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(FINAL UPDATE!! - BM was ARRESTED) I Took my Step Daughter to get an Abortion Today (Things got scary last night!)
by Anonymous
February 19, 2013 at 12:10 PM

FINAL UPDATE: Some of you ladies are REALLY DUMB. Did you not learn how to read? Read the post before commenting. We gave our SD the option to abort, adopt, or KEEP THE BABY. We would have supported her either way. We said, if you want to have the baby we will help you. We would have helped her with DAYCARE, BIRTH COSTS, EVERYTHING. SD Made her decision. NOT MY BODY. NOT MY CHOICE. We did not push any option. Just gave her all the facts and let her make her decision. We will ALL be pressing charges against BM. Including her own daughter. SD said to me this morning, "She is not my mother anymore. The ability to carry a baby does not make someone a mother. What makes someone a mother is loving their children, no matter what. She doesn't love me. I was just her meal ticket. I am done with her."

Anyway I am done with this post. Don't care what you think of me, don't care if you don't believe me. I'll let you ladies argue with each other but I need to go support my SD. 


UPDATE (Things got ugly last night!): For those of you who wanted an update. Dear SD is doing very well. Last night was rough due to her BM acting like an immature child. She blew up SD and my phone from 6 pm until midnight (yes we have kept all the texts for court). First she was accusing SD of being a bad person, child, etc. Then after SD texted her back telling her to leave her alone and that she would be moving in with us immediately BM's tone changed. She started pleading with SD to not make rash decisions, that she needs her, loves her, etc. It was pathetic. She is SUCH a manipulative woman. She also blew up my phone with profanities and threats. Then she showed up at our house demanding to see SD, which of course, we did not allow.

Then things got scary a few hours later. After leaving, at 2 am BM shows up at our door drunk off her ass. Screaming that we killed her grand-baby and that she will sue DH, that SD is a horrible daughter and she will burn in hell for this. DH stepped outside to try to calm her down and get her to leave. Of course that didn't work. We ended up calling the cops but she bolted right before they showed up (because DH told her that we called the cops hoping that would get her to stop). Shortly after the cops left she CAME BACK. Threw a rock through our front window and slashed the tires on my Porsche. She left a note attached to my car that read, "Murderer. An Eye for an Eye. Watch your back." We immediately called the cops again but we didn't warn her that they were coming this time and she was arrested. Our lawyer has filed papers to make sure SD is immediately removed from the house and we all have filed restraining orders against her. We will be moving on/forward as a FAMILY without her. SD wants nothing to do with her anymore. 

This is so sad. BM has NEVER been like this! She was always a drama queen and emotionally distant from her daughter (Ever since SD was born - BM had REALLY bad PPD after SD was born but managed to get back on track for a while with therapy and medication) but this... This is just awful. We are all hurting now and praying that BM gets some help. We have another meeting with our attorney this afternoon to discuss if there is anyway we can force BM to get some help as we don't want to have to cut her out of our lives forever if she can get better.


EDIT4: For those of you who want to know Dear SD is resting. Doing very well. Obviously she is tired. BM on the other hand has started blowing up SD's phone with profanities and accusations. I cannot believe how immature this woman is!!! DH will talk to her in a day or two. He needs to cool  down (pissed about what she is doing) and hopes that she will too.


Here is the back-story just in case anyone is wondering. SD is 17, just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago. At that time she was barely pregnant, almost 5 weeks. She told her Mother, who is the "primary parent", who flipped her shit. Her mother demanded that she keep the baby and raise it. She said, and I quote, "She was not getting out of this without suffering the consequences of her actions." She refused to give her money for an abortion and has been harassing her daughter about it.

DH and I both agree that an abortion was the best option. Since I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD to our son who is 2 I agreed to pay for her abortion. And would pay for her birth control going forward (her mother wouldn't "let" her get on the pill - in other words, wouldn't pay for it). Since DD doesn't have a job (she is a straight A student who also plays sports) she couldn't pay for BC or an abortion her self. Well since it is SD's body, it is her choice. So we went ahead and paid for it and I took her. She is now at home recovering.

