her mom back. Essentially they are asking my 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral and I dont think thats right. I want our daughter to have a relationship with his family so I am trying really hard to be nice but they are stressing me out!! Do you think they are right?? And thank you for listening, I have no one to talk to about this.


  • illinoismommy83
    April 9, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    The money given to your 4 year old, in all seriousness, should be saved for her future. It was paid to make up for her dad not being there. I would put it in a savings account for her for college and save it. Tell everyone to leave you alone.

    Grandma made her choice. It is her problem now. Your 4 year old should not have to give up her money to reimb great grandma.

  • nurbabe82
    April 9, 2013 at 12:57 PM


  • bustybee
    April 9, 2013 at 12:58 PM

    I think that they should have listened to you when you discussed how he wished to be buried. they are effectively eliminating you (and your dd by association) by preventing you from having an active role in the funeral/cremation. and then they are trying to discredit his dd by thinking that they are entitled to the settlement left to your dd. I'd say don't give them anything, get the head stone, let them decide the extent of the relationship they want with your dd and always talk positive about them to your dd.

  • Mandy575
    April 9, 2013 at 1:00 PM

    First off I'm so sorry for your loss. As for the money no way!!! That money if hers!!! Put in an acct for her collage. His Grandmother went against his wishes first off and that is wrong in it's self!! You don't owe her a dime. I would honestly limit the time they see your daughter also. Only to protect her from any drama. 

  • QuirkyMom26
    April 9, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    NO NO NO! Don't allow them to make you feel that you owe them anything! He was your fiance and father to your child and you had no say in anything that went on! They took over that responsibility. That money is entitled to YOUR daughter and should be kept amongst the two of you to spend as you see fit.  They need to stop harassing you.  

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    April 9, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    You do not owe the grandmother anything.  If she wouldn't let you make any choices, you don't have any payments to make.  

  • thenameshailie
    April 9, 2013 at 1:03 PM

    No. That money is for your daughter. Dont you dare give it to grandma! Let them be mad, they will get over it. Your daughter needs to be taken care of more than the funeral needs to be paid for.

  • Suzy_Sunshine
    April 9, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    Did he die penniless?


  • got2monsters
    April 9, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    ^^^all of this exactly!
  • anitarichman
    April 9, 2013 at 1:06 PM

     They are wrong.  They did not respect your df's wish to be cremated, therefore they are responisible for paying for whatever they had.  Don't let them use the money that was for dd, as I'm sure that money is for her college, wedding or whatever "SHE" will want when it becomes hers.  You may have to cut ties off with the family if they remain dense and bother you for money.

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