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what would you do if your dh... update, day 5
by Anonymous
April 3, 2013 at 12:23 AM

Of 6 1/2 years told you he slept with another woman and she was pregnant?
dont answer with the " he would never do that to me " because that was me. I never thought my dh would do something like that but he did.
I have kicked him out and am now trying to sort it all out. Btw he told me this morning.

update*

Okay this is day 2 of knowing and i am so very thankful for my friend. She is an older mom (mid to late40s) and i am in 25. She always knows the right things to say.  I have just been praying and praying about this. I feel so calm yet just want to punch him at the same time. I know in my heart that revenge is not the answer. God will deal with that one day. The thing is not only am i faced with him committing adultery but also having this love child come from it. I am being hit from every direction, I do want to hurt him right now. I want to punch him in the face and kick him down and just inflict pain on him but i know thats not right and i don't want to see his face right now. Temptation got to him and the devil made its way into our lives. He wants to ruin our life and has found a way to really get me.  I know God is with me an will guide me. Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Thats all i have for now.

update day 3

so yes today is day 3 and after finding the verses, psalms 2:12 "Blessed are ALL who take refuge in Him" and psalms 4:4 "Be angry and do not sin" That one really helped me last night. 

As much as i do want to hurt him and i was thinking that keeping the kids from him would hurt him and i would feel so vulnerable to him by letting him see that kids. Last night i the kids showed me that they need their dad around. I had him come over after work and see the kids. He got the chance to but them to bed last night. Pretty much the whole time he was with them i was shaking out of all the emotions that were going through my head at the time.

I did talk to him after that. I know in my heart that God was/is with me. That is the only explaination to how calm i am right now. I am not a rational thinker. I do usually go towards revenge. I guess i just want to get it all over with at once. inflict as much pain as posible now, this week and just have it be over with and let the healing start from there. I don't want to start healing and have the scab ripped off again and again. When we talked i asked him if he can cut contact with her the next couple of weeks. At first he said no he could not do that but i showed him how much that hurt me and that every time he talks to her now what little is left of me is just crushing more and more. I was not asking him to cut contact with her for forever just for a couple of weeks so we can work things out or try to work things out. He told me that if they don't give the baby up for adoption he wants it to be a part of our lives. That was one of the reasons he said he couldn't cut contact with her. I told him the baby won't be coming in the next couple of weeks.

When he called her and told her that he needed to work on his marraige and wife she got really mad at him. 


Okay thats all i can type for now. I just ask that you please pray for us. I know God has put me on this dificult path for a reason and that he will guide me  and walk with me, but right now I just wish he could show me is plan and lay in all out and say this is how it will end. I want to see the ending now, i want to see what i should be working for.

update Day 5: yesterday we spent most of the day talking. I still can't eat and have to force myself to drink water. Yesterday night I got about 5 hours of sleep and last night I got about 4 hours. I feel numb. When we talked he told me how he felt and how wrong he was in doing what he did. And that instead of talking to her he should have been talking to me. Just because we are talking doe not mean that I forgive him. My kids keep asking about him and the other night one of them kept crying for daddy. That's when I told him that he can come over every night after work and visit with the kids. We also talked about what would be best for the baby. I know I am not the mother but I do know how he wants his kids raised. We talked about a lot of the "Ifs" If we(all three of us) keep the baby and who will care for it and if he really wants that baby added to the mix on what she does and where she leaves her other kids. I know we are careful on who we leave our kid with. I also said how I wouldn't want to pay child support. If they/we keep the kid in our lives, that I am a SAHM and the child can stay here half the time. Also on how torn that child would be if lets say my parents didn't accept it. What then when the kids is older and my kids go to my parents and that kid can't go, or for Christmas The big gifts usually come from my parents and say they didn't want to get that child something. Also how her life would be impacted. She has other kids to worry about and care for. what about when she gets in the 3rd trimester and can't work anymore. Would it be right to keep a child even if she lives in a hotel. I told my husband that I don't think is his responsibility to help her find a place or to help her pay for it. I know that the baby will have a safe place in our home. If she can't provide that on her end then to bad for her. We also talked about adoption. We understand that its not our choice but when we talk to her I feel like we should give her all the options. I know right now she said no to adoption but I think she is hoping that my husband would go with her and leave me. With adoption she will get help with a lot of things and for counseling. There is just so much going on. We are starting marriage counseling soon, next week I think.

Replies

  • Anonymous 7
    by Anonymous 7
    April 5, 2013 at 6:10 AM

    Good! I will be praying for you and your husband.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Thank you. I have told him that all communication with her will be with me around.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Hugs! I spoke to you a little the first night you posted about the same thing happening to me 9 years ago. One suggestion, I know this helped me too is whenever DH had to speak to the other woman about the child, it was in front of me, on speaker phone where I could hear everything that was said. He needs to be completely transperent when he deals with her. At least until you can trust him again. DH could talk to her now and I wouldn't care, but right after it happened it was important for him to let me hear everything and keep me involved in the process.



  • Xo.LOVES.Xo
    April 5, 2013 at 8:54 AM

    Bump for more updates, 

    i honestly would have lost it the moment he started using "her and I" together like that..

  • 4weeman
    by 4weeman
    April 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
    So proud of you for taking the high road.
  • m0m23b0ys458
    April 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM

    I sure as crap wouldn't be trying to work things out with him,that's for sure!!!His butt would be GONE!!!!!

  • anitarichman
    April 5, 2013 at 9:03 AM

     Was thinking the same exact thing.

    Quoting m0m23b0ys458:

    I sure as crap wouldn't be trying to work things out with him,that's for sure!!!His butt would be GONE!!!!!

     

  • xanayda
    by xanayda
    April 5, 2013 at 9:05 AM

    I'm sooo glad at such a difficult time your life that you haven't lost faith in God! He's the ONLY one who can pull you through this! I'll be praying for your family!

  • STVUstudent
    April 5, 2013 at 9:07 AM

     

    My only issue is that you are allowing "Temptation" and "the devil" responsible for the free will actions of your cheating husband.  I think that "the devil" gets an awful lot of credit when people CHOOSE an inapropriate course of action... 

    I commend you for drawing strength from whatever source offers it to you.  God can indeed help you through this.  All I'm saying is that HE needs to take responsibility.  The devil is not trying to get to you through him.  He is a cheat and is looking to shirft some of the blame to "the devil" instead of manning up...

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Temptation got to him and the devil made its way into our lives. He wants to ruin our life and has found a way to really get me.  I know God is with me an will guide me. Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Thats all i have for now.


     

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    April 6, 2013 at 6:53 AM

    bump

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