Of course BM is now on the phone with DH screaming her head off saying that we were out of line, That she will sue us, etc. DH and I know what we did was the right thing. He has been nothing but a loving, supportive father. We pay a large amount of CS every month for this girl ($3,000) So he is NOT a deadbeat Dad. We have her 40% of the time. I am having to hold myself back from getting on the phone and ripping her a new one. It is SD's body. She gets to make those decisions. She is almost an adult and getting ready to head off to Stanford. A baby is not an option right now. She can have one later.

Dear SD told me about the baby first and had me and DH there when she told her mother. Because of all this DD has decided she wants to move in with us for the remainder of the year. BM obviously doesn't want that because then her CS would end and she would have to go back to work. I have been a better mother to this girl for the last 8 years. She has been a shitty mother since the beginning (She parties like every weekend and is overall emotionally distant).

Let the shit storm begin...

EDIT: Regarding the CS - He was a doctor before deciding to stay at home with our son. I make more then he did by a thousand a month. Our CS arrangement was agreed to out of court. She goes to private school and is sports (all which are incredibly expensive activities). I wanted to make sure that when she is over there is has access to the lifestyle we have. Which is why I agreed to keep paying BM CS for two years (from 16-18).

EDIT2: I went with SD through all her options (we sat down and talked about pregnancy, babies, adoption, and abortion). Gave her all the info (pamphlets, etc), then DH and I said we would support her whatever she choose. We gave her up to 2 weeks to decide what she wanted to do. SHE choose to go forward with an abortion.

EDIT3: One last thing I forgot to post. Dear SD was using condoms. One broke. She got the morning after pill but that failed (This is what she told me). I bought her her first box of condoms 6 months ago when I caught her (walked in) in a compromising situation with her boyfriend. She was embarrassed and thanked me later. She has had a supply every since.

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Replies

  • Anonymous 40
    by Anonymous 40
    February 19, 2013 at 2:33 PM
    Did not see them and do not care. I actually have more things to do all day long than debate on CM. Maybe you should follow my lead? Lol


    Quoting Anonymous:


    i see i gave you links and you ignored them should i provide you with them again?


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Yes I understand that legislation can be proposed but when it becomes a "law", this does not mean that the "majority" of the population agreed. It means a law was proposed and then approved. That is ALL it means. Like I said before, pot is now "legal" in CO but this does not mean the majority of our population agrees with the law.





    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    Perhaps "many" ... but not "the majority" or else it would not have been made legal.


    Do you understand how laws work?






    Quoting Anonymous:

    That's an invalid conclusion. Have you been walking around doorstep to doorstep, taking note of how people feel on the matter? LOL Many things are considered LEGAL that are considered hated by our country (many people hate that pot is now legal in CO for instance).





    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    Those people are stupid. Pregnancy is 40 weeks, and any MOTHER should know that.



    And still, I don't need stats, abortion is legal. If the majority of the country considered it murder, it wouldn't be.








    Quoting Anonymous:

    The majority of the country? REALLY? Got any stats on that?  People also commonly refer to pregnancy being nine months because most obstetricians don't count from the date of conception, Asshat. LOL! 







    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    You carry a child from the 0 week to the 40 week. Beginning of the first to the end of the 9th. That's 40 weeks. 4 weeks in a month. 10 months.




    It's terrifying that you're a mother.




    I don't need stats. Abortion is still legal. Therefore the majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Only zealots.










    Quoting Anonymous:

    The "majority of the country" doesn't view abortion as murder? Really, do you want to back that up with some stats please? I wasn't aware of that at all. You carry a child for 9 months, not 10, then you do the responsible thing by giving someone else a chance at life. There are also such things as open adoptions which are becoming more and more of an option these days so it's obvious that she could even go back and be a part of the child's life later if she wanted to.







