Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.
I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.
Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!
A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement.
Issue #3: We foot the bill!
It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for:
- Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
- Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
- Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
- Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
- Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport
My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"
Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman?
EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.
it's not unreasonable to limit the number of guests you allow at one time in your home. We can comfortably fit 2-4 max. 23 people is ridiculous, you are being used as a hotel. Go to the wedding but stay firm on guests and you also don't need to be picking everyone up, they can rent a car. If they order it now they can get it for a relatively low price.
by Anonymous 2March 17, 2013 at 5:12 PMYour house your rules. I'd personally contact the 4 family members you like and let them know they're welcome to stay in your home. Contact the other 19 and tell them that they will need to take care of their own transportation and lodgings as your house is full and you are unable to accommodate all of them. Tell them if they have any further questions to contact your cousin. Then call your cousin and say "I'm not a hotel, everyone is already aware they need to find different lodgings".
That is how it is in our family and we just smile and enjoy being with each other.
Personally, it sounds like there is a lot more going on then just what you posted. I can't imagine not going to a wedding because you don't like to dance. That isn't the point of the wedding.
by Brittanyk3March 17, 2013 at 5:16 PMi understand your point 100%. i have a huge family and we are all about helping out and staying at families housej BUT everyone also pitches in for food and all that...so heres a bump!
The dancing thing to me is odd. I don't dance either -- I've never been to a wedding where it was required. I simply visit with people and sip a glass of wine.
About the guests, I'd simply speak up and tell them it's expensive and you can't accommodate everyone. I can't imagine staying in someone's home and not offering to pay for food, at a minimum.
Maybe your cousin should consider renting a vehicle and getting the guests back and forth to the airport.