Then a week later he filed for a change of custody. He mailed the notice to an address I haven't lived at for more than 8 years and mailed the notice to an address my attorney hasn'[t been at in 8 years either. The only reason I was even notified of the request to change custody was because my attorney got the notice a week after the initial hearing date was made.
CPS talked to my kid at school and my kid came home and asked me why this strange man was asking if I had ever hit her. She then said "mommy you've never hit me, why would that man ask me if you did."
The same day my husband, called me and told me to come home. The cps person had come into our home, didn't even tell my husband what his name was and wouldn't tell us what the allegations were. The guy left as soon as my husband told him that I am an attorney and a nurse. He didn't even wait for me to come home to speak with me. I called to the state cps board and found out who the guy was that was in my home. Never got a call back from the guy. Instead, I got a letter from a different social worker saying there's been an allegation of abuse or neglect and to call a number. I called that number and left a message for that worker. Still haven't heard from the worker and its been 2 weeks. The worker that was in my home questioned my husband about a day when he took my daughter to school. She has a seizure disorder but hadn't had a seizure in 4 years. She had been complaining that she couldn't walk, but as I looked at her she was moving around and had dressed herself. So, thinking that she was lying to me (I'm a nurse and she didn't evidence any actual signs of a seizure), I had my husband take her to school. She's lied in the past to keep from going to school and to keep from going to her dad's. When she has a seizure she always vomits and they are always grand mal seizures. She did not vomit and there was no visible sign or symptoms. My husband took her to school and carried her into school. Her stepmother works at the school so he left her with her stepmother. Her stepmother did not call me or anything. I called to check and see if she was alright later in the day and the school said she was at the hospital! He and his wife had taken my kid to the hospital and didn't bother to tell me. They did an MRI and it was ruled that she had not had a seizure. So ex took her back to his house. She then had an actual seizure at his house. They took her to the hospital. My ex then proceeded to gang up on me and keep me out of the hospital room and because I didn't want my daughter to be traumatized I didn't stay.
There is a hearing date set to hold my ex in contempt for failing to return my child to me and for failing to pay child support over the last 6 months and on his request to change custody. I hadn't gone after him for anything and let it all slide for months because I was trying to avoid a fight. He was verbally abusive during our marriage and towards the end of the marriage became physically abusive. He is now using our child to control and manipulate me.
I am scared that CPS will come up with something despite the fact that my children are well-fed, clothed appropriately, clean, see their pediatrician and other doctors regularly and my home is clean. As someone who has represented parents in CPS cases I have seen them remove kids or make parents complete a "safety plan" admitting guilt even when the parent's didn't deserve it. I have also seen the reverse where kids that should have been removed were not.
What kind of a person does this sort of thing to another person? He's traumatizing our child and my other children and jeopardizing my ability to earn an income because I work primarily as a nurse. If I work as an attorney its for low-income people and I don't make enough to support my kids that way.
I am worried that the judge won't see what my ex is doing as well. Judges don't always see when there is manipulation and bullying involved.
And, I have lost 15 pounds in the last 2 weeks because of the stress.
On top of it all, he asked my sister if she would talk to CPS... she said she would if they called but that she wouldn't go against me because I'm not a bad mother.
Sorry for the long post.
by Anonymous 2March 7, 2013 at 6:02 AM
Wow what a horrible person to do this to his child and to you. Hopefully they listen to your child. Is she old enough to be spoken to by a judge? It might be time to get a home study done. That way all of your children your husband you and his family as well will be looked at by a professional. It might weigh very well in your favor. I have a friend who did this her husbands ex was found out to have narcissistic personality disorder and has thus paid high price for that for every contempt charge she's earned herself for bullying and manipulative behavior.
by Anonymous 3March 7, 2013 at 6:03 AMThey have to investigate. If they find that your home is suitable and with your degrees in nursing and law you should be seen as a stable provider. If necessary why can't you work with both low income and fee paying clients to support your kids? How will this case especially if unfounded hurt your ability to earn an income?
