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He left last night & I dont think I want him coming back - Final Update
by Anonymous
March 29, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Ever since our son was born 9 months ago DH is a changed man. He's downright abusive really (to me, not the baby!!). He wanted me to be a SAHM because childcare is so expensive, which is fine except we can only afford 1 car and he has it 24/7 so I cant go anywhere to see anyone or do anything... He then throws it in my face that I have no money?!?! He also will yell and call me a bitch or a cunt.. There is more but I dont want to get too detailed.

The point is, he is not the same person I knew 9 months ago and I do not like this person at all!!! I have asked him to get counseling (we did it together for a few months but he didnt like it and wouldnt go anymore... He also never seemed to try and work on any of the things the therapist told us to work on anyway...), he almost never drinks alcohol, doesnt do drugs, ect.. But this attitude is just horrible!
So last night at 4am when he called me an ignorant bitch because I havent been feeling good (as in, I was puking in the bedroom) and asked him to change the baby (he was WIDE awake too) I just went off on him. I told him exactly what I thought about him and what others had told me they thought about him from the outside looking in. I told him how I didnt feel like he has been trying to improve himself at all. He left. He hasnt ever left.. I have NO idea where he is or if he is ok or what he is doing.... And I am sad to say that a part of me doesnt care! But the other part does care!!!! I dont know what to do... Do I call him? Then what? "Oh please please come home??" <--- not likely...

Update: I found a note I somehow missed earlier this morning. It says:
Went to moms (they have been fighting so I didnt expect that!)! Tomorrow get your stuff ready and we will move you out for good. Then we will go to the bank and transfer your cash to your account and that will be the end of it all!! Good luck!

I forgot he does owe me $1,000 from tax season but that isnt even enough for a downpayment on a 1br studio apartment! I have no car either! Where are my baby and I suppose to go?!?! I'm not packing anything right now!!! This is my apartment too! I paid bills when I was working for years! So he is coming home, I am honestly scared he will get physical if I dont pack my things but there is still snow outside where I live and I kid you not the nearest shelter is over an hour away because we live in the sticks! But on my own I dont think I could afford this rent anyway.. I dont know what to do!!!!

My Plan: I called him once earlier and he ignored it so he obviously isnt ready to talk (thats fine, I am not interested in being yelled at so he can take all the time he needs to calm down!). When he does get home if he still has his "Pack your shit" attitude I am going to tell him I called a lawyer (yes that is a lie) and they said that he cannot throw me out even though my name is not on the lease because I have received mail to this address for years! That he needs to evict me and give me 30 days notice.
My hope is that he comes home with an apology in which case I am going to tell him that we will be getting a joint bank account so I have access to OUR money, that we will be going and finding a cheap car for me even though he doesnt want me to spend the money on it and that I am going back to work (though I'd really love to go to school...). I'm not sure how this conversation will go.... I will update later..

He is on his way home: I got ahold of him and he said he'd just woken up (at 5:30pm!!!) and was going to come home. Then he listened to my voicemail stating that I would not be uprooting our son so if he wanted to split then he could move and this is the text he sent me "heard the last voice mail ur gonna move out n not be a stupid cunt! But if u wana be a cunt like id suspect u would cuz u r. U can have the place n good luck payin the rent n elc. Fuckin stupid bitch" and thats all I've heard so far. I responded back with "I'm not sure why your being like this... You can call me names but if I get pissy because you "cant hear me" yelling to you in this tiny apartment then your going to divorce me?? ok..." and to that he didnt respond. I suspect he will be home in about 20 minutes... I feel like I'm going to puke...

Final Update: We're done. He said he doesnt love me, he's sick of the fighting, he has apparently been doing suboxone for a few months now. He said I can stay here but I'll have to figure it out with the landlord since I have no money. My head is just exploding and I cant even cope right now. I'm just holding my sleeping baby balling my eyes out. I feel like I cant breathe. This man has been my safety for my severe anxiety disorder (that I've literally tried pretty much every medication for) for years. When I have an attack I literally cant function. I'm not strong like a lot of you women, I dont think I can be a mom on my own. I have absolutely no one. He has pushed all of my friends away and my family isnt much of a family. This should be easy because he's an abusive asshole but it still hurts so much I cant even put it into words. I cant even type anymore. I dont know if I will be able to read replies.

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    March 29, 2013 at 8:29 AM
    Nah don't call him.
  • Miller0305
    March 29, 2013 at 8:30 AM
    Sounds like good riddance to me.
  • Awakened1
    March 29, 2013 at 8:30 AM
    He sounds like an ass and I wouldn't blame you for not wanting him back. If he doesn't return file for CS immediately. If he returns and you're prepared to be with him, he NEEDS to go into counselling and certain conditions to be met.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    March 29, 2013 at 8:34 AM
    :)


    Quoting Miller0305:

    Sounds like good riddance to me.

  • PinkButterfly66
    March 29, 2013 at 8:34 AM

    I think you need an exit plan.  Call family or friends and leave.  File for full custody, child support and get a job to support yourself and your baby. 

  • CorpCityGrl
    March 29, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    Don't call him.  Get your ducks in a row and start planning.  Call family and/or friends and don't be too proud to take help when given.  Come up with a game plan - filing for custody, support, job, etc...

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    March 29, 2013 at 8:36 AM
    I have no one.. The job wouldnt be too difficult to get but I have no idea where I would live while saving up for my own place....
    I'm probably paranoid but I feel that might have been his plan....


    Quoting PinkButterfly66:

    I think you need an exit plan.  Call family or friends and leave.  File for full custody, child support and get a job to support yourself and your baby. 


  • blessed107
    March 29, 2013 at 8:37 AM

    I wouldn't call him, especially after being called those names. I would have nipped it in the bud the very first time he called me a name.

  • GibsonSD92
    March 29, 2013 at 8:40 AM

     Start googling state and county assisance where you're at. It is NOT EVER GOING TO BE EASY TO LEAVE BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT!

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I have no one.. The job wouldnt be too difficult to get but I have no idea where I would live while saving up for my own place....
    I'm probably paranoid but I feel that might have been his plan....


    Quoting PinkButterfly66:

    I think you need an exit plan.  Call family or friends and leave.  File for full custody, child support and get a job to support yourself and your baby. 


     

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    March 29, 2013 at 8:41 AM
    I wouldn't call him. When/if he comes back don't "throw" yourself at him. Just ask him if he thought about what you said. Start a discussion.

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