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Anonymous
I miss my old life. I hate being a mother, I hate being a wife, I just hate this rut I'm in.
by Anonymous
April 3, 2013 at 2:32 AM
I have no sense of self anymore. My life for the last 7 years has consisted of husband and kids. I haven't had a job since 2007. Not even a teensy part-time or work from home bs job. I barely have any friends. I never got to start school for the degree I've always wanted to have and now I'm afraid I never will.
I love my husband and I love my kids, don't get me wrong. I'm just so tired of the same thing every day. Get up, deal with kids, deal with husband, clean house, do whatever needs to be done that day, deal with kids, cook dinner, bedtime, repeat.
We only have 1 car, we can't afford another with our credit and our bills. Me getting a job is pointless because it wouldn't pay for daycare and a second vehicle. I'd be working for nothing because we'd still have more bills than we could pay. So on the days I need the car, if I need to do the grocery shopping or have appointments or just want to get out of the house, I have to rush to get my oldest off to school then back home to take husband to work so I can have the car (we are lucky enough to live across the street from my son's elementary school so I just have to walk him over). But if hubby has an appointment on a day I want the car, then I'm just screwed because he refuses to walk even though all the clinics are just 1 BLOCK from his office. So if we both have an appointment that day, I have to walk to 7 blocks to the clinic while he only walks 1...and yes, it has happened.

Sometimes I just wish it could be just me again. Before I met hubby. Or before we had kids. I was working a job I loved, we were happy, and I had my own car. I never had to ask to go somewhere, never felt like I had lost myself. I always knew who I was. But now...Now I just feel like I'm on autopilot. Like I'm just going through the motions because if I don't, no one will.

Replies

  • Xanbuttsmom
    April 3, 2013 at 2:37 AM
    I think we all feel like this from time to time. Plan a girls night or something exciting to shake things up. Take a weekend just for you. Go visit a friend or family member out of town.
  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    April 3, 2013 at 2:41 AM
    Check out online degree programs and getting financial aid or loans. Hating your life won't change anything. I felt the way you did. So I researched online masters programs and I found one that's perfect for me. I took out some loans and used some savings and I am so happy now. I am out of my rut and I feel like I'm doing something for ME finally.
  • Mommy_Tate
    April 3, 2013 at 3:34 AM

    You are telling my current life story right now. I know all this feelings you are speaking of. Use this time that you have to go back to school. Either online or on campus. Whatever you feel that you can handle. I went back to school myself. I had two classes on campus and that was enough for me. I got a chance to take a little break from my home life and was doing something meaningful. Apply for financial aid or even loans if you need extra financial help. But remember you are not alone everything takes time. 

  • mommy2xEK
    April 3, 2013 at 4:14 AM
    I fell like I was telling you the word s to type. This was just recently me. I swear I was soooool unhappy. We had one car and when I wanted tobuse it I would have to wake uo at 4am get both of my babies out of bed into the cold drop dh and come home and hope they go back to sleep for 3 hrs. It wss a nightmare.Dh has work all day (military) and then he hangs out with his friends and joined a bowling league. I was starting to resent him and freedom to have a time away because I felt like I was in it 24/7. This past winter I enrolled in school and I feel a little better. I feel like I have some individuality from my family. I just joined a gym class. Make time for you. It'll help
  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    April 3, 2013 at 4:23 AM

    Be thankful you have 1 car. We currently have no transportation. My car broke down last year and since then we have not been able to afford insurance (I flubbed up). DH has severe issues with learning how to drive due to his tramutic childhood filled with abuse. I get so mad at him, but he has super bad anxiety about it. My pos MIL won't even take us to the store. My mom drives 60 miles every friday to take us where we need to go. Idk what I would do without the one good friend I do have who takes us shopping if we need it. But the good news is i am going back to school in may and by the time august comes around pell grant should give me enough left over to take care of 6 months of insurance. My routine is just as yours. You are not alone. *Hugs*

  • kdloves.
    April 3, 2013 at 4:23 AM
    (((Hugs)))
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 3, 2013 at 4:27 AM
    We live 4,500 miles from my family, otherwise I'd be there in a heartbeat.
    I can't really have a girls night out or a weekend by myself. My husband is military and is constantly doing night and weekend training. I'm lucky if I get to do the grocery shopping by myself every few weeks.
    I have friends over for coffee or I walk there, but it's nothing compared to having a life outside of my family.

    Quoting Xanbuttsmom:

    I think we all feel like this from time to time. Plan a girls night or something exciting to shake things up. Take a weekend just for you. Go visit a friend or family member out of town.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 3, 2013 at 4:28 AM
    I'd love to, but I can't do online classes. I've tried, and I fail. I have to be in a classroom to succeed.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Check out online degree programs and getting financial aid or loans. Hating your life won't change anything. I felt the way you did. So I researched online masters programs and I found one that's perfect for me. I took out some loans and used some savings and I am so happy now. I am out of my rut and I feel like I'm doing something for ME finally.
  • Jamie1972
    April 3, 2013 at 4:29 AM

    been doing this since 02. same crap different day. thats why i escape to tv or now tgat i can h ang out and talk to some of my neighbors.

  • wooly
    by wooly
    April 3, 2013 at 5:52 AM

    I lived that life for 10 1/2 years & hated it. We did have 2 cars tho. As soon as my youngest got close to going to school I started babysitting at home & saved up to go to Real Estate School. The week my youngest started school I was out of there!

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