    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    That's your opinion. The majority of the country doesn't view it as murder. Carrying a child for 10 months, and then having him or her and giving him to someone else to raise? That's forever. That's walking around the world looking at every child and wondering if it's yours. That's watching the news and wondering if that baby that got put in a microwave, or that poor little girl who was beaten to death, or one of the kids at Sandy Hook were yours. THAT is forever.

















    Quoting Anonymous:

    Well if the 17 year old was "adult" enough to spread her legs with only a condom as a birth control method, then she should be adult enough to suffer the repercussions of carrying a child. Pregnancy is a nine month long ordeal. Murder is forever. Over and out..............








    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    A pregnant woman being forced to carry a child she does not want is an incubator. Not only that, but an incubator with feelings that is being physically, hormonally, emotionally and psychologically tortured every day for months on end.













    Quoting kmugs:


    Even if you are pro-choice, reducing a pregnant women and the act of carrying a baby down to an incubator is pretty offensive.  








    Quoting Momniscient:


    No one is obligated to be an incubator

    Quoting mehaffiesub:

    I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.











































  • AnnieMcD
    February 19, 2013 at 2:34 PM
    The type whose parents think that going to school and participating in sports is a good way to end your childhood? What a sad world you live in where it's utterly unheard of for a 17 year old full time student to not have a job on top of her schooling and other activities...

    Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

    You should not have any say in the matter whatsoever, nor should you have taken her.  You paid to `fix' her trouble.  Brilliant move.  Again, not against abortion, but she exercised zero responsibility for herself.  And what type of 17 year old girl  does not have a job? 




    Quoting Anonymous:


    I didn't get appointed for anything. DH spoke with BM and they didn't agree. I did take SD to get it done because she asked me to. Wanting to support her I did as she asked.


    Quoting MeAndTommyLee:


    You were completely out of line.  Her father, on the other hand should have handled the situation with her mother.  Him `appointing' you as the determining party was a cop out on his part.  I'm certainly NOT against her having the abortion, however, step-parents `step' in and out and this is in one instance that you overstepped.


     




     

  • Anonymous 59
    by Anonymous 59
    February 19, 2013 at 2:34 PM
    Unless BM has sole rights to make medical decisions for the SD theres nothing she can really do. It sounds like she only wanted her to keep the baby to punish her. She sounds abusive. It's a good thing this girl has you and get dad in her life. She needs all the support she can get.
  • Anonymous 9
    by Anonymous 9
    February 19, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    My parents were 15 and 18 when my older brother was born. They got married. My dad worked and my mom stayed home. I was planned when they were 17 and 20. My mom was a SAHM and raised us. We got no money help from the families because the grandparents didn't agree with the choices my parents made. The only help we ever recieved when we were little was my great grandparents bringing extra food every now and then (as in one bag every two or three months). My dad worked really hard at a fairly decent factory job. He was able to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Granted many nights we ate cereal because that was all we had. It may not be common but it can be done without PA or family support. 


    Quoting jamamama00:

     THANK YOU, Supercarp! I get so sick of seeing the five million moms on here claim they successfully made it as a ten year-old mother. All of them worked fifteen jobs and went to school full time and still somehow raised the baby themselves. Except, you know, anyone with any sense knows that is not possible. SOMEONE is paying for that shit. Someone is taking care of that baby.


    Quoting supercarp:

     You were lucky. Who raised the baby for you?


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Exactly she is almost and adult, she could have very well taken care of her baby. You make it sound like having a baby would have destroyed her life. Not all teenage mother turn out to ruin their life you know. I was a teenage mother at 14, I managed to get my High School Diploma a year ahead of time and went on to receive my BA. While it was not easy, my daughter is now 16 and I would not change her for the world.



    You can go ahead and bad mouth the mother all you want, but the fact of the matter remains, you are not her mother.  Apparently, the courts found her to be the more suitable parent, since she is the primary caregiver. 

