I have no sense of self anymore. My life for the last 7 years has consisted of husband and kids. I haven't had a job since 2007. Not even a teensy part-time or work from home bs job. I barely have any friends. I never got to start school for the degree I've always wanted to have and now I'm afraid I never will.
I love my husband and I love my kids, don't get me wrong. I'm just so tired of the same thing every day. Get up, deal with kids, deal with husband, clean house, do whatever needs to be done that day, deal with kids, cook dinner, bedtime, repeat.
We only have 1 car, we can't afford another with our credit and our bills. Me getting a job is pointless because it wouldn't pay for daycare and a second vehicle. I'd be working for nothing because we'd still have more bills than we could pay. So on the days I need the car, if I need to do the grocery shopping or have appointments or just want to get out of the house, I have to rush to get my oldest off to school then back home to take husband to work so I can have the car (we are lucky enough to live across the street from my son's elementary school so I just have to walk him over). But if hubby has an appointment on a day I want the car, then I'm just screwed because he refuses to walk even though all the clinics are just 1 BLOCK from his office. So if we both have an appointment that day, I have to walk to 7 blocks to the clinic while he only walks 1...and yes, it has happened.
Sometimes I just wish it could be just me again. Before I met hubby. Or before we had kids. I was working a job I loved, we were happy, and I had my own car. I never had to ask to go somewhere, never felt like I had lost myself. I always knew who I was. But now...Now I just feel like I'm on autopilot. Like I'm just going through the motions because if I don't, no one will.
Man, I just stopped working bc of no 2nd car and the daycare issue and I already feel lost. I have worked since I was 14. I feel bad but I don't want to not work. however it is in my family's best interest and I guess I will just have to bite the bullet. I am sorry I wish I had something better to say.
You are getting great suggestions to help but you have an excuse as to why you cant do each one. you have the power to make yourself happy, if you choose not to do it there is nothing anyone on here can say. join some mommy groups, meet up, have adult interaction. contact the family support group, you said dh is military right? they could be a start for some friends.
by Anonymous 4
April 3, 2013 at 6:14 AM
On line schooling? how long til all the kids are in school? How about getting a job at the clinic you can walk to? Sounds like your dh is a selfish asshole who thinks only of himself, sorry to say..What's going to happen when all the kids are in school full time? ARe you expected to just run out and get any job offered to you? Have you discussed YOUR career at all with him?
I cant live the SAHM life either. It sounds like you just need SOME type of excitement, whether it's the social interaction with other adults at a job site, or starting up a hobby.
Just remember, unless you are homeschooling, your kids will eventually be gone 8 hours every week day at school. Thats a good opportunity to go back to school and or get a job.
by Anonymous 2
April 3, 2013 at 9:44 AM
Well if you want to get out of your rut you have to try again. No excuses anymore.
I'd love to, but I can't do online classes. I've tried, and I fail. I have to be in a classroom to succeed.
Check out online degree programs and getting financial aid or loans. Hating your life won't change anything. I felt the way you did. So I researched online masters programs and I found one that's perfect for me. I took out some loans and used some savings and I am so happy now. I am out of my rut and I feel like I'm doing something for ME finally.