Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.
I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.
Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!
A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement.
Issue #3: We foot the bill!
It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for:
- Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
- Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
- Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
- Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
- Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport
My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"
Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman?
EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.
Yup this exactly. How rude of your family.
Your house your rules. I'd personally contact the 4 family members you like and let them know they're welcome to stay in your home. Contact the other 19 and tell them that they will need to take care of their own transportation and lodgings as your house is full and you are unable to accommodate all of them. Tell them if they have any further questions to contact your cousin. Then call your cousin and say "I'm not a hotel, everyone is already aware they need to find different lodgings".
There is no way I'd accomodate 23 relatives, NO WAY!!! I love my family, but they can get hotels or split with other relatives. You're not being unreasonable at all.
HOWEVER, you should GO to the wedding. You don't have to dance. I was IN my brother and SILs weddings in 2011, and I didn't dance at either one of them. :P
Granted I have a close family and we typically accommodate them, they also pitch in around the house and we never have to chauffeur them around, pay their way to eat, etc.
I wouldn't deal with it at all. I don't care how big your house is. It is not your wedding therefore not your responsibility to accommodate those people. I'd call and allow a few to stay that you're okay with OR I'd just call them all myself and let them know they will not be able to stay at my house and give them the names and numbers of surrounding hotels if they so choose to take that route. I'd then call the cousin and let her know my house is not a free hotel nor is it available during the wedding and inform her you've informed everyone of the situation and what she chooses to do from there is her business.
March 17, 2013 at 6:45 PM
This - I would never have a problem with house-guests, but family abusing your hospitality so they don't have to pay for anything is unreasonable.
it's not unreasonable to limit the number of guests you allow at one time in your home. We can comfortably fit 2-4 max. 23 people is ridiculous, you are being used as a hotel. Go to the wedding but stay firm on guests and you also don't need to be picking everyone up, they can rent a car. If they order it now they can get it for a relatively low price.
March 17, 2013 at 6:47 PM
just say no! Just because they are family doesn't mean they have the right to use you.
by LucyHarperMarch 17, 2013 at 6:47 PM
I think you are making some of these problems yourself. You can go to a wedding without dancing and having to house and transport people for days. You are going to see your cousin get married, not to dance, so if you don't want to dance, don't. You do not have to pay for everyones meals and take off work to drive people around or rent a car. If you want to pick people up at the airport, okay, but don't rent a car to do it. If they can't fit, say sorry, we don't have a big enough car. I would tell them that they are welcome to stay at your place, but you have work and don't have a large enough car to drive them around so they will have to find their own transportation. Make some easy cheap meals and if you eat out, don't pay for everyone, make it clear that everyone will be paying for themselves.
March 17, 2013 at 6:47 PMthen don't. tell them to get a room and a car and enjoy their trip.