Wow. Im sorry you are going through this. Your ex can get in a lot of trouble for making things up and lying to CPS. I know it's gotta be extremely scary, but your ex really doesnt have a leg to stand on. Im sure the judge will see this. Just document EVERYTHING. But im sure you know that since you're a lawyer.
You haven't done anything wrong, and it sounds like your dd is old enough to tell the judge that. As far as being worried about the whole seizure thing, it was medically documented that your dd did not have a seizure up until later that day when she actually did have one. So you are in the clear there. It also does not look good for your ex that he did not return your dd after, and that he hasn't been paying child support the past 6 months. In actuality, your ex could possibly be screwing himself over and digging his grave right now. My ex tried to lie and make false claims. The judge saw right through him, and it all came back to bite him in the a** big time. He has zero custody, zero visitation, etc but he has to pay cs. They even went as far as garnishing his checks to make sure it's paid. I really think you'll be fine. Good luck mama!
by Anonymous 1 - Original PosterMarch 7, 2013 at 6:29 AM
It takes a very low standard to substantiate a CPS case. They use "preponderance of the evidence" as a standard, which means its more likely than not the child is abused or neglected. Its a civil standard rather than a criminal one. So a parent can be held to have a substantiated claim of abuse or neglect against them and it not rise to the level of a criminal charge.
If I had a substantiated case of abuse against me, I would lose my nursing license. I work primarily as a nurse. I found that when I worked as an attorney, people didn't want to pay for services and finding a job as an attorney with a firm is a joke. There are a lot of attorneys out there and very few jobs. I make more money as a nurse than I was making as a full-time attorney.
Now, I don't believe that I have anything to worry about regarding the CPS allegations because they haven't removed my kids. If they actually thought my kids were in danger they would have already removed them. But, sometimes by bad luck of the draw, people get really bad, overzealous case workers. They get those case workers that assume that there must be something wrong with your home because someone is complaining.
I had a case where I represented a woman on a case with CPS. CPS removed her kids because she was poor and couldn't afford to live in a better place. There was no other reason. I eventually got them to return the kids but by then the damage to the kids had already been done and they had been out of their mom's home for several months.
The school called cps on me once because my then 6yo told the counselor I lock him in his room at night with no way out. I told them I did lock his door but my home goes in a u shape meaning one bathroom is off his and to get completely out he just had to go through his sisters room, the bathroom, my bedroom which also leads to the living room. So he was never locked in hr just couldn't go out his door. Reason being a week before that he started sleep walking and I walked in my robe barefoot two blocks to the school where he had gone. It was below freezing and snowing out. I barely heard the door. It was a temporary fix until I could figure out what to do. I figured better that than him lost outside somewhere. What I don't get is he has an older brother and if they'd interviewed him he would have told them why but they didn't. So she came to my house. It was all found unsubstantiated. Thank god because like you I would have lost my income as I do daycare.
by Anonymous 1 - Original PosterMarch 7, 2013 at 7:24 AM
Obviously I am not a "layer." However, I am a lawyer and I don't understand what you get out of coming into a forum and attacking someone based upon your assumptions. And if you actually ask around, there are different kinds of lawyers that practice different types of law. Most lawyers specialize in a certain area of law. Why do you feel the need to come into a forum to attack someone?
I am quite aware of what the laws are of my state. However, as a parent, I am still anxious and I didn't come to this site to be attacked by someone.
Custody battles and CPS allegations can swing either way irregardless of whether the parent is a good parent or not. People are falliable and make mistakes. Judges don't always side with the parent who has done nothing wrong.
by Anonymous 1 - Original PosterMarch 7, 2013 at 7:29 AM
It took me 5 years to complete my undergraduate degree and another 2 to complete law school. I went into nursing afterwards and that took me 2 years. I'm planning on going further in my education to get a BSN in nursing.
As for my age... I choose not to disclose.