    I think you are a little bitter and hurt because those $3,000.00 come out of your pocket every month, since you are the "bread winner" and you really want to eliminate all ties this woman has to your husband.  Kinda sad really.







  • viv212
    by viv212
    February 19, 2013 at 2:35 PM
    I like you.

    And don't worry about explaining anything to anybody. Erase all those updates/edits I say. There's no reason to explain yourself.

    Thank you for giving your SD a choice. <3
  • mehaffiesub
    February 19, 2013 at 2:35 PM
    Then I guess we will just agree to disagree.


    Quoting Momniscient:

    I'm sorry you went through so much trouble.

    But it isn't up to you to hate or not hate others choices. Her choice to keep a child or adopt it out wouldn't have made anything easier for you. Unfortunately it isn't so cut and dried as to 'passing a young life to someone else.' Too many kids languish and suffer in the foster care/adoptive system to make blanket statements that women 'should' make that choice. I'm sorry. 

    Quoting mehaffiesub:

    You know maybe you should think before you write.

    Ill admit I miss wrote I meant to write that I dont hate her I just hate what she did.

    It took me forever to get pregnant with my dd and that was after doctors told me that I may never even have kids. Thats why when I look at my dd I question how anyone can terminate their pregnancy instead of passing that young life onto someone who may want it.

    Im sorry I said I hate the OP I dont hate her I just hate her and her SDs choice.





    Quoting Momniscient:

    Wow. That's a lot of hate.

    No one is obligated to be an incubator. You should seek therapy. Hate is poison.

    Quoting mehaffiesub:

    I hate that you let your SD go through with the abortion cause there are alot of people who cant have kids that would have loved to adopt her baby. Abortion is always the wrong option so I hate you for letting her do it. Good Day to you know.






  • Anonymous 60
    by Anonymous 60
    February 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM
    You were way out of line.
    You should have butted out and let her parents take care of it together.
  • JBiiirdD
    February 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM
    I don't agree with what you did, but it's your family not mine.
  • Anonymous 40
    by Anonymous 40
    February 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM
    She is just trying to get you to fight with her. I've watched her get some kind of a strange turn on via all abortion debates.


    Quoting SuperJo:

    You know damn good and well what I meant by saying it's not birth control. I think you're trying to lure me into a debate to tell me why you're right and I'm wrong. It IS NOT a form of birth control like the pill or the Depo shot, and was never meant to be used as such. THAT is NOT a lie. I'm not responding again.



    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    You said, exact words, abortion isn't a form of birth control, and shouldn't be used as such.


    But it is. There is literally no other way of describing the type of procedure. Abortion prevents unwanted births, it is birth control.


    And I didn't say you weren't allowed to have your opinion. But to state something that is a blatant lie, will generally get me to respond.






    Quoting SuperJo:

    I said it shouldn't be used as such, and now-a-days it's used like the pill is used. It should be used for emergencies ONLY IF used at all (ex. complications for mother or baby resulting in one, or both, dying, or rape). I'm allowed to feel however I want about any given topic and situation.







    Quoting AnnieMcD:

    Abortion is, by definition, birth control. It is a method of preventing birth after pregnancy has begun. It is BIRTH CONTROL. Nothing more, nothing less.









    Quoting SuperJo:

    Abortion isn't a form of birth control, and shouldn't be used as such even as a back-up. That poor baby was robbed of a life before it had a chance to experience it. It'll never have a chance to be a straight-A student, or play high school sports. It'll never get to attend Stanford... If your step-daughter truly is that smart, she should've known to abstain from sex until marriage because no form of birth control is 100%, and there's no good reason to put herself through the emotional toil and responsibility of an abortion. I'm pro-life, so all this did was break my heart. I can't say the right decision was made.

  • viv212
    by viv212
    February 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM
    One more thing. You were not in the wrong. Her father has just as many rights as the mother. If she doesn't like that, it's her problem.
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