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Anonymous
My disgusting confession *Update*
by Anonymous
February 20, 2013 at 6:41 AM
And no, I do not want a cookie. No, not yay me; and no, I'm not proud. I'm confessing here because no one knows IRL and I need to somehow get it out.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 yrs, married for 6. I had always been faithful to him and always thought I would be. For some unknown reason, about 2.5 months ago I went out for ladies night and ended up bringing a guy home. My husband works late. It was a 1 night stand. It wasn't even really that great....but yet again, I did the same exact thing with someone different 2 weeks later. Again, not even great. Yet here I am, actually talking to another man whom I've been having an emotional fling with for the past month. I have planned for us to hook up next weekend.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I do love my husband, nobody is going to be able to tell me "well, if you love him, then you wouldn't be doing this." Not true. Its almost like I turn into a completely different person. I'm in mom/wife mode all day long, where I am reserved and on a scheduled routine. Then I talk and hook up with other men when I'm out of mom/ wife mode. I become a freak, and free spirited.

I think the worse part of my confession is that I have yet to feel guilty.

*update*
I'm now completely and utterly lost and my heart is broken. I've totally shattered my husband...
I emailed my therapist and wrote a quick summary about what's been going on with me. She wrote me back to schedule an apptt ASAP. I went yesterday. Basically, with telling her about my sexual and emotional affairs and looking through my past and knowing my character as a whole, she told me that she believes I have Bipolar and that I need to see a Psychiatrist to get my info and prescribe me meds. Apparently I was going through a manic episode. When I try and look back now, it almost feels physically impossible that that was me. Its almost a blur- far away distant memory that truthfully I barely remember...and it was only about 2 months ago that I had the sexual affairs. It was completely unlike me and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to my marriage with my husband. It just now seems unfathomable that it was me.... I'm now beyond depressed. More depressed than I've ever been in my entire life.
My therapist told me that I would be good to tell my husband about my recent impulses and behavior and to get him educated with Bipolar Disorder. So....I told him last night about the infidelities. He's broken. I've never seen him cry so hard. I feel like a piece of shit and I hate myself. He's not leaving me, but he's also still confused, and extremely devastated. I will get myself the help I need, manage my manic/ depression episodes with the right meds and forever do everything in my power to make it right with him and keep my family together.

Replies

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    February 20, 2013 at 6:46 AM

    You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    February 20, 2013 at 7:04 AM
    Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way


    Quoting Anonymous:

    You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!


  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    February 20, 2013 at 7:13 AM
    I feel for you I went thru the same type of thing with my husband. He found out that I had cheated and it has been a difficult way back too loving each other the way we used too. I think this is a depression ur in with feeling like a woman or a mom. I explained how it was making me feel and my husband understood and made changes. Try and talk to him.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    February 20, 2013 at 7:16 AM

    great bring home an std to your dh, and  you won't have to worry about him finding out of your infidellity...he'll divorce you....what a great example you set for your kids

  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    February 20, 2013 at 7:16 AM
    You really don't love your husband or yourself. Do the both of you a favor divorce him and get yourself into therapy.
  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    February 20, 2013 at 7:17 AM


    So, what are  you going to tell him when you are HIV+ and gave it to him too?  And now you'll have to tell your kids you have a terminal illness

  • lunabella79
    February 20, 2013 at 7:17 AM
    His old affair is probably the reason you don't feel guilty. But there's probably an underlying reason why you're seeking the "attention" of other men. Can you see a therapist without dh's knowledge?

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way




    Quoting Anonymous:

    You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!


  • notjstasocermom
    February 20, 2013 at 7:18 AM

    well obviousyl something is wrong.

  • Anonymous 4
    by Anonymous 4
    February 20, 2013 at 7:19 AM


    sure, convince her to sneak around even more.....smh....she oughta be a REAL woman, and cut ties with her dh before she give him a disease

    Quoting lunabella79:

    His old affair is probably the reason you don't feel guilty. But there's probably an underlying reason why you're seeking the "attention" of other men. Can you see a therapist without dh's knowledge?

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Its quite sad that I don't think about that. I feel separated from my "normal" life when I do these things...I also don't feel like he will leave me if he found out. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and I never left....I almost feel justified in some weird way




    Quoting Anonymous:

    You can stop right now. Something is going on with you and you need to find a different way to deal with it. You don't feel guilty because you haven't been caught. When your husband catches on to this, it's going to be terrible.  You are gambling on destroying your life as you know it!




  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    February 20, 2013 at 7:19 AM

    Then stop putting yourself in that situation and go and talk with someone so that you can figure out what in the world is going on in your mind to cause you to think that way. 

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