I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a baby I didn't intend to conceive (we thought SO was infertile but still used protection - turns out he wasn't infertile and spermicide wasn't the most effective protection) and I have had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that I'm having another child. About a month ago, I finally came to terms with it and actually started looking forward to having a baby again. But the entire pregnancy, just about everyone (including me) thought that I was having a boy...
Well, we had our ultrasound yesterday
It's not that I don't like little girls, it's just that I already have one. I love her to death, but she's a fireball of energy, a hurricane of emotion, and super clingy. It takes everything out of me just to keep her contained. It's not that she's a bad kid or a lack of discipline - this is something that people have commented on since she was 8 months old - how much energy she has and how moody she is. That's just her.
And I was really looking forward to having a boy and a little bit of a balance of emotions. Preferably more laid-back. I know that every kid is different, but the thought of having two girls scares me even more than the thought of having two kids. All I can think about is crazy pre-teen years, make-up bills, dating worries, and expensive clothes. I've already been hospitalized this pregnancy and almost died (pregnancy is very, very hard on me), along with getting some very ugly stretch marks that I'm nowhere near coming to terms with (I didn't get any with DD1), and I kinda feel like I went through all of that to get something that I already have.
SO was happy about having a girl, which surprised me some because I thought the amount of estrogen might be a bit overwhelming, and I shared some of my feelings about the baby with him, but I mean the baby is here there's not much we can do.
I had a baby boy name picked out, but not a girl name, and I've been looking through them (I've gone through 36 pages of names so far), but nothing seems to "click" and I don't know if it's because I just don't feel attached to this baby. I feel guilty for not being excited, especially when I know that some women TTC for years without success, and when I know some ladies want that little girl so bad.
I think a lot of my feelings with probably go away once the baby is born, but in the meantime I don't know how to cope with the guilt of being disappointed that this baby is a girl or how to get excited again. I'm just so worried that this baby will be just as challenging as my first, and I also wonder if I'll ever have a boy (after all, pregnancy isn't the greatest option for me).
Any advice/ encouragement from moms with girls?
I have two girls, I was happy to be having another girl and I'm still happy I had another girl. They are the best of little friends. They're two years apart and do absolutely everything together. Let me also add, my first girl is very calm and my second is the wild child. You may very well get the exact opposite of me. Your first is the wild child and your second is the calm one. Gender has nothing to do with what type of personality your sweet little baby will have. Congratulations!
by thatsamorex2February 21 at 11:24 AM
I have both a girl and a boy.My girl was/is MUCH easier to deal with than my son.Although I Love my son and wouldn't change having him if I ever have another child I will pray its another girl.Each child is different some are easier to deal with than others.I also have 16 nieces and nephews and the girls have been much easier than the boys.
February 21 at 11:26 AMI have two dds and my first is very emotional and high maintenance. But our second dd is a lot more relaxed. Also I know how you feel with 2 dds but its really nice because they both like playing girlie things together where as my ds does not
by Night_RoaneFebruary 21 at 11:28 AM
That's what I try to tell myself - I know that with them being 5 years apart it really is better that they're both girls (they'll have more in common) and I'm trying to remind myself that at least they won't be pre-teens at the same time.
I have two dds and my first is very emotional and high maintenance. But our second dd is a lot more relaxed. Also I know how you feel with 2 dds but its really nice because they both like playing girlie things together where as my ds does not
by bcollFebruary 21 at 11:28 AM
I have 4 girls and 3 boys. They are all very different children, even within the same gender. I think it's natural to feel some dissapointment, and I also believe it will go away. You will fall in love again and forget what made you complete before you had them both. Good Luck mama
by nikki554February 21 at 11:28 AM
I have three girls. My first is exactly the way that you describe. My second was and still is pretty good. She self soothes and does not have all the emotion that my first has. They are night and day. I have not quite figured out number three yet. She has ornery just spilling out of every pore in her body.
February 21 at 11:30 AM
I have 5 girls, they are all different from each other. Amounts of energy, being hyper, laid back, calm, emotional, etc... You just find what works for each child.
I always thought I didn't care if I had a boy or girl. I just hoped my baby (babies) would be healthy.
by MweddleFebruary 21 at 11:31 AM
I have 2 girls and they are so different. ONe is compliant, one is not. They get along most of the time and I am certain that they will be close in adulthood. That makes my heart happy.